Page 109 of Phoenix Falling
“Sun—”
Her tone didn’t sound promising.
“Sun—” She rubbed at her forehead. “I’m sorry.”
Not what I’d expected her to say. “What for? You haven’t done anything.”
“Exactly. I haven’t done anything because it was easier to leave us in stasis than to try to figure out how to handle this. Try to figure out how I felt. What I feel,” she corrected.
“How do you feel?” I could reach out and touch her mind, know what was inside her without asking. But Rissa had made it clear she didn’t want that. I could no longer, in good conscience, violate her will when there’d been too much of that between us already.
She began to pace. “I feel…vulnerable.”
That confused me. The Archai spent our lives looking for a mate. The idea that we could be completely open to someone, that they would know us inside and out…it was something we looked forward to. Craved.
Rissa hadn’t known it was possible. For someone that played things as close to the vest as my mate to now have to accept that there were no more secrets, ever again… Though I didn’t want to admit it, didn’t want to give an inch, I understood how that would feel uncomfortable.
Everything inside me screamed,I’m your mate! You should want me!Hearing that she didn’t was almost more than I could bear.
Rissa went on. “I don’t want to feel powerless, not after decades of taking care of myself. It takes a lot to lay down those walls willingly, and I didn’t get that choice. Not only that, but you’ve done your best to reinforce that lack of power. It doesn’t make me feel like I can trust you with being vulnerable.”
This was my fault. I knew it, but hearing my mate say it aloud was a smack in the face. “I guess I can understand that,” I conceded.
“I just—”
I straightened my spine.Here it comes.
“I just don’t know how I can get past that.”
My eyes closed. Pain knifed through me. I stood silent, waiting for her to finish me off, waiting for her to say she was refusing me.
Except she didn’t say anything.
When I opened my eyes, she was staring down at her hands as they twisted in front of her. What did she want from me? I’d told her I was sorry, and I’d meant it. What else could I do?
“I love you, Rissa.”
Her gaze jerked up to meet mine. “What?
“I love you. And no matter what you decide, I always will.”
She frowned.
“Don’t tell me it’s not true—you’ve been inside me. You know for a fact it is. And unless you tell me you’re done, I won’t stop trying to win you back. I can’t. I love you, and you love me.”
“I loved you,” she corrected me. “I don’t know if that’s true any longer.”
She was slicing me open and leaving me to bleed out.
“You say you love me, but you don’t treat me like you do. I may be your mate, and we may be bonded, but that doesn’t mean I have to allow you to abuse me.”
That word,abuse,hurt. It hurt because I didn’t want it to be true—I didn’t want to be the male who had abused his mate. But I knew it was true. I couldn’t deny it any more than she could deny what I’d said.
“You’re right.”
She hesitated as if surprised.
“You’re right,” I said again. “I haven’t treated you like I love you. I’ve let my control slip with you where I never would have with anyone else. I have no excuse for that. But it isn’t how I want us to continue. I don’t want that to be the mate you are tied to, Rissa.”
