Page 114 of Absolute Certainty
“Every single one,” she promised.
Unclenching his shoulders, he took one of her hands in his and swept his thumb over her knuckles. “When my parents would fight, I used to run outside to our front yard,” he started.
God,Sahar could already feel her heart splitting in half. She could see it clear as day: a broken little boy, sitting all by himself, the world taking and taking from him. Too loud. Too dark. Too scary.
“One day, there were two crows, and I had plain toast in my hand, so I tossed some pieces to them.” His lips twitched up a fraction, like a portion of the memory wasn’t too bad.
“I didn’t know anything about them. I think I just wanted to distract myself from the screaming inside. The next morning and the one after that, when I was on my way to school, I saw a bunch of things in front of the door. There were coins and colorful rocks,” he let out a low huff.
“The two crows kept coming by me afterward, sometimes together or one at a time. I don’t even know if they were the same ones, or if they told their other crow friends. But I started carrying bread with me and kept feeding them until we moved away from that house.”
He wasn’t looking at her as he spoke. His memories had taken him far away. “Lex wasn’t born yet. I think it was just nice to know that something was looking out for me. So, right after I got my BA in film, I got it.”
His name fell from her lips in a low whisper, her heart in her throat.
Jay’s eyes locked on hers. “You’re the only person who knows the reasoning behind it. I usually just tell people it’s meaningless when they ask. Crows are badass. That’s why.”
She wanted to fucking cry. The rain still pounding against his window felt like it was flooding inside of her. No matter what came from this relationship, however long it’d last, Sahar would treasure this detail about him—keep it vaulted close to her heart.
But God, how she wished she had a guarantee of forever. Now more than ever.
Tears pricked in her eyes. “It means the world that you told me. Thank you for trusting me.”
He outlined the ink along her forearm, his fingers gliding against her own crow. “What about yours?”
“I’ve been obsessed with them since I learned about their loyalty and intelligence in secondary school. It wasn’t my first tattoo, but it was my first big one.” She smiled for a beat, realizing how much more significant it felt now. “Shit, though, I did it when I was here in New York, actually, while I was visiting. I wanted the reminder that wherever I went, I’d have loyalty in my corner.”
She lowered her head then, skating her lips over his rib cage to press a kiss along the feathers.
Sahar always believed in love. She fell hard and fast and without reservations, desperately wanting the relationship to last. But she’d never actually believed in soul mates or invisible strings. That stuff felt fictional—fated for other people, perhaps, but never for her.
Yet, everything about Jay felt cosmically intertwined, and nothing scared her more than that. Of all the coffee shops in the world, she had to walk into his. The crow on the left side of his rib cage would always align with the one on her right forearm.
When he’d spotted hers the first time, did he think of his? Did he wonder if the universe was maybe handing him a sign?There’s someone who’ll look after you. She’ll protect you through everything.She gazed up at him; he was still elsewhere in his mind.
“Did he steal your entire childhood, Jay? Was there ever a point where you could just be a kid?” she asked.
When he looked at her, his eyes were glassy. The sadness of a lost little boy torrenting right out of him.
“He left for a year when Lex was two, and I was ten. I think that was the only time things were fine. That was also when I met Patrick because we moved next door to his family.”
A sigh escaped him. Sahar traced circles along the muscles of his abdomen. “He came back and fucked shit up again. And when I was sixteen, that’s when…” he trailed off, his Adam’s apple bobbing with a hard swallow.
“You don’t have to say it if it’s too hard,” she noted.
Jay pulled her hand up and placed a delicate, stabilizing kiss at her pulse point.
Let me be your strength,she wanted to say.Take whatever you want from me,she wished she could add.
“That’s when he hospitalized my mom. It was also the same day my grandpa died. I somehow knocked him out, and we reported it. Mr. Sharp, Pat’s dad, was a firefighter. He saw the whole thing. Testified for us. It landed the fucker community service. Nothing else…” he bit out.
Catching the fury swelling in his voice, Sahar palmed his cheek. He wrapped his fingers around her wrist, inhaling another deep breath.
“But we were able to get restraining orders after that, and she was able to finally divorce him. I think the only reason he stopped trying to find ways to destroy her life is because he met someone new. And I fear for that woman every day.”
A monster. The person who should’ve been protecting him caused him the most pain, and then he got away with it. What a vile piece of shit. Her heart was in shambles.
“Is your mum okay now? And I mean, likereallyokay? I wondered when we’d met.”
