Page 84 of Leviticus
“Listen, we all agreed to this plan, and Levi is coming to us with an honest issue. What happens if the opportunity arises where we need to tell our wives. Is that something we can or should do?” Ollie offered.
“My point exactly. Ruth and I have come a long way in the last several weeks. She understands so much more than I could have ever imagined. But the biggest issue is that…” I trailed off, searching for the words.
“That you’ve fallen in love with her,” Ollie filled in the blank after a pause.
“Christ on a fucking cracker. You’ve got to be kidding me,” Malachi uttered in pure annoyance. think of it).
“Listen, Malachi. Ruth and I are building a dynamic. A real one. The kind you and I have talked about before. But it’s precarious right now, mostly because it’s being built by honesty and trust. But I can’t continue to build that with her if I’m not being fully honest.” I stepped up closer to my closest brother. Malachi and I had always had a relationship that ran in polarizing emotions. I needed him to understand me. He looked into my eyes and I just hoped that whatever he saw there would make him understand.
“Jesus, I’m done with the talk. I agreed to the plan, so I’ll stick to the fucking plan. Do what you need to do with your wife, but I swear that if you fuck this up for me, Levi — I’ll be pissed at you forever for it.” Malachi’s words were harsh, but we all knew him well enough to know where it stemmed from. He was a complicated man, our Malachi. We all watched as Malachi stamped out his cigar and stormed back into the house. We were silent as we heard him throw open the front door and slam it shut, heading to his truck.
“He’ll calm down. He always does,” Zeke reminded me before he followed Malachi’s path. Zeke’s home was on the edge of Malachi’s property, and they often rode in together.
“You love her. You do know that, right?” Ollie broke the silence moments later. I didn’t want to answer aloud, instead nodding my head somewhat dumbly. Ollie clapped a hand on my back and bid me goodnight, followed closely by Gideon.
“You know I don’t care? Right?” Gideon commented with a smirk before the three of us walked back into the house. As the three of us stood by the front door, I realized just how much I had missed my brothers this last month. Even with the arguing and bickering, they were my brothers, my family.
“Thank you for coming tonight. Seriously, it meant a lot. To both Ruth and to me,” I stated with sincerity.
“Anytime your wife wants to cook, please invite me over. That food…” Ollie finished off with a mimicked chef’s kiss before both of them headed to their vehicles. I sighed, walking through my house and turning lights off before I turned in for the night, realizing that in the last month and some change, this very house had changed. Not just in the little touches she had added here and there. No, to put it simply, this house was no longer just a house. Ruth had made it a home. A home that would be more difficult to leave than I had ever imagined.
CHAPTER20
RUTH
They were an interesting bunch, Levi and his brothers. Tonight had been like getting an inside view of what it would be like to have that many children. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. I had grown up as one of four girls. I knew all about the dynamics of a house full of children. The difference laid directly in gender. A home full of five boys was completely different than a home full of four girls.
Each of them had so much personality, even Zeke. He was quiet and a bit of an odd thing. Something about him made me want to pull him in a just hug him. Somehow, I knew that was probably not the right thing to do. Ollie was the goof of the family, without a shadow of a doubt, while Gideon had an air about him that made me think he was a traveler deep down in his heart. Perhaps like the missionaries our school teachers had told us about as children. Malachi, he was a completely different sort of interesting. He was brusk and difficult, like he had missed all his lessons on social interactions. Except, I knew that was not true. I had seen him in town before I married Levi and knew him to be just as respectable as any other man in Zion. This version of him was different, though. It was raw, open, and perhaps a smidge vulnerable. Sort of like the parable of the lion with a thorn in his paw.
It had been enlightening to see that side of Levi. I could only imagine the trouble they got into as boys. Levi was always in such control, such beautiful control, but to see him smile as much as he had around his brothers had been a joy to see. I could imagine our future, with many nights spent around this table, discussing all manner of things and the brothers teasing one another just as they had done tonight.
I had excused myself when Malachi had mentioned cigars on the porch, understanding that they needed some time to discuss things as men. My father often had Elders over to the house for dinner and had quite often adjourned to the study for drinks while my mother had hosted the wives. My sisters and I had sat at the top of the stairs, doing our best to listen to the gossip, though it had been hard to do with the tittering, quiet talk of the women, and the boisterous laughter from the men in the study.
I had never wanted those things, but this? This togetherness between Levi and his brothers felt right, it felt natural. I could only imagine how much more so it would feel when they were each wed. Family dinners, summer picnics, Christmases and more — all spent together. The thought filled me with warmth and delight.
The sudden sound of the door slamming made me gasp as I sat on the bed. I had prepared myself for bed while the men had gone outside and was waiting for Levi to come up. The slamming door did not sound happy, however. I cracked the door ever so slightly, wondering what was the matter.
“Anytime your wife wants to cook, please invite me over. That food…”I could hear Ollie’s words faintly from the front door. Moment’s later the door shut and I heard Levi’s heavy sigh. Quickly shutting the door, I tiptoed back to bed and crawled beneath the covers, pulling my journal back out only as a cover up from my sneaking. I was embarrassed to have been listening from the doorway like some child. I did not want Levi to view me as such. We had come so far.
Long minutes later, Levi finally opened the bedroom door, trudging in like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. It was the polar opposite of what I had expected. I thought he would have been happy and excited after such an evening.
“Tonight was lovely,” he murmured as he came to my side of the bed and kissed my forehead. “I’m going to hop in the shower. I’ll be right back.”
I had half a mind to join him, just wanting to be close to him, but my mind was stuck on the night. I was reminded of the conversation that had me puzzled earlier at dinner. His brothers had mentioned that he was expected to become an Elder. A great honor in our town and in our church. But Levi was anything but happy. I tried to wrap my mind around it. I knew that Levi did not live his life like my father, or likely as his own father did. But that was no reason to not want to be an Elder, was it?
Round and around my thoughts twisted and turned until I felt myself tied up in knots. The shower turned off and I tried to push it from my mind, but it was no use. Why did he not want to be an Elder? And why had we never discussed it before? His brothers were not surprised by this. Why? What did that mean?
“Levi, I think we should talk. I don’t und—” I began, but he cut me off with a kiss as he walked back into the bedroom.
“I don’t want to talk anymore tonight, lovely. Can I just hold you in my arms? Touch your body? Can we find release from all the tensions in each other’s arms tonight?” His words were sweet. Too sweet. They felt saccharine and false. I pushed him away gently, my brow furrowed in confusion.
“No,” I whispered. I watched as confusion crossed his face, but I didn’t care.
“No?” he repeated slowly.
“No, I want to talk,” I reiterated. He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed next to me.
“Ruth, I am tired tonight. I just had it out with Malachi and I just don’t have —”
