Page 48 of The Earl's Reluctant Bride
Walking in the countryside had always held its own magical charm. It was enchanting. It presented sights, scenes, and sounds that were very soothing and delightful. One feels elated and happy to be in the fresh air rather than in the streets of London. Elizabeth disliked the smoky and dusty atmosphere of town, and she was only too happy to escape it. She welcomed the dense groves of the trees and the sweet sound of the chirping sparrows rendering melodious music. The blooming flowers, the green trees. Nature was a healer.
Elizabeth enjoyed the walk and played with Teague and Princess. She spun around to return to the house. At this moment the peace of the countryside was a contrast to her inner turmoil. She entered the house and went to the drawing room where she found a letter waiting for her. Her skin tingled and her breathing quickened as she gazed at the seal.
My dearest Elizabeth,
Hear this, my declaration of love. The feeling of love that I hold for you in my heart threatens to consume me. I thought I could not love, but I have, spectacularly. Truly and deeply. I wish you could know how much you mean to me. If only I could hold you, then you could feel the depths of my love and how I burn for you. If only you could gaze into my eyes and see into my soul you would know the truth and honesty of my words. These past few weeks have shown me that I cannot live without you. I will that you find it in your heart to forgive me.
If you want me as your true love as much as I want you as mine, then let it be.
Yours truly,
Alexander
He loved her! Elizabeth was elated and joy overwhelmed her. To finally have Alexander’s love made her feel complete. Elizabeth rushed to the art room and summoned the butler to assist her in packaging the painting. Shortly thereafter the painting was on its way to Alexander.
* * *
Alexander’s lifewas falling apart. “Get a hold of yourself!” He admonished; his voice hoarse with frustration.
He sat in the library of his London town house nursing yet another glass of whiskey. He was ruminating on what he thought about every day. Elizabeth. She was not perturbed by Alexander’s wealth, power, or influence. The irony is that all of this lacked value if he could not win her over. Elizabeth had stunned him with one of her letters when she reminded him of what he said at the inn. He remembered it well. “I am a man of honor, who will care and provide for you. I am fond of you and I would like you to be my wife.” The words were a cold quiet torture for he had not lived up to them. He had not treated her in a way which said he cared for her unconditionally. He did not even wish to think about his honor.
He had sent her another letter. Alexander had been more than willing to ask her for forgiveness. She had yet to give it. Hemustwin her forgiveness. Hemusthave her back. Waiting for her to decide was torture. He had never promised her love for the skeleton lurking in his closet had never made him feel this was possible. Yet, even as he relived the memory, he realized that he did not feel the same sting of the rejection and pain when Lady Alice broke his heart. What he felt when she jilted him was certainly nothing in comparison to what he felt now. His experience with Lady Alice had caused him to suppress his sentiments and emotions, but he could only do that for so long.
Of all the ladies he had known there was none that affected him in the way Elizabeth had. He had tried to steel himself from feeling this emotion calledlovebut he failed, and miserably at that. He was not ashamed to admit it. When he contemplated Elizabeth being far away from him, at another estate for good, the mental anguish was so intense that he felt dizzy. He slumped in his armchair and leaned forward to take deep breaths until the horrid sensation passed.
The armor that he built around his heart had started crumbling long before Elizabeth left him. Nonetheless, he struggled and resisted the tug on his heart. He did not want to be vulnerable, yet he was. He said he would never love again, yet he did. He felt the awakening when he rode to her rescue and such a sense of relief when he caught up to her long before Gretna Green. He had the overwhelming need to protect her and make her his own. He had known nothing but misery since she left. It had been a few weeks, yet it felt like an eternity. He was a fool to think that this could go on, and that he could continue to live without her. His breathing was heavy, his heart pounding.My heart is yearning for her.
He must go to see Elizabeth. He could not lose her. He would no longer shut out the feeling that would obscure his vision. Running away was not an available option. Thoughts of Elizabeth invaded all his senses. He could not stand the thought of her being hurt physically or emotionally and the very idea was especially upsetting. He believed that Elizabeth was fond of him and there was affection in her touch. What if everything he thought she felt for him was an illusion? He resolved to take the risk, the chance that he could be broken because he was willing to allow himself to break again. He would embrace his love for her and hope that one day she would love him in return. Alexander felt a renewed sense of purpose and energy that he had not had in weeks.
There was a knock on the door and Alexander thought it better be for a good reason because he had asked not to be disturbed.
“Come in,” Alexander said.
The door opened and the butler approached him. “A package has been delivered for you, my lord. It was accompanied by this letter.” The butler handed him the letter.
“Thank you. And the package?” Alexander asked.
“It is rather large, my lord.” The butler beckoned for the servants to enter and they placed the package on the table.”
“Leave me.” Alexander said, his curiosity getting the better of him. He broke the seal and read. He blinked rapidly and stared at the note for what seemed like ages.
Dear Alexander,
This is when I fell in love with you.
Yours,
Elizabeth
Alexander flopped into his armchair and let out a small yelp. He had waited so long to hear from Elizabeth that he could scarcely believe it had happened. And to think that she declared her love for him.Love. When?
“I cannot believe it.” He voiced his wonder. He reached over and unwrapped the package the servants left on his desk. His heart seemed to freeze then it pounded. He came face to face with an astoundingly accurate image of himself. His mouth hung open and he gaped. He gazed at the painting and he conceded that it was indeed captured with love. The painting depicted him with a smile that told nothing of the turmoil that he had felt over the last few weeks. The portrait that looked back at him was fierce, proud, resolute, yet spirited.
Alexander lifted it from his desk and turned to face the other portraits that lined the library walls. He wondered which one he should remove to make space for his own likeness. He wanted it to be in the library so he could feel close to Elizabeth while he worked. So engrossed was he that he did not realize that he was not alone until he felt her pressed against his back, her arms encircling him. Elizabeth’s head was on his shoulder and her arms were splayed across his chest.
“Alexander, I am sorry that I left without speaking with you. I never should have run off and prevented you from visiting me.”
Alexander slowly turned to face Elizabeth. Neither of them spoke for a moment as he scrutinized her and her eyes feasted on him. “It is I that should apologize. I could not fully see the world until I found you, Elizabeth. Your perspective and your heart helped me understand what it means to love.”
