Page 76 of The Viscount's Unwanted Bride
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
Her hand pressed to her throat, and she flinched. “Done what?”
“All of it.” He started to reach for her but stopped himself. He didn’t deserve the comfort of her embrace. “I shouldn’t have risked what we just did.”
She looked stricken. “Did you not want it? You said—”
“I did,” he hurried to say, horrified by her distress. “I swear, I did, but it wasn’t wise. What if something goes wrong? What if I lose you too?”
Her expression softened as understanding dawned, and she rested her head on the pillow beside him and cuddled up to him. “Whatever happens, it will be all right. You won’t lose me.”
“You can’t know that.”
She hadn’t been through this before. He had. He’d thought to protect himself by refusing to remarry, and then, when that had fallen through, by keeping his distance from his wife.
Now, he feared it was too late to save either of them. Thanks to his selfishness, he might have doomed them both.
CHAPTER 24
Oxfordshire
January 1823
A knockon the door signaled Mrs. Tubb’s arrival in Kate’s bedchamber, and the knots in her gut tightened. She hoped she wasn’t making a dreadful mistake.
It had been a little over two weeks since the night they’d shared their bodies. Two weeks, and one of the loneliest Christmases she’d ever experienced. The servants had put up decorations, and she and Theo had exchanged gifts, but the entire affair had been awkward, and they’d spent the day largely apart.
She’d tried to draw him into singing carols as she played on the piano, but he’d been preoccupied, and eventually she’d given up. It was far from the cheerful, festive holiday she’d hoped for.
Despite the time that had passed, she still couldn’t get the memory of his horror-struck expression after he realized what they’d done after he’d woken from his nightmare out of her head.
She’d understood why he’d been upset—what had driven his terror—and she’d tried to respond with kindness and sympathy. She cared for him and didn’t want to see him in such a state.
But regardless of that, his reaction in the aftermath had felt like the worst kind of rejection. He’d been legitimately horrified by what had seemed to her like a beautiful, intimate shared moment… up until the end, at least.
Then, it had been all too apparent what it really was.
A mistake.
One he regretted wholeheartedly.
As awful as that was, what had been even worse was the sinking in her gut as she’d wondered whether she’d somehow taken advantage of him. He’d been in a weakened state, agitated by his nightmare and not in the most reasonable frame of mind.
She’d asked if he’d been certain he wanted to consummate the marriage, and he’d said yes, but she should have resisted anyway. The right thing to do would have been to dress and talk through whatever had plagued him in his dreams rather than allowing him to draw her into something he’d never have wanted if he had been thinking clearly.
The knock came again, and she snapped to the present.
“Come in!” she called, turning to face the door.
The handle turned, and Mrs. Tubbs entered, a friendly smile on her thin lips. “What can I do for you, my lady?”
Kate looked around, trying to find the courage she’d had when she’d initially summoned Mrs. Tubbs. She wasn’t wrong to want to put her own stamp on this place, was she? Since she’d arrived, she’d been living with Elizabeth’s ghost. The late viscountess’s mark was on everything.
Kate didn’t want to erase her or replace her, but she needed to do something to make it feel like she belonged. Everyone had treated her kindly, and she could tell they were pleased byher presence, but she felt like an intruder who’d stepped into someone else’s life.
Theodore had told her that she could make whatever changes she wanted to, and she was going to do just that. At least within the safety of her own bedchamber.
“I would like to redecorate,” she declared, injecting steel into her spine.
