Page 26 of Absolute Certainty
Smiling, she seemed to be processing his words.
“Did your dad keep your old drawings?” she asked.
No. He was a dick before I even learned how to walk.“Well, first, I wasn’t as talented as you are, so no,” he said.
“But you just said: progress is important.”
Jay bent down, meeting her at eye level. “Yeah, but my dad didn’t think like me,” he admitted, sparing her the ugly truth about how vicious her grandfather truly was. Someday, if she wanted to, she’d be old enough to learn more about what he’d done, but today wasn’t that day.
“Was he nice?”
No. He was the worst person I’ve ever known.“Not exactly, but that isn’t important. Whatisimportant is how many scoops of ice cream do you want?”
“How many scoops doyouwant?” she returned, emphasizing the wordyougiddily.
“I feel like it’s a three-scoop night. Beach days always warrant an extra scoop, don’t they?”
Eloise agreed with an emphatic nod. “Yeah!”
She grabbed two spoons from the drawer, then lunged onto the island's barstool. Taking the ice cream from the fridge, he loaded their two bowls—coffee for him, strawberry for her—and sat down.
“Dad?” she said before taking a bite.
“Hmm.”
“You’re the best dad ever.” She said it so plainly, so matter-of-factly, so sincerely that he couldn’t help but believe her.
Jay harbored countless fears and never-ending doubts—messing up parenting at the top of the list, but if the floorboards cracked open and swallowed him whole, right at this very second, at least he’d know that he’d somehow done right by her.
And he wanted to be even better for Eloise. Always.
“I love you times infinity,” he said.
With a big smile and way too much ice cream in her mouth, she repeated, “I loveyoutimes infinity.”
That had been their thing. When Eloise was four, she had learned what the concept ofa scale of one to tenmeant, proceeding to ask him then how much he loved her at that level. He’d replied none, because ten simply wasn’t high enough. He’d said infinity, and in her adorably shocked state, she’d said, “You love me times infinity?”
I love you times infinity,Jay had confirmed, because that was exactly what he had meant, and she said it back to him.
He’d been knee-deep in student loans, struggling, and in the world’s worst rut the day Eloise was born. February 16, 2016, 8:32 in the morning. He wasn’t with Maya in the hospital room because she only wanted her mom, but Jay had been right outside when he heard Eloise’s near-howling cry. Tears had fallen the second he saw her sweet little face, and his entire life changed the first time he held her, promising to himself thenand there that he’d pick up all the discarded pieces of himself and patch them up one by one for her.
With her mouth full of ice cream again, she mumbled, “Why are you staring at me?”
Because I can’t believe how lucky I am to have a kid as amazing as you.He smiled, dodging the question. “Slow down, or you’ll get a brain freeze.”
She swallowed abruptly and then winced, shutting her eyes.
Trying not to laugh, Jay suggested, “Press your tongue to the roof of your mouth.”
She did so and lightly tapped her foot along the chair’s wooden leg like some sort of reflex. Once it was gone, she scooped some more and said, “Are we going to playShrekafter?” They’d been playing all the oldShrekgames that he was shocked still worked from Alex’s old PS2 console.
“How are you not tired?” Jay asked.
“It’s summer!” she exclaimed.
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
Eloise squared her shoulders. “Sleep is for the weak.”
