Page 110 of Big Bad Bully
Right now, I just miss everything about him. I mourn not just what we did have–because that wasn’t much more than mad, hot sex–but I’m mourning the glimpse I had of more. Of getting Billy to open up and be vulnerable. Of me showing more of myself to him, even though he seemed to see more than I thought I was sharing. Of me being a part of his world–not the billionaire world because I’m still uncomfortable with that but the wolf world.
But maybe I’m not supposed to know about that anymore.
With a sharp spike of fear, I remember Billy and Brick discussing wiping my memories. How did that work? Was that why Grayson was here? What if I never remembered any of this?
At least my heart wouldn’t be breaking.
But no. I wouldn’t give up these memories of Billy for anything.
I draw a breath and lift my chin. “Anything else?”
Grayson shifts on his feet, looking uncomfortable. “Mr. White ordered 24/7 bodyguards on you until we’ve found whoever shot at you. He didn’t want you to be scared if you saw them.”
Oh. He definitely cares.
God, I really need to cry. Why didn’t I let myself last night when I got home? Holding it in now chokes me.
I manage to bob my head, holding my breath. “Okay.” My vision swims.
Grayson looks alarmed at the tears. He clears his throat. “I would like to offer you a hug, but I’m not sure if Mr. White would cut off my balls for touching you.”
A watery laugh tumbles out of my lips. “I would like to accept, but I’m about to fall apart.”
Pepper tries to lick me some more.
“Tell Billy thank you.”
Grayson nods and thrusts the leash in my direction and steps back after I take it. “Our guys are outside in a black Range Rover. If you need anything, let them know.” He bows his head.
“‘Kay. I will,” I choke. “Thanks.” I shut the door and lean my forehead against it as the first sob rockets from my throat.
God, this hurts.
I let the emotion spill in tears and sobs. I stumble to the sofa and throw myself on it.
Fuck.
I wish I could call Madi to talk this through with me, but there’s no way I’m going to bother her on her honeymoon.
I can’t control the outcome of this situation. Either Billy will show up or he won’t.
Or he’ll try to wipe my memories, in which case I will throw down to keep them.
I’ll get through it. I’ve had breakups before.
None of them felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest still beating, though.
I roll to face the back of the couch and close my eyes, letting another wave of sobs roll through me.
For all my efforts to stay in fling territory, Billy White wormed his way firmly into my heart. Now it’s flayed open, bleeding, and still beating for him. And there’s nothing I can do but grieve the loss and hope he figures his shit out.
Billy
* * *
Aubrey is gone.
I’m alone.
