Page 79 of Phoenix Falling
“She’s my mate, Grim.”
“I gather that.” And thank God for it, or we would be well and truly lost here.
He sighed. “I fucked up. Badly.”
I reached out and slapped him on the shoulder. “One of the greatest truths about mates is this: there is only one. You can fuck up, but it’s not like they can find another one.” Not that I’d want to base my relationship on that, but Sun would have to take what he could get.
He was staring down at his hands. He didn’t look happy to have a chance, although he should be damn grateful.
Or maybe the issue was something else. “What?”
He clenched his fists. “Her memories…”
When he didn’t go on, I prompted him, “What about them?”
“Her gift works not by fooling your eyes but by fooling your mind.” His words choked off, forcing him to clear his throat. “That’s how she can make people believe…”
The trail-off was the key. “You aren’t seriously jealous about men shedidn’tsleep with, are you?”
He shot me a look.
“Sun—”
“I know! I know, okay?” He shoved a hand through his hair. “It doesn’t make any sense. But I didn’t expect to see—”
I turned on the seat to fully face him. “You know that the matebond would allow you to see every bit of her, even men shehasslept with, right? Just like she will see with you.”
He winced.
“The thing is, it doesn’t matter who she’s been with—you are the only one that gets all the parts of her.” If she—eventually—agreed to offer them to him, which was questionable given the current circumstances, and even more so if he hinted at being upset about her sexual history.
“I know that.” He kicked at the grass under his foot. “I just need some time to come to terms with what I saw.” More kicking, more thinking. Pain flashed across his face, floated to my senses on the air. “The thing is, it’s not so much the males she fooled.”
“Then what the hell is it?”
“It— She was in love, okay? Before me, she was in love. Just once, but…”
Ah. Damn. “But seeing that hurt.”
“It shouldn’t.” He squared his shoulders. “I’m king of the Archai; why would I feel intimidated by emotions she felt for my former best friend?”
Ouch. “Arik?”
He hesitated. Nodded. “Arik.”
The griffin shifter’s name came out rough, like Sun was forcing it out around gravel. I searched my mind to find something, anything that would make that an easier pill to swallow.
And came up with nothing.
“What if she can’t love me like that, not after what I…”
That was the rub, wasn’t it? The “after what I did” part. And unfortunately, there was zero guarantee. Only Risk could decide if she could forgive and maybe, possibly, forget. “Arik wasn’t her mate. You are,” I pointed out. “Besides, shouldn’t you be more upset by the pain she’s gone through?”
His head jerked up, eyes blazing at the accusation. “Damn it, of course. That’s there too.” He stood up and began to pace. “The thing is, that’s not what she thinks about. It’s not at the forefront of her mind.” His voice slowed as if he was feeling his was around the things he’d seen inside her. “Rissa is more warrior than I would ever understand if I hadn’t been in her mind. Females are softer, more sensitive; that’s what we’ve been taught. Weaker. But Rissa… She doesn’t acknowledge pain, doesn’t allow it to take up space inside her. That’s how she made it through.”
“She still feels it.” She had to. Everyone did. “She buried it because she was alone,” I reminded him. “She’s not anymore. Now she can finally rest and heal. Integrate the parts of herself that she’s been forced to keep separate.” If…
I left that part unsaid. Sun didn’t need any more reminders; he knew what was at stake. We both contemplated that while he paced back and forth. The sun rose higher, but I waited, knowing there was more. The situation with Risk was complicated, and Sun needed to talk it out. Get his head on straight, especially before he saw her again.
