Page 44 of Only for the Moment
Kennedy did some massaging of her own, smoothing over Isaac’swell-honed body, the bulging muscles from where he held her. “Do I?”
“Yes, you do. So fucking right.”
They drifted in the silence for a long time. The tension that had filled Isaac when he’d come to her door this evening had dissipated. She didn’t want to lose the peace, but neither did she want him to think she wasn’t here for him if he needed it—in more ways than just the physical.
“Do youwant to talk about what happened today?”
Isaac sighed. “Couldn’t miss that, could ya?”
He scooted her onto the step beside him, making her mourn the loss of his warmth, his touch. Of course when he came around to kneel between her thighs in the shallow water, eye to eye, she got a perfect view of his sun-kissed good looks. What would he look like on a surfboard riding a giant wave the same coloras his eyes?
“I really don’t want to think about anything tonight but you, yeah?”
She loved that little lilt at the end of his sentences, theyeahthat seemed like a question but was more of an emphaticthis is what I want. And really, she’d give him just about anything he wanted if it relaxed the lines around his eyes, the frown bracketing his mouth like it had when she’d first glimpsed himin her doorway tonight.
Except that frown was back. And there was something else, something in his eyes—a hesitant look that said he was holding something back. “But…?”
Isaac dropped his chin. “But nothing. We’re together tonight; that’s all that matters.”
The tension in his body said otherwise. “Isaac, I can’t give you what you need if I don’t know what it is.” If they were talking about needs,that was hers: to give him what he was searching for.
“No, love. This”—he raised a hand, tucked the wet strands of her hair behind her ear, but he didn’t meet her eyes—“this is enough. You’re not ready for anything else.”
“I’m the one that decides when I’m ready.”
The words were automatic, but so was the dread in her belly. She glanced down, noticing that the hands he’d planted on either sideof her hips were fisted tight, the knuckles white, screaming his tension. Or maybe that was denial.
He needed, and he didn’t think she could provide. It was her biggest fear come to life, and it was time to face it. They needed to get this out in the open. “Just ask me.”
“I—” Isaac met her eyes, and his words died. He pressed closer, gathering her against him. “Don’t be afraid, Ken. I’d neverhurt you.”
He read her so well. Too well sometimes. “But I might hurt you. By not being what you want me to be.”
“No, absolutely not.” He leaned back, cupping her chin to force her to look at him. “Youare what I need.”
But that wasn’t all. “I need you to tell me, Isaac,” she said, her voice ragged with emotion. “Don’t hold back. We’ll never know what we can be if we hold back.”
Her heartstuttered as the words echoed in her ears, forcing her to hear them, to acknowledge them, whether she was ready or not.We’ll never know what we can be if we hold back.
God, was she really ready to let go like that? Completely?
Isaac’s arms caged her, holding her tight and safe against him as he sank lower in the water until his forehead rested in the valley between her breasts, his breath awarm wash of air on her skin. “I need…” He shook his head the slightest bit. “No, I want… I want more than anything to tie you tonight. Completely, no restrictions, no rules but your safe word.” He turned to brush his mouth across her nipple, the wet cloth an unwanted barrier to his skin on hers. “I want your surrender so much I can hardly stand it.”
She closed her eyes. “Even though I’m notreally a sub?”
“Hey, look at me.” He waited till their gazes locked. “You submitted the first time I tied you; that’s what a sub is. And the next morning, when you let me control you as you rode me. Are you saying you faked that?”
Kennedy sputtered. A little-boy grin teased Isaac’s lips. Pain-in-the-ass man. She splashed water at him.
“I did not fake anything.”
He grabbed her hands, forcingthem behind her back, holding her in place. A shot of something that felt like anticipation hit her belly. “I know that. If you had, you wouldn’t have been able to sit the next day.”
“I—” She shook her head. A tiny smile sneaked past her guard.
“Kennedy.” The amusement still lurked behind his eyes, but his tone told her he was serious. “When are you going to realize that it’s okay to be whoyou are, to explore? Does a word really make that much difference? Does it erase the pleasure we’ve found together, ropes or not?”
Did it? Something deep in her gut, something she didn’t want to admit aloud, told her he was right. “No.” The word was barely a whisper.
