Page 37 of Leviticus
I grabbed the rest of the dishes off the table and began to clean up the mess I had made. I filled the sink with warm, sudsy water and began to wash, letting my mind wander.
Living with Leviticus was like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Not that I knew much about the story, as it wasn’t a book we were allowed to read. But I knew enough to draw the conclusion. One minute, I was with Levi, the smooth, sensual, passionate man who looked at me with fire and kindness in equal measure. The man who set my heart racing and made me feel things I had never dreamed of and I wasn’t sure I could articulate even if I had one hundred years to try. The man who made me feel like more than just Ruth, daughter of Cyrus and Joanna Shepherd. No, he made me feel like Ruth Temple, goddess and seductress.
The next minute I was back with Leviticus Temple, man of Zion. Cold and distant, he wanted nothing to do with me and perpetually kept me at arm’s length. This version of Leviticus was just like any other man in Zion. A devout man of God who was the strong, silent, and stoic head of his home and wouldn’t worry a single hair on his head over such silly musings as those of a woman. Even if said woman was his wife. This version of Leviticus was impossible to talk to and even hard to get through. But, Lord, when I did get through, when I was able to pierce through that touch outer shell of Leviticus and find Levi buried inside, what a treasure it was. Levi was everything I wanted, everything I yearned for in a husband. Why wouldn’t he just let me in? Why wouldn’t he let me in?
I finished up the dishes and made my way back to our bedroom. I wanted to write down my thoughts before I lost them. I had nearly filled an entire journal in my short time here, and today would be no different. My hand would be crampy and sore by the time I got all of these feelings out on paper, and I didn’t care a lick. I needed to process my feelings for Levi, and my disdain for Leviticus.
I only hoped that the conversation tomorrow evening would be enlightening. I steadied myself, resigning myself to accept whatever it was he was hiding and to take him as he was. That’s all we could really ask as people to get matched with someone who can accept you for who you truly are.
Would I have that with Levi?
Was it even possible?
CHAPTER11
LEVITICUS
Was she trying to kill me? Because that’s what it felt like. It felt like she had seen directly into the heart of who I am, all bared and raw and open, and was exploiting it. She wasn’t, of course. How could she? I doubt she knew what a clitoris was, let alone what such things as bondage and dominance and submission were.
Yet, here we were. Her, with her submissive tendencies that she didn’t understand. With her lowered eyes and obedient attitude. Well, obedient until I had apparently pushed her to her limit. Then out comes the hellcat. The hellcat of my fucking dreams. She was vivacious; she was passionate; she was fire and ice all rolled into one. She was nothing I thought a daughter of Zion could ever be. And she was mine.
What the hell was I going to do with that? That was the real question. I know what Ollie had said. Just talk to her. Like it was that simple. It wasn’t that simple. It was anything but simple. I was still scared shitless of her going off to tell her father, or my father, or even Reverend Jacob. Any of the three would mean disaster for us brothers.
Perhaps Malachi would have advice for me. I situated myself in my study, a room I had spent more time in over the last week than I had in the last year, trying to stay away from Ruth and those big eyes that made me want to command her and play her body like the most beautiful instrument ever created.
“Well, hello there, brother. How is marital bliss treating you?” Malachi goaded.
“Don’t start with me, Kai, I need help.” I took my cell phone, keeping my voice quiet as I walked back through the house, through my kitchen and out onto the back porch overlooking the wooded edge of my property.
“What’s up?” he asked, and I could hear the faint sizzling sound of a cigar as he inhaled. Cigars were one of Malachi’s vices, though I wasn’t sure I could rightly call them vices any longer. We all had them and we all lived for them. They were more like indulgences than vices.
“She… well, it’s like this… and…I mean, she just…” I sighed heavily in total defeat. I had no idea how to even talk at this point.
“Brother, has she turned you mute or just incompetent?” he laughed, coughing lightly at the end of his last drag.
“More like completely stupid,” I muttered.
“Ah, yes. I see, I see. Such is the power of the almighty pussy. All hail the holey-grail from which we find all life’s treasures. Holey grail… hole. As in—”
“Yes, Kai. I get it. Christ, I’m related to assholes.”
“Please tell me I’m the first brother you called. If not, I’ll be pissed at you and we won’t speak for the next week,” he mocked.
“Kai, we are already not supposed to be speaking for the next three weeks!” I argued.
“Like that would ever happen,” he scoffed. “You’re too uptight and wound up to go that long without needing some kind of assistance.”
“You’re not helping,” I complained, ready to throw in the towel and start whining at this point. I was trying — and failing — and my plan.
“That’s just it, Levi. The fact of the matter is, you’re not helping yourself. Let me guess. The little missus is being all miss perfect housewife, which correlates just a tinge too closely to the perfect submissive for you. All service, all obedience, and nothing you can do about it. Does that about sum it up?”
“I mean, in a way, yes. But it’s more than that. She’s pulled dominance out of me like no other submissive has, and I just don’t understand it. I keep trying to set boundaries, to keep her at bay, but then I end up hurting her with my distance and…” I sighed, trailing off when the words wouldn’t formulate further.
“Well, what does she have to say about all this?” he questioned, that same sizzling of a cigar being stoked coming through the other line.
“What do you mean?”
“What do you mean? What do I mean? What did she say about all of it when you explained it to her? When you told her how hard it is to manage both sides of yourself? Or when you told her how it’s hard when the submissive traits you want are also traits the daughters of Zion are taught, but you don’t want that, you want a submissive. Did she understand at all?” Malachi pressed, and I groaned.
