Page 28 of The Marquess's Scandalous Game
He paused and regarded her for a moment before he continued. “The anger eventually gave way to melancholy, and I was plagued with doubts. I have often wondered why it is that I survived.”
Emma reached over and took his hand, holding it between her palms.
Leo was struggling to maintain his composure. He continued to express his sorrow. “The pain was so great that I was unwilling to talk about it. This is the first time that I am sharing it with anyone.”
Emma encouraged him to speak. “It will do you well to unburden yourself.” Her voice and eyes showed him her concern.
Leo sighed heavily. “I had gone to a very dark place. I could not attend to my duties, and I felt lost. I took myself away from everything and everyone in society. Nothing gave me joy.”
Emma placed her arm around his shoulder. She understood his pain. “I shared some of those feelings when my mother passed away, and even today, there are things that remind me of her.”
Leopold’s voice cracked with emotion. “I did not sleep well for a long time, and all that I had were nightmares. Therefore, I was always exhausted, which compounded all the other maladies that manifested themselves. Believe me when I tell you, Emma, I am certain that I came close to madness, for I saw danger lurking around every corner.”
He was accepting the comfort that she offered. “What was it that changed and helped you to get through your grief?” she asked.
Leopold closed his eyes, and Emma gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “I had not been eating well, and with the lack of sleep, I grew gaunt. I awoke one day, gazed in the mirror and I could hardly recognize the person that was staring back at me. I thought my father would be ashamed, and that is how I slowly started to regain my health.”
Emma could feel the tension in his shoulders. “That inner strength was there all along, Leo. You just had to harness it.”
Leo lifted the corner of his mouth in a smile before it fell away. “Perhaps. Emma, I am sharing this with you so that you may understand how I felt when I returned to find you were not home. That you had gone to care for a sick child. I was afraid for you, and I was afraid to lose you.”
She had not meant to hurt him. His words were notable, and she would do well to carefully consider them. They were not spoken lightly. Leo had opened up to her so he showed significant regard for her. He valued her and was ready to express his deepest feelings to her. They had formed an even deeper emotional connection. He was building trust and transparency in the way he communicated with her. He showed his vulnerability. Leo was invested in their marriage and was committed to her. Her safety mattered a great deal, and he did not want to contemplate losing her. Not in the same way that his family was ripped from him.
Emma vowed to consider his feelings and expectations. “I am sorry that I caused you distress, Leo. It was not my intent.”
“I know that, my sweet Emma. The fact of the matter is that my recovery has been steady, and I have come through the worst of it. My estate and business affairs could not be better, though it places certain demands on my time. But since you have comeinto my life, it has given me a new impetus. I am pleased you are here. Now that we are wed, I can look forward to children. I do not want you ripped from me.”
Leopold smiled, and it brought an immediate softening to his features. Emma leaned into him and placed her lips firmly against his. Leo’s hands reached up, cupped her face, and deepened their kiss.
Emma broke the kiss. “Tell me about Eugene and Estelle.”
Emma scrutinized Leo intently as he described his brother and sister. He told of the days they would roam the estate and woodlands, the sports they liked, and the pranks they played on each other. His voice was filled with affection, and he even laughed at the memory of their mischievousness. Emma was relieved he chose to confide in her, for she knew it was not the way for him. It was clear to her why he acted the way he did, and she discerned he wanted to put the row behind them. She was content to do so.
“I am rather famished, and I arranged for the staff to deliver refreshments to the cottage on the estate’s west side. I am sure it is there now. Shall we?” Leo asked.
“Certainly, I am quite parched as well,” Emma replied as they stood.
They mounted their horses and set off in a canter before Emma decided to be mischievous. She sent her horse in a sprint across the field and turned to see Leo’s surprised face. It was not too long before he caught up with her, and she slowed her horse.
“That was a bit cheeky. You did not announce a race,” Leo said accusingly.
Emma burst into a fit of giggles. “Cheeky? Is that so?”
Leo gave her a sideways glance. “Or are you trying to show me you can be a bit spontaneous?”
“Perhaps,” Emma teased.
Leo’s gaze bored into her. “Hmm, I like a bit of spontaneity. It serves to make things more … interesting. Do you not think so?”
“I do,” Emma replied as she returned his steady gaze.
“Do you also like to break the rules?” He had a crooked smile. Rueful, perhaps.
“That is a bit of a strange question, Leo. Is it not?”
Leo chuckled. “Well, I can tell that you are stubborn. I wonder if our children will be.”
“You are hoping for children straight away? They had not discussed having children during their courtship. She was not surprised that he wanted them, but she hoped they would get to know each other much better. She wanted them to concentrate on each other, nurture and nourish their relationship.
