Page 70 of Assassin's Heart
Remi nodded. “We’ll be ready in a few minutes if you’d like to go ahead and start loading up.” He reached out a hand. “If I forget to tell you later, thank you.”
Dain shook. “Of course. If you need us in the future, you know where to find us.”
Dain had to have some idea of what the brothers were, that everything here had not been on the up-and-up. Surely Charlotte knew something, had told King. Maybe it was easy for them to compartmentalize, to focus on their part of the job—keeping Brooke and me safe—and ignore everything else, but meeting Dain’s intense gaze, I knew he knew something. And yet he seemed totally at ease with the idea of working with the Agozis again.
Shouldn’t that tell you something?
Dain and Elliot went to begin loading the equipment. Remi spared a glance for my dad playing with Brooke, then his brothers handling what little luggage we had, before tugging me into the bedroom. I followed willingly, though my throat went dry when he locked the door behind us.
“We need to talk.”
I winced. Somehow I’d thought we’d do this when we got back to the mansion. That I’d have more time. That I wouldn’t be so torn when it came down to the moment when Remi broached a conversation about our future. And that’s what this was; I knew it. The threat of the Fioris was gone. Remi wasn’t the type of man to just go with the flow and let the future take care of itself.
Deep breath, Leah.“Okay.”
He sat on the edge of the bed. When I came close, he grabbed my hips in his big hands and pulled me where he wanted me, right between his legs. Heat flashed through my body.
“We’ll be home soon,” he said, the rough rumble of his voice doing nothing to ease the need inside me. We hadn’t been alone since the night before last, the night he’d blown away any preconceived notions I’d had about how good the sex could be between us. I hadn’t stopped craving him since.
It was his words that put a damper on my libido. I stared down at his chest like a coward. “I know.”
His fingers dug into my flesh. “So…what’s next? Where are you going when we get back?”
I reached for him then, my hands on his biceps anchoring me through the storm beginning to swirl in my head. “Remi—”
“Because I know exactly where I want you to go,lev sheli. I just don’t think you’re ready for that.”
Lev sheli. My heart.My own heart melted every time he said it.
I forced myself to meet his shining amber eyes. “Are you saying you love me?”
Remi’s chest expanded as he took a deep breath, his pecs brushing my nipples. “I don’t love you, Leah.”
My heart dropped to my feet.
“What I feel for you isn’t anything as fragile as love.” Reaching up, he gripped my jaw, his thumbs brushing my lips. “I thought that’s what it was for the longest time, but not now. I’m not even sure there’s a word powerful enough to describe what I feel for you. I can’t breathe without you. I can’t think. I can’t bear to think about you not being with me; I think it might destroy me if we have to go back to living without you as a part of me. I need you, Leah. You’re mine. I—”
Leaning in, I pressed my mouth to his, stealing whatever words he’d been about to say. No doubt they’d been beautiful, but I didn’t need them. He’d shattered my heart already.
Remi was smiling when I drew back. He took in the tears dripping down my cheeks, and the smile vanished. “Hey…”
“No.” I shook my head. “It’s okay.” Now it was my turn to cradle his face in my hands. “I love you,” I choked out. “I’m not poetic and the words might seem inadequate, but I do.” Stroking the stubble he hadn’t bothered to shave this morning, I fought to say what I needed to say. “I love you, but I don’t know how to do this. I have a child. I have to think of Brooke’s safety first.” As much as it was ripping me apart inside.
Remi pulled me down until I was sitting in his lap. “I would never put Brooke at risk.”
“But this, what you do”—I waved a hand at the hotel room—“isn’t that the same thing?”
Remi’s forehead met mine. I watched his eyes slide closed, the frustration creasing his brow. I’d never want to tear him away from his brothers, to make him choose, but I couldn’t deny that my breath had stopped and I was fiercely, frantically hoping that he would choose me.Please please please choose me.
When Remi took my kiss, his tongue tasted of a desperation of his own.
My heart was racing as he broke away. He eased me back, giving us both space, and dread tightened my chest.
“I don’t have all the answers,” he finally said. His eyes, when they met mine, had darkened to copper. “I don’t know what to do. But I know one thing—I’ll do whatever I have to, to keep you.” His fingers dug into my hair and grabbed tight. “Can you accept that for now? Let us make these decisions together?”
Time. He was asking for time. But what if he decided he couldn’t walk away from killing? What if he couldn’t—
What if? What if?The questions were never going to end. Could I let go of having all the answers now? Because that’s what I really needed to ask myself. If Remi decided to choose the life he led over the life we could have, would I regret taking what little time I might have left with him?
