Page 40 of Fearless
"What is that?" he growled, eyes on the bottle of pills in my hands.
"They're sleep aids." I rattled the pills inside once. "I uh, heard you the other night, when I was with Jandro—“
"I'm sorry about the noise," he interjected sharply, "but there isn't much I can do about it. It doesn't happen every night and Jandro tells me it never lasts more than fifteen minutes. If you just ignore me, it won't affect you."
An ache gripped my chest and refused to let go. It killed me that he saw his nightmares as nothing more than a nuisance to other people. How long had they been happening for him to accept as completely normal?
"Well, it clearly affectsyou." I held the pills out to him. "And these might help. You'll develop a tolerance over time if you keep taking them, but there are no major side effects." I lowered them to my side again. "But the choice is completely yours. If you don't want them, just let me know."
His gaze lingered thoughtfully on my hand before flicking back up to my face. "They'll stop the nightmares?"
"Maybe. I'd have to do a full sleep study on you to know more, but that's not my area of expertise. But I have seen cases of people having fewer trauma-related nightmares after taking these."
He took a few cautious steps toward me and I had to steel myself not to step back. Not that I was afraid of him really, just that his presence was so big and overwhelming.
"You said no side effects?" he repeated in a softer voice.
"Nothing major," I said. "Dry mouth is a possibility so make sure you stay hydrated. Heightened blood pressure is another. I can always check that for you if you're concerned. Other than that," I shrugged, "not much."
"And if they don't work?"
"Bring them back to me and we can discuss other options if you'd like. Or not. It's completely up to you, Shadow. I'd," I chewed my lip and swallowed, "I'd rather not see you suffer if it can be prevented."
He gave me a long look that I couldn't read. So many seconds ticked by without him saying a word, I was just about to say my goodbyes when he mumbled, "I'll try them."
I tried not to smile too wide, knowing what a milestone it was for him to trust me with something like this.
"Okay, great. I'll leave these inside and let you finish your workout."
"No! That's okay, I'll uh," he paused, looking off to the side as if trying to remember something. "I'll walk you to the door."
"Oh, sure. Thanks. Here you go, then."
I held the bottle out closer to him, watching the large man step closer toward me until he was within reach. When he took it from me, I noticed he took care not to touch my hand.
I turned to go back inside, his presence behind me like a solid wall against my back despite him keeping a respectful distance away. As we walked through the house, I had a small urge to stop suddenly, just to feel him a bit closer. Jandro once described him as feral, and it sure seemed that way. The tortured, haunted beast named Shadow was still skittish, but slowly trusting me more.
I had to remember not to push for too much too fast, or else risk sending him straight back into his shell. Stopping suddenly to force touch between us was definitely too far. That or he'd see it coming and dodge me with his assassin reflexes.
He gave me an inch, probably more than he'd allowed any woman into his life. And still I couldn't resist asking for a centimeter more.
"Did you draw that?" I asked, turning my head to nod at the sketchbook as we passed by his desk. "It's beautiful."
He leaned over and slammed the book shut with so much force, the desk and lamp shook under the weight of his hand.
"No," he growled. "It's nothing."
And like that, I learned one more centimeter was also too far.
Fifteen
MARIPOSA
The bloodlust hung thick and cloying in the air, just like the sweat and motor oil permeating my senses. It turned my stomach. I’d been dreading this night since the first time I saw it.
Fight Night. Where friends and family settled their disputes with their fists. Just like last time, a crowd gathered in the cul-de-sac in front of Reaper’s house. Two guys rode around in figure eight patterns, revving their engines loudly while everyone else drank, smoked and talked excitedly. Men began peeling off their cuts and then their T-shirts. They took off their silver rings, necklaces, and leather bracelets. Because fists were the only weapons allowed.
I leaned against a retaining wall off to the side of the action, a small first aid kit next to me. There was no sign of Heather, the skanky woman who slept with Reaper before me, and who turned out to be sleeping with Python, our prisoner. She challenged me last month and beat my face pretty badly, but it turned out to be for nothing. Reaper didn’t want her back. He cleaned the blood off of my face and kissed me for the first time that night.
