Page 15 of Teach Me
At her apartment complex, Jess directed him around to the door closest to her second-story apartment. The lot was quiet, well lit, nothing suspicious. Con pulled up to the curb directly in front of the door, planting his feet solidly on the pavement on either side of his bike, and loosened his helmet. Telling himself it was a bad idea, he took his helmet off and shut down the bike.
The sudden silence screamed in his ears. Hooking Jess’s arm through his, he glanced back. “Ready?”
“No,” she said on a laugh. Her smile couldn’t have been wider if she’d been a kid in her first candy store. But she leaned into him anyway and slid her leg over the back. Con steadied her as she got her land legs back under her.
Jess loosened her strap and slid her helmet off. “Thank you. I really enjoyed that.”
He could tell. The view she provided as she shook her hair out, leaving it windblown and wild around her shining face, rivaled anything he’d ever seen—and made him antsier than being on guard duty in Afghanistan.
He had to get out of here.
“Glad you enjoyed it,” he told her. “See you Thursday night?”
“Sure.” She watched him stow her helmet in a saddlebag. “Um, Conlan?”
He slid his attention from her helmet to his, avoiding looking Jess’s way. “Hmm?”
“I was wondering…I know it’s late, but…did you have plans for, um, dinner?”
The words barely made it to his ears, they were so soft, but they hit him like a lightning bolt. Everything in him shouted for him to say no, to take her up on the implicit invitation while he had the chance. But it wasn’t a good idea. He knew it wasn’t a good idea. And so he let the silence spin out, caught between should and want to.
From the corner of his eye, he caught the clench of Jess’s fists.
“I’m sorry. That was…much too forward. You’re my teacher…” Her voice trailed off, but not before he heard the faint wobble underlying it.
He shouldn’t say anything. He should let her go inside, let her believe he wasn’t interested, let her believe it was something about her that caused him to turn her down when the truth was, it was all about him.
It was the easy out. He couldn’t do it.
“I’m the one who’s sorry. I can’t, Jess.”
“Sure. I’m sure you have other plans. Maybe another night, right?”
She said it flippantly, but he wasn’t bastard enough to leave her with any hope.
“I can’t any other night either.” His words caught in his throat, forcing him to clear it. “I can’t because…because you’re far too tempting.”
She stared in his direction, her expression shadowed by the fading summer twilight, hiding her reaction from him. Her voice had lost its wobble when she spoke again. “That’s a bad thing?”
He tried to smile, to ease the hit of his words, and failed miserably. “For me, yes. I’m unavailable.”
“Married?” she asked sharply.
“No.” He shook his head, lips tight. “Just…unavailable.”Emotionally, mentally.How did he tell someone he was fucked up in the head and therefore not a good dinner/sex/anything prospect?
He lifted a hand to spear roughly through his hair. He wished he could see her eyes, could make her believe it was him, not her, with the problem. Classic, huh? She wouldn’t buy that line any more than she’d buy the truth—that she really was too tempting for his sanity.
“Sure, I get it. It’s okay.” Those fists tightened, the white of her skin visible even in the shadows.
“No, it’s—”
“It is. I-it’s fine.” Jess turned toward the door hastily, tripping over her feet before finding her footing. He watched her rush the door. “Lesson Thursday night, same time?”
“Jess—”
She threw up a hand, dismissing him without looking back. “It’s okay. I’ll be there at six.”
“Sure,” he said softly even though she couldn’t hear him as she opened the door and slipped inside. He watched her rigid back through the glass until she turned off, probably into the stairwell. Only then did he jam his helmet back on his head and turn the key.
