Page 17 of Curvy Girl and the Mountain Man Wolf
"Whoa," Lily breathes, her eyes wide. "There are so many!"
"More than you can count," I tell her. "Out here, away from city lights, you can see the Milky Way, that cloudy band across the sky. It's actually millions of stars so far away they look like a smudge of light."
"It's like glitter," Lily says, pressing her face closer to the window. "Can we go outside and look up at them?"
"Not tonight. It's too cold after dark. But tomorrow, if it's clear, we can step out on the porch for a few minutes.” I say, knowing they probably will be gone by then.
She accepts this compromise with a nod, still staring at the sky in wonder. "Do you look at the stars every night?"
"Most nights," I admit. "They're good company."
"But they don't talk to you," Lily points out with a child's logic.
"Sometimes silence is better than talking."
She considers this, her small face serious in the firelight. "Is that why you live alone? Because you like silence?"
The question catches me off guard. How do I explain to a child why I've chosen isolation? How do I tell her that I'm too dangerous to live among people, that my control is too fragile, that the beast inside me has tasted blood and might again?
"Partly," I say finally. "And partly because... I'm different. Sometimes it's easier to be different when you're alone."
"Different how?" she persists.
I search for an explanation she might understand. "You know how some people are really loud and like parties and being around lots of other people all the time?"
She nods.
"And some people are quiet and prefer to be alone or with just one or two people they know well?"
"Like Mommy," Lily says. "She says big crowds make her tired."
"Right. Well, I'm very far on the quiet end of that. Being around people is... hard for me. Exhausting. Up here, I can be myself without having to pretend."
Lily considers this explanation, seemingly satisfied. "I like loud places sometimes and quiet places sometimes," she declares. "Right now, I like it here because it's peaceful and there's snow and animals and stars."
"That's a good way to be," I tell her. "Flexible."
The bathroom door opens, and Lois emerges, her hair damp and curling like Lily's, her face flushed from the hot water. She's wearing clean clothes, a soft-looking sweater and leggings, and the scent of my soap clings to her skin, mingling with her natural fragrance in a way that makes my wolf perk up immediately.
Mine, he insists. Our scent on her. Ours.
I step back, putting more distance between us, fighting for control. It's not getting easier with time, as I'd hoped. If anything, it's getting more difficult to maintain the separation my human side knows is necessary.
"Mommy, Mr. Kane showed me the stars!" Lily exclaims. "There are millions and millions and we can see the Milky Way which is like glitter in the sky!"
Lois smiles, moving to join her daughter at the window.
"It's beautiful," she agrees, looking up at the night sky. "In Denver, we could only see the brightest stars because of all the light pollution."
"Kane says we can go outside tomorrow night to look at them more if it's not too cold," Lily informs her.
Lois glances at me, surprised. "That would be lovely. If you're sure it's not too much trouble."
"No trouble," I say, my voice rougher than intended. I clear my throat. "It's worth experiencing at least once."
"Yes, I imagine it is."
"I need to check the weather report," I explain. "See what the roads are looking like."
