Page 74 of Seducing Jenny
“She…she took over my body on Halla. In my ship. Right after the funeral.” Jenny’s head lolled again, her voice growing fainter. “The headaches…she was trying to get in even then. I don’t know why I couldn’t see her when it started. Maybe shephased herself out of my vision, which has happened to me before…”
She turned her head and vomited again, grimacing afterward. “Sorry…is Surge okay?” she asked, genuinely concerned.
“I’ll be…” he coughed, “okay.”
Tears glimmered in Jenny’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, Surge—”
“Not your fault,” he rasped, barely audible.
But it didn’t matter. I could see it—she felt every ounce of guilt anyway. Her tears fell in streams and her lips trembled with grief.
Mal wiped her cheeks with a dry cloth. “Jen, it’s not your fault,” he murmured gently. “You couldn’t control—”
“But I should have,” she said around a sob. “I should have be able to, Mal. I’m a conduit and—”
Discord spun around. “What?” Her shocked voice sliced through the air.
“I should have been able to stop her,” Jenny cried. “I should have fought harder.”
“Hey, guys,” Sam’s voice chimed from the door, before she let out a high-pitched scream. “What the fuck! Surge!”
I turned toward her, utterly exhausted to my ghost. “He’s going to be okay. Let everyone do their jobs, Sam. We’ll explain later.”
“Surge!” She started to weep into her hands.
“Be…okay, Sam,” he said, his voice hoarse.
She sniffled, her eyes brightening a bit. “Really?”
“Yeah, I—”
He convulsed again, coughing violently. Blood poured over the exam table and Longshot, Discord, and Mal sprang back into action.
Sam stared in horror as Surge started to bleed out. “The fuck!” she shouted.
I pushed her out of the lab and locked the door, mouthing through the little round window at her tear-stricken face, “I’m sorry.”
It was for the best. I couldn’t take any more screaming. Couldn’t take more chaos. Couldn’t take the risk of Sam getting in the way of them saving Surge’s life.
It was nothing more than a war zone in Surge’s lab. Blood and vomit, ghosts and guilt, wounds and regrets.
Jenny had returned to me, but nothing about this day would ever be forgotten.
CHAPTER 22
Jenny
This is all my fault.
It was the only thing I could think of as Surge’s blood poured onto the floor in his lab. I didn’t hear their voices anymore. It felt as though I wore earplugs under water. The only thing I heard was my own inner voice.
This is all my fault.
If I had stayed with Sarah and learned what it meant to be a conduit, or if I had been less selfish and never snuck aboard Tiger’s ship when he took Elizabeth back to Earth, or if I had gotten off on Earth instead of giving into my crush on Tiger, Surge would not be dying. I had brought all of this chaos on myself and my friends by being selfish. I didn’t deserve their friendship. I didn’t deserve whatever feelings Mal and Tiger have toward me.
Have? No, after this,had.
I’m a monster. They are too good to love a monster and I don’t deserve it anyway.
