Page 59 of Merciless
“No,” I admitted, fists tightening at the thought of her shining blade. She wanted it to wear my blood, but it would prevent me from being a mind-controlled puppet.
She gave me a hard, impatient look. “I can’t help you after I leave. I have to report to the Sha that your friend is dead.”
Dead. Such a normal, mundane word for the absence of such an extraordinary man from this world.
“I have a problem with blades.” Who knew why I was telling her this. Whatever I chose, my own death was near either way. “I was…abused from childhood to adulthood with knives, as you can probably tell.” I gestured down at myself. “If there was another way, I would tell you yes in a heartbeat.”
Emma’s expression softened in sympathy. “I’ll do it as quickly as possible. You won’t feel any pain.”
“It’s not about that, I can’t feel pain anyway. It’s…just a mental thing.”
“Oh, right.”
Several beats of silence passed while I tried to gather up the courage to tell her yes.Step into your fear,Freyja once told me. Once upon a time, that had to do with talking to Mari, but couldn’t the same advice be applied here? I would be doing this for her, for my friends and everyone in Four Corners. If I died now, my body wouldn’t be used as a weapon against them. If I did this, they would have a chance.
All I had to do was say yes to a blade through my heart. From a woman. My wife’s mother, no less.
“If you see Mari again,” I began, taking a heavy swallow. “Will you tell her that I love her?”
Emma softened even more, the black robe of her uniform pooling around her. “Yes, of course.”
“And can you tell her that...” I swallowed again, my final words made even more difficult by severe dehydration. “Tell her I’m sorry I couldn’t save Reaper.”
“There is nothing you could have done—“
“Please,” I begged. “She’ll know it’s really me if I say that. That I never fell under the Sha’s control.”
With a heavy sigh, Emma nodded reluctantly. Large blue eyes rested on me, patiently waiting for me to say anything else.
“Tell Jandro and Gunner that I’m grateful to them,” I went on. “They helped me become someone who deserved her.”
Emma nodded again slowly, her expression becoming more conflicted as I talked.
“That’s all,” I decided with the deepest breath I could manage. “Go ahead.”
The woman shrouded in black stood from her kneeling position at Reaper’s side. I cast one more look at him as she approached me. At least the others would never know how much he suffered. I would take that burden with me.
“You may want to close your eyes if the sight of a blade bothers you,” she offered gently.
“Just get on with it,” I huffed. My fists clenched, gaze fixed on Reaper. Maybe I’d see him again soon. Maybe closing my eyes was a good idea, I didn’t know. I didn’t want to die like a coward, but most of all, I wished she’d hurry up so I wouldn’t have to think about this anymore.
“You’re being very brave.” I heard the metallic hiss of Emma’s dagger being unsheathed. “My daughter is lucky to have had you. I wish we could have met under different circumstances.”
“That’s kind of you to say.” I shifted my gaze to her and immediately regretted it. Her blade was out, sharp and glinting, and it was going to cut my fucking skin. “Please don’t stall anymore. If you’re going to do this, do it.”
Emma’s breath was shaky as I went back to looking at Reaper’s body. Her fingers trembled as they prodded the left side of my chest, finding the best place to stab me in the heart. It turned out to be right in the forehead of the skull in my Steel Demons tattoo.
Some loud commotion in the corridor outside the cell startled us both. It sounded like doors slamming against walls and running footsteps coming for us quickly.
“The other guards!” Emma whispered in a panic, turning toward the door. “I’ve been found out.”
I grabbed her forearm before she could get away and pulled her back to me, bringing her dagger tip to indent the skin on my chest.
“Do what you came here to do,” I growled at her. “Do it now!”
Emma’s focus and resolve were gone, her attention torn between me and the cell door. Fuck. I started wrestling the knife out of her hand, determined to finish the job myself if she couldn’t.
The stampede of footsteps halted right outside. “Get the fuck away from him!” A single shot fired through the bars, causing sparks to fly as the bullet ricocheted off the walls.
