Page 41 of The Marquess's Scandalous Game
“Has Dr. Benedict sent a note to Lord Adlington?”
Lily paused and looked kindly at Emma. “He did, my lady.”
“I see,” was all the response that Emma could muster. She lowered her gaze, for she did not want Lily to see her eyes. She pressed her lips together in a tight smile, and her shoulders slumped. Emma felt a sickly lurch of disappointment.
Leo,where are you? Why have you not come to visit me?Surely, he was not far away, and he would have received the news by now. What if … did she dare to think it? What if Leo was so upset that he did not wish to see her? It seemed rather extreme, but he had not come. Worse yet, what if he was ill? Illness could have kept him away; it would all be her fault. Emma pushed the negative thoughts aside. She did not want to face that grim possibility.
Lily assisted Emma from the chair to the freshly made bed before she left the room. Emma sank into the plush pillows. She had always liked the smell of freshly laundered linen. A trivial thought under the circumstances, but she did not know what else she could do. Tears welled in her eyes and rolled out of the corners down her face to her ears. She was never one who was prone to sadness or despair, and she wondered from whence these tears came. She lifted a hand and furiously brushed them away.
Emma raised her hand and tugged on the loose tendrils that framed her face. If Leo was not ill, she could only conclude that he was trying to punish her for disobeying him. It was working; she was miserable. There was an ache in the back of her throat, and she struggled to swallow. Leo was driven to succeed, and it made him stubborn. He had a strong moral sense of right and wrong. She winced. Before he met Emma, Leo was alone. Apparently, his stubbornness did not present a great hardship in personal relationships. She was sure he had not thought about how devastating it would be for her when he kept away. She needed him.
Was his pride wounded? Had her behavior humiliated him? Did he wish to make her regret the choice she had made? She believed what had happened was one of life’s twists and turns. Leopold tended to judge Emma with his measuring implement, but in doing so, he had underestimated her. She did not fool herself into believing that Leo would have approved of her actions, but at least she wanted him to listen to her. He had come to see her. He had not given her the chance to hear her explanation. It would not be long before everyone at the hospital understood Leo was avoiding her. From all reports, it contrasted his attentiveness while she was ill. It would be sure to set tongues wagging. This was another impetus for her to return to Adlington Hall as soon as she was able. Leopold would not be able to give her a wide berth then. She would confront him head-on.
Hardwick Hall, Staffordshire
True to his word,Leopold had left London. He waited until he was assured that Emma was on the mend and the child was thriving. Dr. Benedict had sent him several notes, and he devoured their content, but he had not gone to see Emma. He could not. His throat bobbed as he recalled how close he came to suffering a devastating loss. He had expected Emma to obey him and make him happy, which was within the bounds of marriage. As a matter of fact, it was the norm. Yet, she disobeyed him and he was disappointed. He wanted to escape the turmoil he felt by any means. He must protect himself from the pain, and he concluded the only way to do this was for them to live apart. He needed to halt his growing attachment toward her.
Riding was one of Leopold’s favorite pastimes, and he made the time to ride around the estate each day. It was soothing and the best time for him to clear his head.
After his parents died, Leopold had grown to become responsible quite quickly. He was proud and fiercely independent. Yet, he did not believe his pride was standing in the way of his good judgment. Perhaps Emma was the one who was full of pride. She was certainly selfish. Her recovery was underway, yet she had not thought to apologize for her reckless actions. Emma had her flaws, but he was not entirely blameless.
During the difficult years, Leopold learned not to rely on anyone else. He was doing a good job of it, or so he thought. That was until he met Emma. He wondered how he found himself in this predicament. How could his happiness be so intertwined with Emma? How could he rely on someone else for his fulfillment? Now that he thought about it, in the cold light of day, it seemed rather foolish. He must rediscover his authentic self. It was clear that he put undue pressure on Emma. She made a promise to him that she could not keep. He would not force her to choose between him and her passion, yet he cannot allow himself to face the pain of losing his loved ones again.
Leopold had to start with himself. He had to place a shield around his heart. He had already taken the first step because he acknowledged that he was the only one responsible for his happiness. Emma and his child would, of course, contribute to his happiness, but it was not theirs to give. Leopold did not want to cheat himself of true happiness. He had to consider his needs, hopes, dreams, and ambitions. It was fear and self-doubt that prevented him from realizing his needs. He must take care of himself first. He would trust that everything else would fall into place.
He had to face the reality that he had not fully processed the death of his family. He supposed, in some ways, he had tocontend with the lingering loss. At first, he threw himself into managing the estate because there was much to be done. But grief did not evaporate just because those who relied on the estate needed his intervention. He managed to distract himself with meaningful tasks; over time, he did not feel as numb. The grief and pain slowly ebbed, and he had found ways to adapt to a life without his family.
Eventually, Leo had put his anger aside. He no longer had the overwhelming need to lash out at everyone as if they were the cause of his loneliness. He had reconnected with his dear friend Easton, who was a great source of comfort to him now. Before Leopold even met Emma, he longed for what he lost to fill the emptiness he felt inside. As soon as he met her, he knew. She would fill that void. When he had such a visceral reaction to the thought of losing her, he knew it would not be. He was overcome with fear. The fear of losing her and the baby. He cannot continue in this way.
Leopold turned his horse around and headed for the main house. He would have company for dinner this evening because Easton had paid him a visit. He suspected that Easton heard he was at Hardwick Hall while Emma was at Adlington Hall. They had not had the opportunity to speak because Easton had arrived earlier that afternoon and needed time to rest and refresh himself after his journey. They would have time enough to speak this evening.
Leopold returned to the house with instructions for his horse to be stabled. He instructed the butler to prepare his bath, and his valet chose his garments for the evening. First, he would write to Emma and inform her of his decision. Leopold proceeded to the library and sat behind his desk.
Dear Emma,
It saddens me to write this letter. I have decided that under the circumstances, it is best that we live apart. I will arrange for the baby to reside with me once he is born. He will be under my protection where I can keep him safe which leaves you free to pursue your passion.
Yours sincerely,
Leopold
The letter would be delivered forthwith. Leopold went to his bedchamber, bathed, and dressed before proceeding to the drawing room for a drink before dinner. He decided on brandy. He poured himself a sniffer, sat, and savored the first sip. Shortly thereafter, Easton was ushered in. Leopold stood to greet him.
“There you are, Adlington. I thought I may find you here,” Easton announced.
The corner of Leopold’s mouth lifted in a smile. “You know me so well, Easton. A drink?”
Easton tilted his head to the side. “I will have a scotch, thank you.”
Leopold poured the scotch, and he could feel Easton’s eyes on him. Probing. Leopold handed him the glass, and they sat in armchairs opposite each other by the large sash windows. It was a pleasant afternoon, and the sun had just begun its retreat. They both took a sip and enjoyed the view of the garden before Easton spoke.
“Now tell me, Adlington, what the hell is going on? The last time I saw you in London you were frantic with worry for your wife. I sent a letter to you at Adlington Hall only to be told you are here. What happened?” Easton pinned Leopold with his gaze.
Leopold sighed heavily and paused to examine his glass. “I am trying to decipher that myself, Easton. I do not have all the answers,” he replied honestly.
Easton leaned forward. “You are speaking in riddles, my good man. You will remember that I was never any good at those. Whatever do you mean?”
Leopold pinched his lips together and raised a hand to rub the back of his neck. “A part of me is angry that the marchioness disobeyed me. She is recovering, but that outcome was never guaranteed.”
