Page 45 of Absolute Certainty
JAY
Jay thought of Sahar during the entire duration of his train ride, and in his car from the station as well. He called his mom, wanting to see how Eloise was doing, but she’d been too busy playing with her friend to want to talk to him.
He had tomorrow off, which meant he wouldn’t be seeing Sahar, and since she was off on Mondays, it’d be three days from today. On Tuesday, his shift was set to end at three, and she wouldn’t be coming in until around five-ish anyway, so he’dmaybesee her on Wednesday before her matinee performance. There was no other justifiable reason for him to be around her, even though he wanted it more than anything.
He wanted her to keep asking him questions. He wanted to answer them all.
When Jay was finally home, he hopped into the shower, scrubbed off the smell of coffee, dragged a pair of sweatpants on, and sat at his kitchen table.
Flipping open his laptop to write, he hoped that the time spent with Sahar would maybe inspire him with the episode he’d been working on.
Jay thought back to the moment when she’d disappeared from him, her mind undoubtedly wandering to a place he wasn’t meant to follow. He had counted the seconds ticking by, deliberating when he should say something.
A minute had passed when he finally nudged her.
Sahar had been far away, even when she came back to him.
He blinked, once, twice, trying to focus on the screen. Reading some parts over and over again, he eventually decided to delete a good chunk of the dialogue that no longer served the narrative and started writing with a fresh perspective. He considered how Sahar viewed Katherine’s bravery, and because the scene dealt with her wounds, it felt easier to flesh it out more.
All at once, the words began pouring out of him.
It was as though the characters had full control of his brain, and they were the ones in the metaphorical driver’s seat.
Pausing for a few minutes, he stood up and shuffled to his fridge to grab a can of Coke. Water felt too dull now that he was making progress. Snapping it open, he took a few sips while walking back to his seat.
By fully attempting to focus on Katherine’s unease as she was captured, Jay learned that her determination did, in fact, stem from her mother’s stories and the influence she continued to have on her daughter long after she passed. He berated himself for not realizing that Katherine would’ve been twice as resilient as he initially thought because her motivations weren’t just for her—they were for her mother, too. She wanted to fight against all the people who believed she should never have been made a detective in the first place. That was what Sahar must’ve seen when she determined that Katherine’s death would be a disservice to her character journey and all that she had fought for.
He typed away at his keyboard and, for a fleeting moment, felt proud of the series coming to life in front of him. He was sure now that telling the story with a new ending in mind was the right way to move forward. It allowed the characters to guide him as opposed to how he’d originally written it—a product to sell. There were parts of the initial draft that were undoubtedly sincere, but even then, Jay knew at the back of his mind that he was composing what he thought producerswantedto read.
And from day one, he should’ve been writing for himself instead—for Sahar, too, who he still couldn’t believe was a part of this journey with him.
Jay continued to write for another two hours, pausing briefly to eat dinner, then resuming until he couldn’t see straight.
He took off his glasses, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. Blinking a few times, he then looked at the digital clock across from him on the stove. It was nine-forty-five. Staring fixedly at the time, he debated whether he should send the revisions to Sahar now or wait until he was able to edit tomorrow morning. He mulled it over briefly. Really, he should wait. But he wanted an excuse to talk to her.
Sighing, he decided it’d be better with an early morning reread.
He closed his laptop and trekked toward the front door, crouching down by the shoe rack. He skimmed through the three unopened packages piled on the floor, looking for the one in book form from the Strand. That was where his copy ofThe Wolf Ladywould be. Locating it, Jay tossed the wrappings and order confirmation slip in his recycle bin, then headed toward his bedroom. He could at least start reading until he fell asleep.
As he sat on the edge of his bed and unclasped his watch, his phone vibrated beside him with a call from his mom. Jay answered, knowing it’d likely be Eloise.
His daughter should’ve been exhausted after a full day of activities,but she was as chipper as ever when she exclaimed, “Hi, Dad.”
“Hey, kid. Did you have fun today?”
“Yeah, a lot of fun! Grandma let us play theShrekgame, and I beat Mary twice! But then she beat me during the last round.”
Jay smiled. “Nice. Did you pass that level that was hard in the beginning?”
“Yeah! Aunt Lexie helped us before she went to work.”
“That’s cool. I’m glad she was able to help you two.”
“What did you do?” Eloise asked.
Swinging his legs over the bed, he leaned back against the headboard. “I went to work, and then I had lunch with a friend,” he answered.
“Did you have fun?”
