Page 119 of Absolute Certainty
“Maya’s sweet. I think I expected her to be angry. Like, she should’ve gotten to know me before I was allowed anywhere near Eloise.”
Ah. That made sense. Jay opened the passenger door for her. “I’ve known Maya for a decade now. We were friends before we hooked up; neither of us had a thing for each other before or after. I’m sure she wants nothing more than to know I have someone, so she can stop trying to set me up with anyone she thinks could be a fit.”
Sahar let out a low laugh. “She does that?”
Closing the door, he walked over to the driver’s seat. As he buckled himself in, he added, “I told her about you when she came to take Ellie because she was adamant about introducing me to her yoga instructor’s sister, who apparently just moved to New York.”
He caught her biting her lip. “Oh.”
Driving out of his garage, he looked back at her. “Yeah, and Ellie’s a bigger conversation to have. I know that. So, I’m sorry you got ambushed a bit.”
“It’s okay. Honestly. I think it helps to know that Maya is cool with it. I—”
When she trailed off, he gathered that what she wanted to say was making her nervous, so he reached over and took her hand.
“I’ve only had this conversation with one other ex, and never this early, but given the circumstances, it’s a little different with you.”
Jay tightened his hold on her, silently nudging her to go on.
“I don’t know if I want—” She cut off again, trying to find her words. “I love kids, and I’ve always imagined some sort of a family, but it’s never involved getting pregnant on my part, so I, uh, don’t know if you want more kids who are biologically yours.” She swallowed, her voice low. “And if you do, I’d understand if you had to end this now.”
He looked at the time on his dashboard and then pulled over on a nearby street, parking the car.
The seatbelt was suddenly suffocating him. He unclasped it, pivoting to face her. “There’s nothing in this world that scares me more than being a dad,” he said. “Still,to this day.” Swallowing the lump in his throat, he continued. “I was so fucked up when Maya told me she was pregnant. I was convinced that if I had any part in the kid’s life, I’d somehow morph into the same person my dad was.”
Sahar’s fingers roamed across his forearm, soothing him.
“It was always going to be Maya’s choice first, so when she decided she wanted to keep the baby, I went all in with her. I had to try,” he smiled. “Eloise is the best thing in both our lives, and if she's the only kid I have, that’s completely fine with me.”
Crows cawed somewhere above them, their conversation mingling with his and Sahar’s. “I’m glad you told me where you stand, but it’s not a deal breaker.” He paused, thinking over his next batch of words so they’d come out correctly.
“I’d love for you to get to know Ellie when you’re ready, but if that isn’t something you’re comfortable with, then—this is it, I suppose.”
Horror flashed in her gaze. “Jay. Of course, I want that. I just, I need to know that this will—” She exhaled a sigh. “I just need a bit more time.”
He palmed her cheek. “Time,” he repeated. “Works for me.”
And then he turned, pulling his seatbelt back on and starting the engine again.
At the train station, she’d hugged him with a force that shattered him from the inside out. Quiet rain had started to drizzle again.I’m from London,she had reassured him. Still. He’d worry.
She’d said she’d call later tonight.
They’d figure things out. At whatever pace she wanted them to.
Jay walkedbackinto his apartment to find Maya sitting alone on the couch, doom-scrolling on her phone.
“Where’s El?” he asked, kicking his sneakers off by the door.
She angled her head in his direction. “Showered and immediately crashed, and I just let her. She didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah, probably the storm. Plus, she was very concerned that you were all by yourself here.” She used air quotes around the words,all by yourself.
Smiling, he plopped himself on the couch beside her.
“I’d seen pictures of Sahar, so I knew she was stunning, but holy smokes, photographs do not do that woman justice.”
