Page 6 of Destroy Me
No, she wasn’t. Unable to resist, she reached up and took his hand. The truth was, she was scared. She’d faced charming Fionn and serious Fionn, but the man coming for her wouldn’t be charming and would go way past serious. In her head she knew she deserved anything he chose to do to her, but her body couldn’t get with the program.
She squeezed his hand tight, then dropped it to reach for her cider. “If you knew it was your last day on Earth”—or your last day free—“where would you spend it?”
Sean’s worry turned to amusement as he glanced at his boyfriend. He really was beautiful to look at, with that raven-black hair and half grin. Almost as beautiful as—
“Getting the shift.” He winked at Cathal.
As if she’d even needed to ask. Of course he’d be in bed with his boyfriend.
“Smart man,” Cathal said, his smile full of promise. With his thick brown hair and dark eyes, he was equally as handsome as Sean. Ireland had its share of gorgeous men; that was for sure.
“Well, that’s no help for me,” she teased. “Y’all aren’t into girls.”
Sean chuckled. “There are plenty o’ men in Quigley who’d be happy to take you for a ride.”
He said it often, which was why she doubted it. Oh, it was a nice thought, but she knew better. She wasn’t the type to draw men’s attention. A virgin at twenty-four. Not just a virgin—she’d never experienced the touch of a man besides a few fumbling kisses in fourth grade. Hardy…what had his last name been? The thought of him actually kept the smile on her lips. Hardy had been before she was taken out of public school. Before her brain had been indulged and her desperation to prove she was worthy had truly taken flight. Before she’d passed eight grades and four years of college in seven years and became the youngest computer genius formally on the government’s payroll at the age of sixteen.
If the stereotype of male computer nerds were that they died virgins, her experience as a female nerd wasn’t that far off. She hadn’t cared, not when Fionn was a part of her life. The only man she’d wanted touching her.
That dream had died a painfully agonizing death two months ago. Or so she’d thought. But now, as much as her heart beat in her throat with fear, there was a small part of her that welcomed his hands on her any way she could get them.
She shook her head at her own stupidity and sat back, letting Sean and Cathal’s conversation flow over her while she sipped her cider. Soaking in the sounds of villagers laughing and arguing and drinking all around her. The courtyard sat between the Hairy Lemon and a burger place she swore was McDonald’s in disguise. Anytime she got homesick—and Sean wasn’t around to be appalled—she’d stop in and get takeout. They even had the same combo she’d grabbed too many nights on the way home from work at Global First.
The thought squeezed around her heart. A gulp of cider didn’t push it away, but it was all she had available that might help.
Michael, the local butcher, and Jared from the corner store where she often went to pick up breakfast toastie, sat at the table next to them. The young woman who checked her out at the Tesco on the edge of town chatted happily with a group of teens looking too young to drink, except the legal drinking age in Ireland was eighteen. Wouldn’t that have been fun when she was younger? She could’ve actually participated when her teams socialized after work.
Across the way, a couple of politicians she only knew by sight argued, their wives looking bored. Lyse’s eye was caught by the wild gesture of an arm, bringing her focus to Philippe and Pierre, twins who’d opened a French patisserie a few months before she’d arrived in town. Their pistachio truffles were the best thing she’d ever put in her mouth that Sean hadn’t cooked, but she wouldn’t tell him that. Their storefront was just across the street, the window lit up to display a tantalizing array of gold-leaf-decorated chocolates.
She almost moaned just glancing their way. The sound choked off in her throat as she did a double take that had nothing to do with the treats. That was all due to the shadow standing just beyond the window—the shadow with the right height and width, with the tiniest hint of auburn at the top to be the man she’d both hoped to avoid and longed for with every breath left inside her.
The shadow shifted, heading for the street.
Her glass slipped from her hand.
“Lyse!” Both her companions reached for the glass, but it was Sean who caught it in his sure palm, barely allowing a drop to spill. “Feck it.”
She dragged her gaze back to him. “I’m sorry.”
Sean settled the glass on the table before he turned to her. “Wan, you’re white as a sheet. Let me take you home.”
And risk Fionn hurting him? No.
She sucked in a breath, trying to calm her pounding heart. “I’m okay, I promise.” Standing, she leaned over to brush a kiss across his cheek, then patted Cathal’s shoulder. “Really, I’m fine. Just need a bit of fresh air and to go to bed.”
“We—”
She wouldn’t see them again. What did you say to people who’d made such a difference in your life when you so desperately needed them? Was it better to just walk away or say goodbye?
It didn’t matter; all that mattered was protecting them.
She pointed a shaky finger at Sean. “Stop. I said I’m fine.” Dropping her hand, she let her eyes go soft, reflecting all the things she couldn’t tell him, not now. “You’re right; I’ve got something coming on. A good long rest will fix me up, okay?”
He still didn’t look happy; the glance he shared with Cathal was filled with a determination she could not let him follow through on.
“Hey,” she said, and waited till he looked up at her. “Thank you. Really.”For so many things I can’t say.“I’m going to walk home and go to bed. Stay here and enjoy the night.”
He nodded, his reluctance plain. “I’ll be checking in on you when I get home.”
