Page 46 of The Earl's Reluctant Bride
Alexander finally decided to meet his friends two weeks later. He missed their company and the weekly jaunts at Brook’s. At first, he was quite annoyed with Barlow, but he had time to ruminate and understand it was idiotic. It was not Barlow’s fault that he found himself in this hell hole. There was no use in holding a grudge because Barlow refused to disclose Elizabeth’s location. They may be best friends, but Elizabeth was Barlow’s sister. He supposed Barlow would always feel a bit responsible for his sister’s wellbeing and Alexander could not blame him. His friend was far from an overbearing older brother.
Alexander had no siblings. There was no one to run to his rescue if he did anything foolish or reckless. Elizabeth and Barlow had a shared history and familiarity that Alexander would never experience in his relationships. Familial bonds. He would never know the support, love, and companionship that it brings throughout a lifetime. Alexander envied Barlow for this is the kind of bond he always craved.
It would be easy to place all the blame at Elizabeth’s door, but that would be unjust. The truth is no one is ever completely faultless. If he really wanted to repair his marriage, it was important for him to acknowledge his mistakes. Being defensive and making excuses was only going to make things worse.
He missed her. He felt her absence and he yearned for her. He was constantly thinking of Elizabeth, wondering how she fared and what she might be doing. Thoughts of her robbed him of his sleep at night, yet this did nothing to stop him from thinking of her during the daytime.
Alexander had accepted that Elizabeth needed more time. He would give it to her. He must save his marriage by investing more in their relationship, but this would not be on his schedule. Elizabeth would be the one to decide when she would be ready to see him. Being separated from her was excruciating and he felt they never got to say what they needed to in those letters. He tried to express his thoughts on paper, but somehow it fell short of expressing the turmoil he felt deep inside. The letters were not the same as gazing into her eyes or holding her hand. He wants to go to her but Alexander is afraid that Elizabeth will reject him and that he has ruined things forever. Both Alexander and Elizabeth were hurt, yet they had not been able to come to an understanding. Forgiveness would take time.
Alexander entered Brook’s to find his friends waiting. As he approached the table, he could see that his glass was already there.
“We were beginning to think you would not show,” Conrad pronounced as soon as Alexander arrived.
“Where the hell have you been?” Gilbert exclaimed. “I passed by your house in town and I was told you were not in.
Barlow was silent.
“It has been a difficult few weeks,” Alexander replied as he pulled out his chair and sat.
“That sounds rather sinister.” Conrad studied his face with a slow, assessing gaze. “What is it? Spit it out.”
Alexander gave them all an appraising glance. “Is a gentleman allowed to quench his parched thirst in this establishment?”
“Of course,” Barlow said as he poured Alexander a glass of whiskey.
Alexander took a few sips before he began. “As you know Elizabeth and I recently wed. We are going through a bit of a rough patch.”
Gilbert chuckled. “A bit of a rough patch you say. What the devil do you mean?”
“Let’s just say that it was a monumental cock up and we are having some time apart,” Alexander replied. Two pairs of eyebrows shot up and eyes gazed at Alexander with such intensity he shifted in his seat.
Conrad turned to Barlow. “You knew about this.”
“Of course, he knew. Elizabeth is his sister after all.” Gilbert replied although the question was not directed at him.
“It was not my story to tell,” Barlow replied in a matter-of-fact manner.
Gilbert peered at him over the rim of his glass. “You have only been wed for a minute, my good man. What did you do?”
“I will not go into the gory details. Suffice it to say that I realize I was wrong. At first, I was upset when Elizabeth left—”
“Whatever do you mean, left? Left you?” Conrad pulled his chair closer to the table as if this would allow him to hear more.
“Yes. She left and quite rightly so. We needed time apart.” Alexander replied decidedly.
“I know it was tough in the beginning but there are times when you need distance to be able to move on from the hurt and find healing,” Barlow said with compassion.
It was not easy to hear it, although he knew it to be true. Elizabeth, whom he was so close to, and had shared so much with, no longer valued him as a person. She rejected him and he was lonely, embarrassed, and sad. Alexander wanted to believe that he mattered enough to Elizabeth and that she would experience the same amount of pain he was experiencing. He did not want to think that he did not matter to her. He would not accept it.
“Barlow is right. I have had my share of challenges, but we have always managed to reconcile our differences. I am certain you will too.” Gilbert said soberly.
“We are here for you, Thornton. Finish your drink so that I may refill your glass.” Conrad said.
Alexander swallowed his whiskey. This was just what he needed. His friends would listen to him without passing judgment.
“We are here to listen, Thornton. You can let it all out.” Barlow said.
Alexander rolled his neck from side to side to loosen the kinks. He had only just realized how emotionally drained he was. There was a heaviness in his chest that he could not extricate. He lacked energy, slept poorly, and he was not motivated to do the things that would normally bring him pleasure. His business and charity had not received his attention. He resolved to remedy this situation for he could not go on in this manner.
