Page 5 of Merciless
How could I? Why did I? I tried to think back to my emotional state at the time but it was out of grasp, murky like a fog. Mostly I was heartbroken that my own father didn’t recognize me, and I was so, so tired. But was I still angry at Reaper? Resentful of what he did to Shadow? My tempest of emotions had been so volatile, I couldn’t pinpoint how Iactuallyfelt toward Reaper.
My last moment alone with my husband could have been spent turning over a new leaf, rekindling the passion that burned so hot when we first met. It could have given him something to hold on to while being captured, a renewed sense of hope.
I was less worried about Shadow in a sense because he believed in our future together with his whole being. He would hold on until the very end, if it came to that. But Reaper…his own well-being was so dependent on that of his loved ones. He had already carried so much guilt over his parents, his brother, and now us.
If he believed our relationship was still irreparable, I worried—no, I was scared todeath—that he wouldn’t fight for his life. Family was everything to him, his reason for living. If he felt cut off from his family, then…
“Hades,” I whispered, my lips against my fists. “Don’t take him from me, please. I need him. I love him. I can’t let him go yet.”
As if coming to answer me, the silent black dog approached me from the side. His head lowered, eyes large and full of sympathy. Hades only nudged the side of my leg, but the sensation I felt was like a heavy blanket being draped over my shoulders. A weight, a pressure in the air that was comforting, like being wrapped in a hug.
I released one of my knees to scratch his neck, searching those impossibly dark eyes for answers.
“Can you see him? Or feel him?”Desperate hope bled into my voice.“Is he okay?”
He lives, dear daughter.Hades licked my hand, releasing a sympathetic whine.The pulse of Reaper’s life has not crossed into my realm yet.
That was a small comfort, but better than nothing. Something bumped into me from the other side, and I looked to see Freyja rubbing against my opposite leg.
Do not doubt the depth of his love,she told me.He is not adrift, but still yours in every sense of the word. Love will strengthen him.
The sliding door opened behind me while I absently pet the animal gods at my sides. Their assurances sounded like little more than platitudes, probably because they too did not offer any solid plan for getting Reaper and Shadow out.
Jandro and Gunner came to sit next to Hades and Freyja respectively, sandwiching me in the middle of a cuddle pile. To top it all off, Horus flew down from his perch on the roof, flapping to slow his descent so he could land in my lap and not stab me with his talons.
“Whatcha thinking about?” Jandro leaned over and dropped a kiss on my shoulder before leaning his head on me there.
“How I was such a massive bitch to Reaper right before he was captured.”
“Mari…” Both of the guys voiced my name as if to reassure me, but I held up a hand to stop them.
“It’s true, don’t try to convince me it’s not. I keep going over our last moment together and I just…” My throat closed up, choking off my words with a sob.
“You were processing your dad and everything.” Gunner reached over Hades to stroke a tear off my cheek with his thumb. “You had no way of knowing what would have happened next. None of us did.” His hand fell to pet Hades’ back. “I don’t think these guys even knew.”
We did not,Horus confirmed from my lap.Our guidance led you to this moment, but we cannot see beyond here.
Gunner startled next to me, and I remembered that he never heard Horus speak until recently.
“I just…hate that I left him feeling rejected and like I still hadn’t forgiven him,” I said. “Because…I do. I forgive him for Shadow, for everything.” Speaking the realization out loud made me feel even worse. What kind of wife was I? To want my husband back so desperately only after he was taken away from me.
Jandro slid an arm around my back, rocking me gently toward him. “When we get him back, you can tell him that. He'll be the happiest grumpy bastard that ever lived, and this will all be a distant memory. Okay?”
I wanted so badly to believe him. We’d overcome so much before, as a group and individually. More than anything, I wanted to believe this would end happily for us. All of us alive and together.
But I couldn’t ignore the cold, gnawing fear that a happy ending was impossible.
Two
SHADOW
Another day, another metal pipe slammed against my ribs.
I bellowed at the impact, squeezing my eyes shut as I slid against the wall to get away from my attacker. The pipe came down again on my forearm, my thigh, and then the other side of my ribs. I flinched and cried out with every hit, trying to protect my injured areas and make myself as small as possible.
It only encouraged my attacker to hit me more, which was just what I wanted.
He dropped the pipe with a metal clang, panting for breath as he reached into his pockets and slid brass knuckles onto his fingers. If my eyes weren’t so swollen, I would have rolled them. What kind of pussy needed brass knuckles to hit a chained-up, defenseless man?
