Page 26 of Teach Me
“You didn’t think it mattered? I told you I don’t want a commitment. Virgins are all about flowers and hearts and white-picket fences andcommitment.”
“I told you I wouldn’t ask for a commitment.”
“That’s not what your body’s saying.”
She shook her head, the anger in her eyes settling to a mild boil. “My body doesn’t speak for me. Con…”
She took a step away from the cool tiles, toward the warm water and his too-warm libido. His hand jerked up on instinct, warding her off. Jess stopped like she’d hit a brick wall, and her eyes, those beautiful doe eyes that had captivated him from the start, went blank. She squared her shoulders despite the shiver that racked her body.
His hard-on died a rapid death. “I thought—”
“Thought what?”
He swiped at the water running down his face. “I just assumed you had been with Brit or someone at some point, before… Most relationships involve sex, Jess. Hell, most women lose their virginity way before graduating college.” Lord knew he had. “I thought you’d been with at least him, even if…”
“Even if what? If he was a bastard now? I mean, I got off so easily for you, surely I could’ve done it with him, right? For how long, Conlan? I was with Brit for a year. Part of that I spent mourning my parents, oblivious to pretty much everything around me and just obeying commands, going through the motions. It would’ve been the perfect time to give it up. Even if he treated me like shit. Even if I hadn’t necessarily enjoyed it, at least it would’ve been out of your way. Is that what you thought?”
He dropped his gaze to the water pooling at their feet, unable to bear her scrutiny.
“You’d rather I had a bad sexual experience than no experience at all? Guess what? You almost got your wish.” Her breath hiccupped over the last words. “If he hadn’t been so busy grooming me to be his little doormat, he might’ve pushed harder, might not have waited till he had me good and secure under his thumb. Except then he got tired of waiting. I came way too close to being raped—by the bastard you were hoping I’d had sex with.”
He jerked his head up. Jess wasn’t looking at him; she was staring at the tile in front of her as if it held the memories that had to be swirling in her head.
“He brought me home from a charity dinner I hadn’t wanted to go to in the first place. He was drunk and wanted to have sex. I told him no.” She shrugged, the move anything but casual. “He said he deserved it. Saying yes would’ve been a lot more convenient now—and a lot less painful then.”
The dead tone to her voice was worse than having her scream at him. Worse than her punching him. In fact, he wished she would; maybe, in the short-term, that physical pain would dull the agony already in his chest. He closed his eyes, but his brain supplied the pictures anyway: Jess so small and defenseless; that big blond bastard hurting her. “Jess, I—”
“Don’t say you’re sorry.”
He’d told her that before, hadn’t he? She hadn’t had reason to be sorry; he sure as hell did.
“It’s the truth. But Jess”—he gestured between them, amazed his hand was actually steady—“you shouldn’t do this. You shouldn’t give up your virginity for a one-night stand. On a whim. You certainly shouldn’t give it to someone who…”
“Someone who doesn’t want it?”
Her brittle tone flayed him like shards of glass, but the cuts could never go deep enough to dig out what he’d done. What he’d said. “I just—”
“Forget it.” Jess turned away. With a push, the shower door opened. She pulled a towel off the rack as she stepped through, and wrapped it around herself, tucking the end in tight, hiding her body from his gaze.
He shut off the water, stepping to the shower door mere seconds behind her. “Jess—”
But she was already walking out of the bathroom, scooping her clothes off the floor as she went. She didn’t look back. “Save it.”
He paused, one hand on the shower door, and watched her exit the room.Fuck.
He’d handled that like the biggest shit ever.
He needed to follow her, needed to go in there and fix the problem, only…there was no fixing it, was there? As much as he wanted to heal her hurt, he couldn’t go back on his decision. Just the thought had the noose around his neck tightening.
What a fucking mess.
Giving her time to get dressed, he dried himself and walked into the closet to slide on a fresh pair of jeans. He snatched up a T-shirt and tugged it on roughly as he crossed to the bedroom door.
Jess was sitting on the chest at the end of his bed, lacing her shoes. His heart clenched as he watched her struggle to tie them with shaking fingers.
“Jess.”
She didn’t look up. “I want to go home, please.”
