Page 39 of Assassin's Game
“Diesel, stay,” I told him. The dog whined, his dark eyes sad, but retreated to the dog bed I’d laid out for him beneath the computer desk I usually sat at. I understood the need to retreat to a cave, a place where all exits but one were closed. Having him near me, tucked into safety, my body between him and possible danger made my chest tight and soft, all at once. I’d take him with me now, but we didn’t know what awaited us upstairs.
Remi and I took the stairs, our footsteps ringing in the empty space as we went up. Remi wasn’t quiet long.
“You know you can’t trust her, Eli.”
And there it was. I’d known it was coming, had time to consider my response. There was no way to hide the emotion riding me when I was near Mikaela; it was no surprise my brother had picked up on it. I wanted her, no doubt. But did I trust her?
My instinct said yes. My past, my training said it was too soon.
“I mean, I get chemistry,” Remi was saying.
“And what chemistry can lead to,” I pointed out. Remi had stalked Leah for almost a year and a half before he acknowledged that the attraction between them wasn’t going to disappear. Even then, it had taken Brooke’s kidnapping to finally make him act.
Remi stopped on the first-floor landing. “Leah is different. Nix is…”
“Mikaela.” She wasn’t just a soldier, no matter how much she thought she was. That’s why she hid behind the nickname. But beneath the fatigues was a woman I very much wanted. My brothers should know all about those layers by now given what had happened in their own lives. “And yes, she is different from Leah. I don’t want Leah.”
“But you do wantMikaela. That doesn’t mean it’s safe to get your dick anywhere near her.”
I certainly planned to get it more than near her, but Remi wouldn’t appreciate that thought.
“Besides”—he started up the stairs again—“what would be the point? It’s not like they’re staying here after we deal with X.”
They might not be planning on it, but my instincts told me Mikaela wasn’t going anywhere, not yet. I might have limited time to get her to let me in, but I could do it.
Also not what Remi wanted to hear.
“You used to realize commitment isn’t a necessity in a relationship.” That, he’d agree with. Me too. Certainly I’d never needed commitment. But with Mikaela…
“I know you, dumbass,” Remi snarled. “You seriously thinking about commitment on any level with a woman you just met is insane. Two days ago we thought she could be a serious threat to our family; she still could be a threat, for all we know.”
It was my turn to stop, just shy of the second floor. “Serious has never been my MO; I get that.” I’d played the field deliberately. Our life was complicated, and I’d never met anyone worth trying to work into it. “I can’t tell you what’s going on with Mikaela. Do I want her in my bed? Damn right. For more than one night? Abso-fucking-lutely.” It would take far more than a night to satisfy my hunger for her. “Do I want a commitment? How the hell should I know?”
I knew, but I kept that intel to myself. I couldn’t tell him how I knew, and yes, it was crazy, butI knew.I just did.
Remi’s narrowed eyes said he sensed I was holding something back. “All I’m saying is, watch your back. That woman will put you on your knees.”
“That’s already where I plan to be,” I said, cocky grin slipping easily into place. “Better access that way.”
Remi shook his head. “I tried to talk you out of it. Remember that.”
The smile dropped from my face as we walked through the second-floor entry. Leah was leaving Abby and Levi’s room down the hall. We watched her walk toward us, her eyes tired. The pink T-shirt she wore pulled around her pregnant belly bump, barely there yet shouting its presence right now. The way she drew a thin long-sleeved overshirt across her middle told me she was as aware of the strangeness as I was.
Remi opened his arms to his fiancée. Leah walked into them, burrowed her face into his chest. He kissed the top of her head. “How is she?”
Leah pulled back so she could look at both of us. “About as well as could be expected. Bleeding isn’t unheard of in the first trimester. Bed rest is a precaution.”
Something in her voice had me asking, “What are her chances?”
Her hand dropped to her belly, starting that rubbing thing I’d seen her do since we found out she was pregnant. “In all honesty, most pregnancies don’t have great chances from the get-go. At this stage, ten to twenty percent don’t make it. We just have to wait and see.” But her expression told me she wasn’t happy waiting and seeing, any more than we were. Men acted—and there was no action we could take to make this go away.
I glanced to her stomach, where Remi’s hand now covered hers. Covered his child. In the back of my mind I’d known pregnancy was risky, but…Jesus, I couldn’t imagine going through this. I wanted to go in there, put on a brave face, make Abby smile, but that felt like a betrayal of the seriousness of the situation. Children died; I knew that better than most. In and outside the womb. But for it to be your child…
Down the hall, the bedroom door opened and Levi exited. When he moved to close the door, the sound of Abby’s voice filtered out. Levi hesitated, said something back, but left the door cracked before coming toward us.
“She wants to see you,” he said. Lines of fatigue aged his face in a way I’d never seen before.
“We’re about to head out,” Remi said, his voice rough with held-back emotion.
