Page 61 of Sold Rejected Mate
Xeran lowers down onto the floor across from me, leaning against one of the newly rebuilt walls. The firehouse was reduced to metal framing after the last fire, and we’ve been working to repair it ever since.
“When did she tell you?”
“Tonight,” I admit, hot, sticky shame flaring up in my gut.
Xeran is quiet for a moment. “And you left?”
“I know how that sounds—”
“Do you?” Xeran’s voice is like nothing I’ve heard before, and when I bring myself to meet his eyes again, I realize that he’s not my friend right now. He’s not the guy I went to high school with, played on the football team with. He’s not the samefunny but grumpy and quiet guy who took our fire squad deathly serious until his father died.
Right now, he’s the supreme. And he’s looking at me like I’m letting the pack down.
“Because it sounds like you left your pregnant mate at home in the middle of the night. Like you’re sitting here feeling sorry for yourself while she’salone.”
“I’m not going to make a good dad, man,” I argue, sitting up and burying my face in my hands. “I don’t know how to take care ofanyone. All this shit is going on with Aurela, and I don’t know how to help her. What if I screw up the baby, this kid? What if I turn intomyparents, and she hates me?”
I expect a modicum of empathy, but Xeran doesn’t give it to me.
“You’re better than this, Lachlan. And you need to stop letting people convince you that you’re not. I can’t believe that you’re really going to run away like this just because it’s hard.”
“Maybe it would be best for her, for the baby, if I wasn’t—”
“Bullshit,” Xeran says, his voice cracking. “You’reprotectingyourself. That’s the whole asshole, bad boy thing, right? It’s something to hide behind because it’s scary to try and be aware of the fact that you might fail, even showing up as yourself.”
“Gods, man, when did you become a therapist?”
“No therapist,” Xeran says, sighing and stretching his legs out. “Just a guy who’s done this before. When my dad died, and my brothers made it clear that they were going to be on Declan’s side, it was like…I lost faith. And I ran. Left for ten years becauseI was convinced I wouldn’t be good enough if my own brothers wouldn’t even choose me.”
I’m quiet, and without thinking, I touch my fingers to the mark on my arm, which still thrums with a faint, pleasant beat.
And that’s when I remember. When it comes flooding back to me.
Mating marks are supposed to hurt. Except for one exception, an old wives’ tale. About fated mates biting one another and leaving behind no pain at all.
“Fuck!” I’m pushing to my feet, scrambling up against the truck behind me. “Oh—fuck.”
She told me she was pregnant because of the marks. When I marked her, and she marked me, she felt secure enough to tell me the truth.
And I’m about to ruin that.
“There you go,” Xeran says as I turn without another word and start walking for the exit. “Good luck, man.”
***
Running through the woods is calming, therapeutic when I’m in this form.
As I run back to her, I think about the feeling of her sinking her teeth into me, how good it felt. I think about the look on her face when she told me about the baby.
I think about how she’s already given me a second chance once, and I’m going to get back into bed before she ever has to give me another one.
I’m going to make this pregnancy easy on her. Take care of her.
Work on myself and make sure that when that baby comes, I’m the best possible dad for the job. Buy a million parenting books, take Nora for a day to practice. I’ll hire a fucking coach if that’s what it takes.
When I slam through the front door of my house, I have the sinking, empty feeling that something isreallywrong. Valerie’s scent lingers like the perfume of someone who’s walked past, but it’s not strong enough to have staying power.
It’s not strong enough for me to know with certainty that she’s still here.
