Me: You busy? I need you.
P: I’m free. Laying in bed breathing in my eucalyptus inhaler.
Me: What? Why?
P: Trying to get the smell of chemicals and decaying flesh out of my nose.
P: What’s up?
Me: Jesus I don’t even want to know
P: Life of a med student. You do not want to know.
Me: He’s tattooing me right now
P: No way! Hottie Reid? I don’t understand the problem here …
Me: He’s so close to the inside of my bikini line
Me: Right. Now.
P: Okay??? Isn’t that where you wanted the tattoo?
Me: There’s a lot of…vibrations going on.
Me: A lot. Help me!
P: *Spitting water out emoji*
P: You’re getting turned on? Haha!
Me: Omg don’t make me laugh P! I have to stay still!
Me: Talk me off the ledge you bitch!
P: I hope his hand doesn’t slip!
Me: Jesus Christ.
Me: The vibrations are. Right. There.
P: Pain plus vibrations…I’d be screwed
Me: Omfg. Help me Piper!
P: I’m no helpam I?
Me: Useless bitch
P: Think about the word musk
Me: So gross
P: Yay I helped
Me: Haha idiot
Me: Fucking hell