Page 89 of Absolute Certainty
Sahar knew, without a shred of doubt, that if she leaned forward and kissed him, he wouldn’t push her away. He’d welcome it. He’d probably taste like the gin and tonic she’d also had.
It might not last, but it could still be lovely. It could heal you, even if another part of you dies. Maybe just for tonight.
Tonight and before, Sahar knew that most of her longings stemmed from how Jay had been with her. How he’d introduced her to his friends and colleagues like she was someone worthy and special, instead of the afterthought she had been to Martin.
Jay wanted the people who didn’t know her name to remember it. He’d even corrected someone who’d misheard or simply didn’t care enough to retain that Sahar and Sahara were two different names.
His meticulous attention meant something.
It meanteverything.
His hand, at the small of her back. The way he leaned a little forward every time they spoke. His arm, around her shoulder. The way he held her gaze every time he looked at her.
He’d said he’d take her home first, make sure she got there safe, but what if he didn’t have to leave her?
What if he stayed?
Sahar flicked her eyes from the ground and up toward his gaze. Jay was already looking at her.
“Jay,” she whispered.
A delectable hum reverberated from his throat, emboldening her.
Stepping closer, she brushed her fingers along his bicep, down to his forearm, and up again. Slow, sweeping slides as he watched her, his eyes tracking every movement. “Willa’s gonna be at Ethan’s tonight. Would you like to come over for drinks? Maybe a round ofDread Questor…” she trailed off, pale-pink nails still grazing gently across his skin.
Jay brought his thumb and forefinger to her chin, tipping her eyes up from his arm and onto his face. “Or what?”
Biting down on her bottom lip, she desperately wished it were his. Here.Now. “I think youknowwhat.”
“Maybe I want to hear you say it.” Jay’s already deep voice had dropped an octave lower, desires playing on his face like a kaleidoscope.
Warmth enveloped her, compressing the small space remaining between them. Sahar briefly scanned the entryway they stood in. If they were anywhere else, she would’ve flung her arms around him and kissed him. But she wanted to have him outside of Manhattan, somewhere quiet and not as bustling. Though maybe they’d end up in some passerby’s photograph, immortalized as a tangible memory if they didn’t last beyond this point of endless possibilities.
Looping one arm slowly around his neck, she leaned fully into him. “Maybe I want you to kiss me,” Sahar whispered in his ear.
Jay wrapped an arm around her waist, clutching her firmly, as she caught the wordfuckharnessing deliciously in his throat.
“Or that,” she agreed, her tone a bit more cheeky, looser.
He darted his eyes from her to the oncoming car that’d pulled into the lot, letting out another low curse. “Ride’s here.”
Sighing, she released her hand from his neck, but Jay didn’t let go of her waist. Instead, he once more guided her to the car and opened the door.
While inside, Sahar laced their fingers together, squeezing. He welcomed her gesture by lifting their hands to his lips, and the tender press of his mouth to the back of her hand made her heart swoop.
The car’s obnoxiously loud air conditioning and Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way” blared through the speakers, the lyrics making her momentarily second-guess it all. Jay, Martin—her present and her past. Her future.
What wasshemeant to learn from all her former relationships? Why did so much heartbreak always find her? Over and over and over again. And had Jay ever gone through heartbreak as numbing? Had he lain awake at night, questioning why he wasn’t ever enough for someone? Had he ever wondered if he was too much for people to handle?
Someone honked their horn repeatedly, pulling her out of her thoughts. She looked up at him again. His gaze hadn’t left hers. As though catching her mental spiral, he mouthed the words, “You okay?”
Sahar nodded. She needed to be. Shewantedto be.
Late-night text messages and quick conversations at the coffee shop were no longer enough. She wanted more of him, however ephemeral their moment would be.
She wasn’t in love. He couldn’t break her heart after one night, no matter how great a kisser he turned out to be.
He couldn’t shatter her spirit this early on.
