Page 44 of The Marquess's Scandalous Game
Cora’s eyes softened. “Surely, if you were to explain the circumstances, he would understand why you did it.”
“Perhaps.” Emma was beginning to doubt this. “Have you considered marriage, Cora?”
“Of course, I have. What young lady of thehaut tonhas not considered marriage?” Cora could not hide her excitement. “I cannot wait to be presented next season.”
“I have never felt the same excitement at the prospect of marriage. I did not wish to relinquish my independence. Marriage meant I could no longer practice healing. You see, I had more freedom before I wed.” Even now, when she explained it to Cora, Emma chafed against the confined role allotted to her.
Cora reached over and took Emma’s hand. “But now that you are wed, you seem happy. I am soon to have my first niece or nephew.”
Emma’s hand reached down to her stomach. “I was growing into my role as a marchioness, but I am afraid I may have disappointed Lord Adlington. I am not a domestic, demure, and pious woman.”
“Oh, Em. I am sure you are a fine marchioness.” Cora said.
Emma’s lips pressed together in a slight grimace. “It was just that I wanted to retain my own identity. I wanted to continue to do something useful. I wanted to be more than a marchioness. To be me.” This was the first time Emma spoke of the turmoil she felt. She had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Was she making excuses to avoid confronting the situation?
Cora’s brows furrowed. “What concerns you?”
Emma considered this. Some men felt an independent woman threatened their manhood. Yet, Leopold did not strikeher as one of them. No. He was self-assured and confident. Emma liked that about him.
“I suppose I am worried that Lord Adlington will think I am no longer fit.” Emma’s heart fluttered.Did Leo believe marriage to her was a burden? Was he truly disappointed in the marriage?
Cora waved a hand in dismissal. “Nonsense. I do not believe it is so.”
Emma was quiet for a moment before she replied. “Only time will tell. Mama is not with us, so father and I will choose your husband. A marriage in our class consolidates both families. It fosters strong bonds of friendship, patronage, and connections, and the family’s reputation is made. Your union will affect our families for many generations to come, so we must take care in finding you a match.”
“You make it sound quite tedious, Em,” Cora said.
“Marriage is about much more than our feelings, Cora. It may be for highly practical reasons. I thought you should know,” Emma explained.
Cora was still for a few moments before she spoke. “Whatever do you mean?”
“I must be truthful, Cora. A marriage could be arranged to advance our family’s social standing and wealth.” Although Emma was taking pains to explain the possibilities to Cora, she would do her best to ensure Cora had a suitable match. She did not want Cora to be trapped in a gilded cage.
“I see,” Cora whispered.
Cora sat up and pecked Emma on the cheek. “I will see to the children today so you may rest.” Cora spun around and departed the room as quickly as she had entered it. She was always so considerate.
Emma was preoccupied with thoughts of Leo, the baby, and their future. Women were encouraged to have children straightafter marriage. She had at least pleased Leo in this way, although it pained her to see they still had not spoken to each other about it. Emma placed both hands on her stomach. She was pleased to be carrying a child but also apprehensive. Leo had no place in the birth chamber, but she would be so comforted to know that he was close to her. She wanted him to be there when they welcomed their first child into the world. She needed him. She had seen women give birth, and unfortunately, it did not always end well. Some women believed a specter of death through childbirth loomed over them until a healthy child was born. It was only then that they got a measure of relief. Sadly, many children did not survive their infancy, so women had more children than they would otherwise want.
Emma had no doubt that she would be well taken care of and provided for. Leo was a compassionate man. He honored the promises that he had made to her father before they wed. Her father’s estates had been restored, and Leo had designated a man of business to manage them, and the arrangement appeared to be working well. Her sisters would have a dowry, and all her siblings would be able to marry well. Her father no longer frequented the gambling dens of London, and somehow, his pride seemed to be restored. She was grateful for what Leo had done; he honored his word.
Her siblings were allowed to visit her whenever they wanted and stayed at Adlington Hall for extended periods. Leo also enjoyed their company. He was a good man, and there was no mistaking it. Had it not been for Leo, her entire family would have struggled to survive. It would not have ended well. She considered herself fortunate that he was her husband.
There were some ladies in thehaut tonwho found happiness in their marriages and had no qualms about any of the constraints that were put on their personal freedoms and liberties. They had accepted it. Emma had come to realize thatso must she. She had to. She wanted to be with her husband, and she wanted a happy marriage. She was not destined to have it all. She could not.
She did not wish to live a separate life away from Leo. Divorce was taboo and frowned upon by the church and society alike. Even though Emma was open-minded, she thought obtaining a divorce was unlikely, and it would cost a fortune. At any rate, she could not divorce Leo. It was not permitted. However, Leo could divorce her. One could obtain a divorce in England through a cumbersome process involving a suit by the husband against another man for ‘criminal conversation.’ The husband must show that his wife was compromised, diminishing her value so that he could claim damages. Then, there would be an ecclesiastical divorce, which did not allow the right of re-marriage, and finally, a private Act of Parliament, which separated the parties. It did not bear thinking about.
Emma did not know why the horriddivorceword entered her consciousness. Subconsciously, she was worried about the distance between them. She was certain that she did not want Leo to drift away from her. She did not want the emotional distance, especially now. Emma was convinced they could overcome this difficulty so long as it did not become longstanding. This rift between them could not remain.
CHAPTER 19
The following morning, Emma broke her fast in her room. She felt nauseated and decided to remain in bed for a while. She was reading a book when her lady’s maid came in and handed her a letter. She quickly turned it over and recognized the seal. It was from Leopold, and she was excited to hear from him. Emma broke the seal and quickly read the contents. Her hands began to shake when she read.I have decided that under the circumstances, it is best that we live apart.
Emma’s mouth fell open, and her chin began to tremble. She was sure all the color had drained from her face. Her worst fear had materialized. Leo did not want to be with her. There was a painful tightness in her throat, and time stood still. Only a few lines were scribbled across the paper, yet her future had changed. She could only blame herself. It was her folly that had caused this entire mess. It was only yesterday that she was thinking how much she did not want to live away from Leo. Her tale of despair swallowed her as she struggled to understand the full implication of Leopold’s letter.
Emma placed a hand on her stomach and held it there. Leopold wanted the baby to live with him. The child was not yetborn. She did not know if it would be a boy or a girl, but she was certain she did not want to be separated from it. She had wounded Leopold.
“Surely, you do not think that I would harm this tiny creature, an innocent life that is growing inside me. Oh, Leo. I would never contemplate such a thing, and I am hurt that you would think that of me. I see now that going to Dr. Benedict’s was a huge mistake. You expected me to be true to my word, and I was not. I am ashamed that it has taken this letter to make me face this reality.” Emma hardly recognized the monotone voice as hers. Tears slowly streamed their way down her cheeks. When she glanced down at the letter, a large drop had fallen on it and distorted Leopold’s words. Her heart was breaking because, at that moment, she realized how much she loved Leo. She did not want to lose him. Her family was more important than her calling, and she was prepared to leave it behind. The most important thing in her life was to be with Leo and the baby.
