Page 145 of Absolute Certainty
“I wish you and Mommy lived in the same place.”
Fuck. That one hurt. It would always hurt.
“I’m going to visit more, Ellie. I promise you.”
A barely there smile rose across her lips. “I know. And I know that you have to live in New York because it’s better for your job. It just makes me sad sometimes.”
“It makes me sad all the time,” he admitted. “Being away from you is the worst kind of sadness I know, baby girl. But if you ever need me, I told you I’d move mountains to get to you. I want you to remember that, okay?”
Her little hand landed on top of his, and he held it, his heart shattering.
“I love you times infinity,” he said.
“I loveyoutimes infinity,” she repeated. “Can you tell me one story?”
“I can tell you two.”
Eloise’s eyes lit up. “Okay, for the first one, what’s your next movie about?”
Jay let out a low laugh and got up to sit at the edge of her bed. “Sneaky girl. You know what, I can actually tell you this one. You’ve gotta keep it a secret, though, okay?”
She brought her pinky up to lock it with his.
“This one’s a TV show. And it’s a love story,” he started. “What do you want for the second?”
“Promise you’ll teach me something about directing a movie?”
The excitement in her gaze momentarily healed every wound that’d ever ached inside of him. “Yeah, baby. I will. We’ll start with all the basics.”
He started by telling her the PG, fairytale version ofEvery Speck of Dust, giving credit to Sahar for the happy ending of it all. He even gave her his word that by the time it was out, she’d be old enough to maybe watch thehappierparts of it.
The ending, maybe. Thebeginning.
Jay wentover to his bedroom first, but Sahar wasn’t there. He trekked to his living room, finding her on his couch, with her headphones in. He was about to approach her from behind when he remembered how easily she spooked. So, he walked over to her carefully from the front. As though sensing his footsteps, she peered up at him, pausing whatever was playing on her phone.
“Is she asleep?” she asked.
He nodded and plopped himself down beside her.
“You alright?”
He inhaled and released a forceful exhale. Placing his head on her shoulder, he said nothing. His eyes darted to Eloise’s glittering mermaid backpack on the other side of the couch next to Sahar’s floral tote, taking in the small pops of color filling his gray space with more vibrancy.Life.
Her arm vined around him, carding her fingers through his hair.
“It’s going to be so fucking hard to be away from her again. I hate it,” he let himself say.
“Jay,” she began, her voice melodic and soothing against the pounding inside of his chest. “You can visit her more often, can’t you?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I can. It just sucks.”
“I know. But you’re going to leave the coffee shop soon, and it’ll be easier when your hours aren’t all over the place.”
“How do you know I’m leaving soon?” he asked, looking up at her.
She tilted her head in a musing gaze. “Because Ido.You’re still holding on to the fear that they’ll shelveEvery Speck of Dustagain,but your life is about to change. I’m sure of it.”
“Ourlives,” he corrected her.
