Page 122 of Absolute Certainty
“Let me see how my guy is feeling, and I’ll be right there,” Sahar replied.
Nodding, Chelsea bounced off the cushioned seat and sprang toward the dance floor.
Alone in the relatively secluded corner, Sahar slipped out of the booth and trekked toward where Martin stood, looking at his phone. She wrapped her arms around his neck and placed a kiss on his cheek.
“I love you,” she said. “Happy Birthday.”
Martin rolled his shoulders, aggressively shoving her off him. “We’re in public, Sahar. Calm down.”
The churning acid in her belly threatened to rise up her throat. She swallowed, her breath locked uncomfortably inside her lungs.
“Okay, so we’re still being an asshole to me? Got it,” she noted, doing everything in her power not to cry.
“Don’t make a scene,” he bit back.
She tried to force out another breath, then reached over the bench and grabbed her bag. Shewouldn’tcause a scene. That wasn’t who she was. She’d keep playing pretend, but fuck all of this. She was done. She couldn’t keep letting this pitiful excuse of a man make her feel like the smallest person in the world.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Like you care.”
“Sahar, relax. I’m sorry.”
She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Are you?”
“Stop being so fucking difficult,” he sneered again.
Britney came back, dragging Martin to the dance floor. “Last I checked, it’s your birthday, bro—get yourass over there,” she hollered.
With two fingers, she pointed Sahar in the same direction.
“I need another drink first,” Sahar replied, then beelined straight to the bar.
Afterward,Martin and his friends decided that they wanted to go to some new club that'd just opened up, but Sahar couldn't do it anymore. She made up an excuse about how she wasn't feeling well, went home, and immediately bolted for the shower, where she wept.
We’re in public, Sahar. Calm down.
One would think she’d been dry-humping his bones and slobbering all over him like some wild animal in heat. It was a fucking peck on his cheek. The briefest hug. No one was around. What the fuck was wrong with him? And what was wrong with her? Why was she continuing to put up with him?
The once scalding hot water running over her had gone lukewarm.
It’s not just him. It’s you. You’re the problem. He’s embarrassed by you. Hasn’t he said it enough times?She shook her head violently, fighting the banshees in her head.
You’re too loud,they continued. Sahar cried harder.You get too excited. Everyone’s said this about you.
Hugging her knees tightly, she shivered uncontrollably.
Remember the way you snorted when you laughed at that one joke Vera made while everyone laughed normally? That’s why he doesn’t want to be seen with you.Her eyes burned. Her heart was too broken. She couldn’t shut the voices off. She didn’t know how to.
Tyler was right. Martin just confirms it, as have the others.
You’re only palatable in small doses.
She cried and cried until the water grew cold enough to force her out.
Then she cried herself to sleep.
The next time she saw Martin, she had to be done.
