Page 26 of Duke in Shining Armor
The dukecouldoffer for her and what would she do if he did?
Well, for one thing, she was alarmingly fond of him, so clearly it was not just that she enjoyed their lovemaking. He was wealthy and well connected, which would greatly please her parents. They would not object to the match. She could see herself as James’s wife, his duchess.
The word ‘affair’ popped into her thoughts. Catherine sighed. If that was only what the duke offered, what would be her decision? Despite the longing opening inside her for James, she did not want an affair, to create a scandal, or to bring shame upon her family. If word about her liaison with James was to reach thehaut tonthat would be precisely the outcome. She could not tolerate it, and she shuddered at the very thought.
Catherine’s ankle had regained much strength, and she could walk without the aid of a cane. She realized she had only a fleeting glimpse of James since they made love. The three days he had planned to be away ended, and she knew he had returned to his estate a few hours ago. She did not understand why he had not come to see her when he had taken such liberties.
Liberties I ardently allowed; Catherine silently reminded herself.
What if such encounters were commonplace to the duke and not as special as she believed? What if the connection felt was entirely imagined on her part? A chill went up Catherine’s spine. She did not want to believe this was true. She felt anxious and confused before she chastised herself. Who was this? It was certainly not her for she was a confident and self-assured woman. Catherine determined she had had enough waiting, and she would speak to James forthwith.
Catherine marched purposefully toward the library but paused at the door when she heard voices from within. A woman’s voice?Catherine hands formed into fists at her sides as she listened intently.
“How could you treat me with such disdain, my lord? We spent many nights together, and I trust you enjoyed my company. I would go even further as to say you loved being in my arms,” the woman said.
“Madame, you should not have come here uninvited,” James replied with annoyance.
“But I must come to see you for you have not been to see me for some time, and I know something is amiss. Is it another woman?”
Catherine gasped and raised her hands to cover her mouth, for she did not wish to be discovered. She could not believe her ears. Eavesdropping was rather impolite, but although she wanted to move away, she found she was rooted to the spot. Who was this woman that James entertained in his library? Clearly, they were intimate because the brazen little hussy said so.
Catherine winced as realized she was jealous for this woman spoke like a lady of genteel breeding. She was curious about the lady and the circumstances.
“That is none of your concern,” James said indignantly.
“Perchance I am right. You did not share my bed when I saw you last, and that was the first time such a thing transpired.”
Catherine was pleased she did not remove her hand from her mouth as she would certainly have made a sound. Her eyes were as round as saucers. James was frequently sharing his bed with this woman. Why did the notion of it hurt?
“I do not owe you an explanation,” he said with icy civility.
“Is that so, when you discouraged me from being with another, and led me to believe this would be something more permanent. Then you shun me for a strumpet!”
Catherine waited for James’s reply, but the woman spoke before he uttered a word.
“You led me to believe that we would marry, and I demand it.”
“Have you taken leave of your senses? I did no such thing. You know I have no interest in marriage at this time ….”
She stumbled away as if she had been slapped. To hear this woman bedded James believing this would lead to marriage only for him to shun her was more than Catherine could take. Had she not done the same? Her heart pounded so harshly she felt faint. It appeared this woman had been used and cast aside. James’s final words had loosed her limbs, and she pivoted and made her way back to her bedchamber.
It all became clear and the realization stabbed at her heart. Catherine’s stomach ached and she felt lightheaded, so she collapsed in a heap on her bed. She could not avoid facing what he had done, although she did not want to accept it. She was hurt. She understood that James had treated her in the very same way that he treated this woman. He had taken her, stripped her to her core, while intimacies with such passion was quite ordinary to him, and perhaps meant little. He was indeed deserving of his reputation as a rake and a libertine.
And I was so foolish to have been ensnared.
There were tears streaming down her cheeks, and she was angry because she was not a delicate lady. She used the back of her hand to angrily brush the tears away.So, this is what James does?He seeks his pleasure and throws women aside when he no longer desires them.
She had been such a fool, harboring thoughts of marriage when it was clear that marriage was furthest from his mind. To add insult, he entertained his mistress in a relatively short time after taking liberties.
What a bloody cad, bounder, bastard… Catherine felt she could go on. She was fuming and she trembled with rage.
She sat up on her bed in an effort to calm herself. She willed herself to breathe slowly. She must gather her wits, after all she was not one of those dainty ladies of thehaut tonwho suffers from the fit of vapors. She was made of sterner stuff. She wiped the tears away and strengthened her resolve. She had already determined what she needed to do, and she would follow that course. She tidied her face before going to see Helen where she put her plan in motion.
Catherine decided it was time for them to depart for Switzerland. She had been at Pembroke Estate long enough to know James’s routine, which included a ride quite early in the morning, and he would often use this time to visit the farms. He had been doing so more frequently of late, although she had sometimes wondered if this was in a bid to avoid her. He would not return until quite late, and she gathered it would be some time before they were missed.
Her lady’s maid, Helen, was also fully recovered, and she shared the news that they would depart imminently. Helen was pleased with this news, and they were now on better terms than when last they had a meaningful conversation.
Helen was most displeased when she discovered that Catherine had gone riding with the duke in a carriage without a chaperone. The only thing that saved Catherine from a letter being dispatched to her parents was her reassurance that they would depart shortly. She had instructed Helen to be prepared for the journey and to not share that they would depart so they could leave speedily.
