Page 34 of The Earl's Reluctant Bride
Alexander ran a hand through his hair. “It is not that I doubt you. I do not understand why she would say such a thing?”
Elizabeth rested her glass down. “Nor do I. I can only think that she wanted to make me uncomfortable.”
Alexander stared at her. “Uncomfortable?”
“Yes, and she succeeded. I know that I behaved foolishly and recklessly. If it were not for you my reputation would be in tatters. I do not know if she wanted me to acknowledge it.”
Alexander got up from his armchair and sat on the sofa beside her. Elizabeth’s hands were in her lap and he took one of her hands and held it in his.
“Could it be that you misunderstood or overreacted? This does not sound like her,” Alexander said.
Elizabeth's gaze shot up to his and she pulled her hand away. “Overreacted?”
“I am merely saying that being spiteful is not usually her character.”
“You are saying it may not be her intention to strike out, yet she did. I felt she cast aspersions on my judgment. Further, she implied that I should not be off doing my drawing.”
“I am sure she did not mean that— ”
Elizabeth cut him off, “You cannot know because you were not there!”
“Perhaps she was concerned because you were off on your own.”
“Alexander, you knew before we got married that I like my solitude and drawing. I will not be a prisoner in my own home, not for you and not for your mother.”
Elizabeth stood up and stormed from the room. She could not believe what she was hearing. She would not let others do her thinking for her.Absolutely not! She went to her bedchamber and her lady’s maid helped her to undress. She did not believe she was being unreasonable when she expected Alexander to listen to her concerns and understand how his mother’s comments made her feel. She did not like to be reminded of her failures and she was convinced that Lady Thornton was not as innocent as Alexander claimed.
The entire episode made her think of Lord Salisbury. She wondered what life would have been like if they had wed. Lord Salisbury had professed his love for her repeatedly and he spoke to her as though she was the most important person in his life. Alexander had never told her he loved her. He was affectionate enough and she supposed she ought to be grateful that he was caring and passionate. It is likely that he did not trust her for he did not know her well enough. He readily believed his mother although Elizabeth explained the conversation. The circumstances under which they had wed were sure to give him cause to doubt her. After all, she had forged a relationship with a gentleman and managed to keep it a secret.
Well, if Alexander did not trust her, he could not possibly love her. She would be trapped in a loveless marriage which may be of a different sort than what she would have had with the Duke of Rochester, but it would be loveless, nonetheless. Her life may have been easier with Lord Salisbury since she fancied herself in love with him, but she was not in love with Alexander. She thought one should aspire to be loved and to love someone unconditionally. She did not feel confident that she could have this love with Alexander.
Elizabeth admonished herself immediately after she formed the thought.She must not think this way. Now that they were wed her future was with Alexander, and she needed to be a dutiful and diligent wife. Rather than having fanciful thoughts about Lord Salisbury, she should try to make her relationship with Alexander work. She knew that it would not be easy because every time he gazed at her she would think …he does not trust me; he cannot love me. Nevertheless, “She must try,” Elizabeth whispered to herself, and even as she heard the faint words, she did not know what would become of her efforts.
When she was dressed in her nightgown she went to sit by her open window and gaze into the night. The large dark clouds moved across the sky. Elizabeth heard the soft tapping on the window and before long it became a pitter-patter. The night air was cool and fresh as droplets of moisture began to drip from the leaves, sprinkling onto the grass. Then the rainfall became more intense with so much rain falling that the sound blurred into one long, whirring noise. Elizabeth closed the window and lay on her bed.
There was a knock on her door and Alexander entered already dressed in his banyan. Elizabeth glanced up at him and wondered if he saw the disagreement as a choice between his mother and her. While she was upset with Alexander, she did not wish to alienate him. Although she could not ignore the hurt she felt when he did not support her, their relationship was already a challenge, and she did not wish to make it more so.
Alexander lay in bed by her side. “Elizabeth, I know we will have disagreements. We are getting to know each other and our relationship will evolve. I would like for us to be able to discuss any concerns you may have. I do not think that I have done a particularly good job this evening. I apologize.” Alexander took her hand in his. “Will you forgive me?”
Elizabeth squeezed Alexander’s hand. “Oh, Alexander. It is I who should apologize. I was upset by what your mother said but there was no point in running off pouting. I should have sat with you downstairs and discussed it further.”
Alexander turned on his side and propped himself up on his elbow. He was scrutinizing her and she felt flustered. “I listened to you, yet I did not hear. I questioned your judgment which was very unhelpful. I will speak with my mother tomorrow.”
“This is so important. If we cannot resolve our disagreements peacefully it does not bode well for our marriage.”
“On that, we agree.”
The sheet of rain fell chinking off the windows. Alexander sat up in bed. “I did not realize it was raining. I love the rain.”
“As do I. I love the sound of it, the smells as it hits the parched earth, and the cool air on my face.”
Alexander got up from the bed and held his hand out to her. “Let us go to the window then.”
The corner of Elizabeth’s eyes crinkled. “I had just been sitting there by the window.”
Alexander walked over. “On this chair?”
“Yes, with the window open.”
