Page 59 of 40 and (So Over) Fixing It
Erin flattened her hand out, returning to her earlier petting. “That’s the problem with living in a small town—you can’t run away from the memories. In some ways that’s good, because you don’t forget the good things. But that also means that sometimes the bad things get brought up, through no one’s blame, and you sort of have to sift through it all over again. Sometimes that is easier…”
“And sometimes it’s not,” he finished for her.
“Yes.”
He turned carefully onto his side, pulling Erin closer. His legs tangled with hers, their bellies touching, her breasts, free from her bra, mashed against his ribs. He kissed her softly on top of her head, drawing in the unique scent of her. The scent he was coming to love. “Then let me hold you through it,” he said. “I don’t need to take anybody’s place, but I’m not gonna leave you alone either. Just let me hold you.”
And that’s what he did for the rest of the night.
ChapterTwenty-Four
They were both awake far before dawn. Erin could feel Carter thinking even if he didn’t say anything.Sheshould say something, but she was afraid anything she said might put him off, so she kept quiet and tried to enjoy the novelty of being held for once.
Of course, if she could sense him, she should have guessed Carter could sense her.
“You’re thinking so hard you woke me up.”
His voice was gravel-rough in the mornings. The tone sent a tingle down her spine. What would it be like to wake up to that sound every morning?
“I think that was the other way around,” she joked. “Your brain works really loud.”
Carter chuckled. He’d stayed close all night, but now he curled tightly around her back. Spooning. It felt so good.
“So what has you thinking so hard this morning?” she dared to ask.
“Your husband.”
She jerked in his arms, not because she wanted to get away, but because the answer shocked her so much. “Stephen?”
“Yes.”
Again with the thinking. She sat up carefully and turned to face him. The windows were just lightening up, enough that she could see the frown lines between his eyebrows, around his mouth. She reached out to smooth them away. “Tell me.”
“I don’t know a lot about your husband’s death, but…I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what you told me last night. I guess…” He drew her hand away from his face and brought it to his mouth for a kiss. “I guess I need you to know that if we were together, I don’t expect you to be my caretaker. I’ve been taking care of myself for years. I’ve never had a medical emergency like I did yesterday. It wasn’t intentional.”
“I’d never believe it was, Carter.” He wouldn’t risk putting Thad through that.
“It never would have happened if I hadn’t been so focused on finding Thad.”
She squeezed the hand that held hers. It seemed she wasn’t the only one needing reassurance. “I do understand that.” She took her hand back—and his—and kissed his palm. “I never had to be Stephen’s caretaker. His death was a surprise to all of us. But yesterday…” Now it was her turn to frown. “Memories of the kind of pain I experienced when Stephen died don’t just disappear into thin air. They ease with time, yes, but they’re always there, imprinted on your mind. And I wouldn’t be smart if I didn’t think about it seriously before getting involved with someone else who could leave me like he did. Do I want to go through that pain if I lose someone I love again?”
Carter sucked in a breath, held it. Sitting up, he propped himself on his hands behind him. “Do you? Want to get involved with me, I mean?”
That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? The one she hadn’t been able to get off her mind since they’d gotten to the hospital. Did she want to get out now, before she really got attached?
Who was she kidding? She was already attached. She couldn’t call it love, not after a mere seven days, but if she’d lost Carter or Thad yesterday, the pain would’ve left a huge scar on her already scarred heart.
“I have to be honest with you, Carter: I don’t know if I’m ready to love again. Not right now. We spent half of this week fighting.”
His grin was a little crooked, a fact that his beard mostly hid, but she could see it now. “We did.”
She grinned too but then got serious again. “So, I don’t know if I’m ready, but what I do know is that I want to find out.” She reached out to smooth the sleep-mussed lines of his facial hair. “I feel something for you, something I can’t yet put a name to, but it’s there. Is that enough for you?”
He leaned in, his mouth going to the smooth line of her collarbone to place a gentle kiss. “It’s more than enough for me.”
Tension drained out of her in a rush. “Oh thank God. I thought you were going to make me sweat that one.”
“No way.” He nipped the bone just under her creamy skin. “I want to get laid before I leave you today, and making you sweat any other way wouldn’t work in my favor.”
