Page 65 of Nocturne
It takes me a while to notice, but the tears are already flowing. Wet eyes, face burning, with anger, guilt, shame. I can’t believe I got to this point. That this is really happening. Me, crying like this, breaking down in front of my crew... I was never that guy. I was always the rock, the steady one, the cold one. And now? I’m just a broken blur. I needed to be strong. Show firmness, confidence. But I just... can’t.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I scream between sobs and letmyself fall to the floor, with no dignity at all, crying like my chest is about to rip open. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know...”
“Hunter, what the fuck is this?” Grace asks, scared.
“Hey, calm down, man! What the fuck is going on?” Zion crouches down and puts his hands on my shoulders.
“I FUCKED EVERYTHING UP!” I shout, my voice failing. “I fucked everything up… I… I slept with him. With Damon.”
The sentence hangs in the air like a bomb. And hearing it come out of my mouth is like reliving the sin in real time. I don’t have the strength to look up, nor don't have the courage to face their eyes, because I know what I’ll find. Contempt. Shock. Maybe disgust. I slept with the enemy. With the guy who destroyed parts of our gang. Who has our blood on his hands. I broke all the rules.
I feel Zion’s hands leave my shoulders. He takes two steps back. The air around me changes.
“You... you’re serious?” Grace’s voice is low, like she can’t believe what she just heard.
“All I know is... when he looked at me, I couldn’t say no. I was the one who kissed him. I was the one who wanted it. I started it.” My voice is shaky, and the tears keep falling. “I fucking wanted that. I wanted it. And now I’m here, hating myself, wanting to rip this out of me.”
Zion lets out a heavy sigh, full of anger and confusion. “You know what he did to us, Hunter? To Iron Requiem? He killed many of our brothers.” He’s shaking. “And you just... slept with him?”
“Hate me... Hate me both of you. Tell me I’m a fucking mistake, that I’m disgusting. I can’t carry this alone anymore.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Grace slowly approaching. Her expression is a knot of emotions. “I’m trying to understand. Really.” She swallows hard, her voice choked. “Because part of me wants to shake the shit out of you until you wake the fuck up. But the other... the other just wants to hug you until this pain passes. Even if I don’t understand everything right now.”
“This is too much to process, man. It’s too real.” Zion paces back and forth, lost in his own chaos. “But... if you’re here, crying like this, destroying yourself, it’s because... it’s because it’s real.”
“I’m scared. Scared of what this does to me. I'm scared I won’t recognize myself anymore.” I look at them, my eyes still wet. “And all this happened just with him... withhim. The son of a bitch who caused so much damage. I’m fucking confused as hell. I’ve never felt any of this for another guy. Fuck, I’m a man. I’m not... a faggot.”
“Hunter, calm down. It’s not like that.” Grace says gently, but her voice shakes too. “If you’re feeling this... then it’s part of you.”
“This is the craziest moment of my life. But... fuck, Hunter, you’re my brother.” Zion reaches out his hand. I take it. He and Grace pull me up from the floor.
“You’re an idiot. You’re a disaster. But that’s what makes youyou.” Grace crosses her arms, staring me down with that raw mix of fire and care only she knowshow to throw.
“You don’t need answers right now. You just need to remember you’ve got a place to fall.” Zion breathes deeply and looks at me firmly.
I wipe my face, trying to hold back the rest of the tears. My eyes scan the room, glass shards on the floor, the broken window, the torn wires in the corner. A reflection of the mess inside me. I take a deep breath, my chest still aching.
“But this isn’t all. We still need to talk.”
"Talk?" Zion’s voice cuts through the air like a blade with no warning. "Talk, Hunter? He smoked a bunch of our boys. Ain’t no fucking way we’re talkin’. He’s dead, period.” His words echo like a sentence. Final. Raw. I swallow hard, but the taste that rises is bitter. Metallic. It’s not just blood — it’s guilt. It’s want. It’s the fucking chaos Damon left inside me since the moment he threw that crooked look at me that cursed night.
Grace lowers her head, eyes heavy with silence. She doesn’t have to say a word. I know that silence — the kind that screams. That weighs. And I know she agrees with Zion, even if she doesn’t have the guts to speak it out loud. The worst part? I agree too. Or I should. But none of this is simple. None of this is logical. Not when it comes to him.
The obsession eats at me like slow poison. It corrodes everything I know, everything I am. And even if I wanted to erase Damon from my life with a bullet between his eyes… my body won’t fucking move. My mind falters. My heart — fucking traitor — still beats for him.
"It’s not just about what he did to you…" Emma says, her voice low, soaked in a sadness that cracks something inside me. "He broke the truce, Hunter. He crossed a line. And it’s not one we can just pretend didn’t happen. We came here because we care, but… everyone’s already looking for him. War’s been declared."
Every word is like a shovel of dirt thrown over something I haven’t even had the courage to bury yet. Emma gets it. I know she does. But she’s still loyal to the gang, just like Zion, just like Grace, just like I should be. And I respect that. More than I know how to show. But none of that stops me from wanting Damon anyway.
Zion steps closer, and his presence hits the room like concrete. He takes a deep breath, but the air that comes out is thick, almost suffocating.
"I don’t even understand half of what you feel," he says, eyes locked on mine, filled with hurt and frustration. "Because you never fucking talk. Not to me, not to Grace. You shut down, disappear into yourself, drown in that silence, and now… you drop this bomb on us like we’re supposed to know how to handle it?"
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.
Because he’s right.
"That’s not how this works, Hunter."
