Page 78 of The Viscount's Unwanted Bride
Mrs. Tubbs frowned. “What is it?”
“I found something. I just wanted to check who it belonged to.”
“Oh.” She nodded and marched along the hall more spryly than one would expect of a woman her age. “What have you found?”
Kate led her to the desk and showed her the bible and the flower. “Were these… Elizabeth’s?”
Mrs. Tubbs exhaled softly. “Oh, yes. That was her ladyship’s personal bible. Her father gifted it to her when she married his lordship. She was very fond of it.”
Kate’s heart squeezed. “Thank you for telling me.”
“No trouble at all, my lady.” She shifted from one foot to the other, obviously uncomfortable. “Do you want me to take it away?”
“No,” Kate exclaimed, startled. “No, it can stay. I may want to make the bedchamber more to my liking, but I don’t wish for Elizabeth’s existence to be hidden away. If this meant so much to her, perhaps we could display it in the library.”
Mrs. Tubbs beamed. “That’s a lovely idea. I’ll ask his lordship about it. In the meantime, I’ll leave it in your keeping.”
Kate glanced down at the bible, tempted by the idea of getting an unexpected insight into Elizabeth’s innermost thoughts. It wouldn’t be right, though. She ought not to pry where she had no business being.
“Actually, I’ve changed my mind. Perhaps you could give it to Lord Blackwell for safekeeping until he’s decided what he’d like done with it.”
Mrs. Tubbs expression softened, and her eyes crinkled at the corners. “Indeed I will.” She reached for the bible with gnarled hands and gently slipped the flower back inside. “You’re good for our master. He may not see it yet, but I do. Have patience. He’ll come around.”
“I hope so.” But she didn’t have as much faith as Mrs. Tubbs. Theo had been through a lot. There was no guarantee he’d ever recover.
Mrs. Tubbs left with the bible. Kate shifted over to her own writing desk and withdrew a piece of paper and a graphite pencil from inside. She looked out the window, where bare rose bushes stood starkly against the snow. With pencil in hand, she began to trace the outlines of the plants, paying special attention to the contrast between the skeletons of the plants and the white powdered ground.
As she sketched, she allowed her mixed emotions to bleed into the picture. It wasn’t a cheerful image, but then, she wasn’t in a particularly cheerful mood. Instead, it was dark and moody—thought-provoking in a way she hadn’t intended.
“Kate?”
She jumped and bashed her knee on the underside of the desk, biting down on her lip to prevent herself from cursing as her knee throbbed from the impact. She drew in a slow breaththrough her nostrils to gather herself, and, ignoring the new ache, turned toward the doorway.
Theo stood there, tears in his eyes and Elizabeth’s bible clasped to his chest. “What did you mean by giving me this?”
She bit the inside of her cheek, wondering too late whether she’d overstepped and should have just pretended never to have found it.
“I thought you should have it,” she said, not about to confess that she hadn’t trusted herself not to peek inside in an effort to understand his late wife. That surely wouldn’t be what he’d want to hear. “Should I… not have?”
He muttered something under his breath.
“I’m sorry.” She stood and faced him. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t.” He closed the distance between them with a few long strides. “I just…. I don’t know what to do.”
She cocked her head. “About what?”
“You.” He gave a wobbly smile. “I feel something for you, and I shouldn’t. Not when I don’t know how to make you happy. You deserve better than a failure of a husband.”
She gaped at him, at a loss for words. Was he admitting that he had romantic feelings for her?
He was clearly disturbed and conflicted about whatever was preoccupying his head and heart, but she got the impression his frustration was all directed inward. Perhaps he believed that he didn’t deserve to be happy with another woman because Elizabeth would never have that option, or perhaps he genuinely thought he’d make her miserable.
“I’m going to make the same mistakes again,” he continued, dragging his hand through his hair and turning to pace to the bed and back. “You’ll be unhappy, and I’ll be unhappy, and there will be nothing I can do.
“Hold on.” She rested a gentle hand on his upper arm. “Stop this recrimination. I’m sure Elizabeth wouldn’t want you to be so miserable. You haven’t done anything wrong, and neither have I.”
“But I have,” he cried, emphasizing this with a wave of his free hand. “I wasn’t enough to stop her from falling into despair, and I don’t know how to do better with you other than to remove the stress of being pressured to provide an heir. If I don’t learn my lesson, then history will repeat itself.”
