Page 42 of Absolute Certainty
She shook her head at his swiftness, stifling a laugh. “Thank you.”
Jay winked. Something in Sahar came alive in response, like sudden bursts of fucking fireworks.
Stop. No.She couldn’t. She refused to let her silly heart ruin the start of what felt like a solid friendship. Sahar knew how to flirt—how to touch and tease and pleasure a man. She knew all the words to use to get someone’s attention. But she couldn’t, not with Jay. Sheneededto commit to being alone, to dancing on her own for a long while until she could be trusted with her choices.
Until she…until she was also right for someone else.
The last conversation with Martin came to the forefront of her mind again.You’re a joke, Sahar. A selfish whore. I wanted to break up with you way before you did. If you didn’t have your body, no one would even want you.
It was the most cruel he’d ever been. She’d laughed at it then, but she’d be lying to herself if she said the words hadn’t tormented her.
She heard Jay call out to her before her eyes focused back on the present. “Hmm.”
“Where’d you go?”
Sahar tried to smile, but her lips felt locked in place. She willed herself once more. “Sorry, remembered something.”
Jay cocked an eyebrow.
“It’s not important,” she emphasized.
His curiosity morphed into concern. It made the present knot in her chest tighten. “You sure?”
She nodded, now reprimanding herself internally. “Yeah, all good. Promise.” She changed the subject with another question. “So, before I get back to work and you head home. When can I expect a new episode?”
The worry in Jay’s expression remained. She wanted to break it, pull out a smile, or the sweet sound of his quietly deep laugh.
“I’ll have some time to work tonight. So maybe tonight or tomorrow.”
Sahar smiled. Good, back to writing. It excited her. It was a safer topic, guaranteed to result in compelling conversations that wouldn't cause her to spiral. He should never wink at her again. Her insides were incapable of handling it properly.
They stood up to leave. Sahar turned back to face him. “What does Eloise think of Dad’s job?” she asked.
Something indiscernible flashed in Jay’s eyes. It resembled fear, but she couldn’t quite place it. “Please don’t ask me that. Last night she mumbled something about wanting to make movies like me, and I almost had a heart attack.”
He held the door open for her, allowing her to walk out first. The afternoon sun was blazing, and instantly, thick humidity enveloped them in its muggy hold. “Why is that a bad thing? That’s wholesome, Jay. My dad’s a software engineer. So is my sister. Frankly, I wish I weren’t the black sheep who chose acting.”
Jay vehemently shook his head.So it was fear.“I don’t ever want her to know how treacherous this industry is. I’m a man, at least. I have advantages. It’d kill me if she faced even a fraction of discrimination.”
Sahar stopped in front of the restaurant, pivoting to face him.
He bobbed his head forward. “I’ll walk you back to work.”
“You don’t have to do that,” she contested.
“I want to.”
She turned to continue walking before she spoke. “Mate, I hate to break it to you, but she’ll face discrimination in every single field—even if she wanted to be a pediatrician like Maya or a teacher or, I don’t know, the manager of an all-women's clothing store. This world is shit, and unless there are drastic changes, aswomen, we’re always going to have to fight harder. I haven’t seen your daughter, so I’m not sure if Maya’s a woman of color, but if she is, take it from someone who knows what it’s like to be half, we’re all a bit fucked.”
Despite the bustling city’s sounds, she caught Jay’s deep breath. “Maya’s Latina. And I know. Trust me, I’m aware, but Hollywood is still so vile, even when they pretend they’re making progress.”
Sahar looked up at him.Wow, she hated this.It was like seeing him that one morning, hunched over in front of the coffee shop. Grumpy Jay was one thing, but sad, concerned Jay was gut-wrenching.
“Were you like this when your sister dove into acting?”
“A bit, yeah. But I was also more optimistic back then. I hadn’t seen the worst of it yet.”
Sahar tried to smile, but her heart ached. This industry really was shit, and it was getting worse by the second these days. Come tomorrow, they could get another disappointing announcement about yet another thing taken over by AI.
