Page 88 of Griffin Undone
Didn’t want to in that moment.
Kat collapsed back onto the pillows, and as I watched, hot tears dripped from her eyes to trickle back into her hair. Shit. I shoved the shitstorm swirling in my head away and dropped my forehead to hers, kissed her softly, again and again. Stroked her tenderly. Anything to calm her, to bring her down gently from the agonized need that had overtaken our bodies, that still had me hoarse and trembling. “Breathe with me, Kitty Kat,” I whispered. “Just breathe. I’ve got you.”
I followed my own advice as I tucked her shivering body hard against me. The wide-open connection between us slowly dwindled with the last waves of pleasure, but still I felt stripped bare, caught, unable to wall myself off from the complete exposure of the past few minutes. My animal roared in triumph, brought his wings around to cover our mate, shelter her, protect her. He didn’t know what my human side knew, that even with a bond, we couldn’t keep her. We couldn’t give her what she needed.
Kat slowly drifted into sleep, surrendering to the strain of the night and the overwhelming energy expended in creating our bond. Only females could do so; females sent the psychic call, and males, if they loved their female, accepted. Kat had done all the hard work.
And I had fucked us both.
ChapterThirty-Eight
Kat
The bed was empty when I woke. I wasn’t sure where Arik was, how long I’d slept, whether it was day or still night. Only one thing solidified in my mind as the fog of sleep dissipated: last night had changed everything.
A thump of fear accompanied the thought. I’d made my decision in the dingy hallway of my former apartment, for better or worse, and when Arik and I had made love… Well, I didn’t know whatthathad been; all I knew was that for a single space of time, he’d been the very air in my lungs. I’d known everything about him, every single detail—and those details explained so much, about him, about Maddox and Sun and why Arik was doing what he was doing. What he’d done to get to this point.
It even explained how I could love him. Arik was ruthless in many ways, especially in training. And yet he could also be tender and sexy and beautiful. That compartmentalization had come from hundreds of years of torture at the hands of his enemy. Every moment of his life after he’d left the clan had been a game of chance. Every connection he’d made with another living being had been a risk, both for him and the person he’d cared about. He wasn’t an Archai trainer, but he’d been trained by them—and by Maddox—in the most brutal ways possible. The ways he now used to train me. No, he hadn’t been thrown in the ring with an Anigma enemy—he’d faced them on the street with no one at his back. It was all he knew, and he was trying to give me the benefit of that training to keep me safe.
And to use me.
And that’s where the fear came from. I’d chosen Arik, but seeing his past, living it through him…I knew without a doubt that he’d choose revenge over anything else. I couldn’t even blame him. I just wasn’t sure there was room for me somewhere in his life, before or after he got what he wanted.
Of course, lying here worrying about it was getting me nowhere. I threw back the covers and stood, groaning as I more hobbled than walked into the bathroom. My body hurt, and a glance in the mirror showed bruises everywhere. Maddox packed a mean punch, the bastard. A long soak in the hottest water I could stand helped ease some of the pain, but I still found myself reaching for sweatpants and forgoing a bra beneath the matching sweatshirt. If it was soft and unconstricting, I’d wear it. Anything else…uh-uh.
On socked feet I made my way down the hall. The living area was dark except for a dim light coming from the office. I’d gotten so used to that door being locked firmly against me that it was now a shock to see light spilling from the open doorway. I walked silently, bracing myself for… I wasn’t sure. But something inside me wouldn’t relax as I leaned against the doorjamb and let my gaze come to rest on Arik.
He took my breath away. Probably always would. Seated before the wall of monitors like sentries across his desk, his arms and shoulders bared by the tank that strained across his back, he typed and clicked and shifted from one monitor to the next, seeming oblivious to my observation. I stood silent in the doorway, watching him move, trying to track the elusive memories in my head from last night. Not the ones when we’d been…connected, for lack of a better word, but after. When I’d been tucked in his arms, his wings blanketing me, his heartbeat and the rough sound of his breath the only things I could hear. What had it been about that moment that caught at me now? What…
And then, like a whisper in the dark, I heard again the voice that had entered my mind in that shadowy place between awake and asleep. Deeper, rougher than Arik’s. Harder. Repeating a single word over and over in my head:mate. Just that.My mate.
Did the Archai mate?
Arik’s head went up, and I swore he sniffed the air. He jerked around fast, his glowing eyes searing me with their intensity.My mate.
“What?”
Arik didn’t answer my telepathic question, merely shook his head like he was waking from a dream. The light in his eyes faded until their normal steel-blue color was revealed—beautiful eyes, touched with concern and something else I couldn’t name. They traced my loose clothing before staring into mine. “Sore?” Arik asked.
Why that made me blush, I wasn’t sure. “A bit. And stiff. I’m not used to fighting like that.” Or almost dying, though that seemed to be happening a lot lately. “A bath helped.”
Arik nodded absently as he tugged a chair closer to his. “Come sit.”
I crossed the room. The closer I got, the more his scent and heat drew me, and the more I itched to touch him. Just a bit, just enough to reassure myself that he was still with me. But there was a vibe of something I couldn’t identify in the air, something that warned me away despite my need. Something…
I settled into the seat. “What’s going on?”
Arik grunted, eyes on the screen. After a bit more typing, he said, “I contacted Sun.”
No.“Arik—”
He reached out, his hand landing on mine unerringly despite his focus on the monitor. “I know.” The screen went blank after a final click, and Arik turned to face me. “I know you’re afraid, and what you’re afraid of. I saw it all last night, remember?”
I felt my skin go hot and dropped my eyes. Arik cupped one burning cheek, his thumb stroking over my flushed skin. “He’s not a bad male, Kat. And when he knows what using your power costs you, when he understands what happened after you blew that apartment building to bits, he’ll be careful with you, take the time to build the barriers that will keep you safe. Grim will help.”
That got my head up. “What about—”
“No.” The word held a hint of a growl, of anger. I flushed again. “I’m not going to risk a recurrence of what happened last night. I’m not a bastard.” A pause, and then Arik shook his head. “Okay, I am. But I won’t risk you like that again. I can’t. You can defend yourself, and that’s all. Anything more is too dangerous. Maybe in time…” He left the sentence unfinished. “We’ll find another way to get to Maddox. But to do that, I need Sun on board.”
