Page 32 of Rock Bottom
And his pity scraped me raw inside, when I thought those parts of me calloused over. It was best to just get through the story so we could change the subject.
“I did not choose to be bitten. She said someone with my cock, who could go all night if commanded to, shouldn’t be allowed to age and die. She thought she was preserving a treasure.” I’d been looking at the floor, and I met his gaze. “Most vampires won’t turn someone unless it’s their choice. She didn’t give me that option.”
“And then she didn’t teach you the control necessary to not be a danger to humans?”
“No.” I swallowed, feeling that old guilt churn. I didn’t want to tell this part, but Silver needed to know everything so he could decide for himself whether he could still want me, knowing the truth of what I’m capable of, what I’ve done. “In that age, no one much worried about dead humans, it wasThe Secretthey were most concerned with, which meant being careful to only drink from humans who would not be missed, always feeding out of sight of other humans, and then disposing of the body so people didn’t find a bloodless corpse with fang holes where someone drank them down.”
“Marco didn’t tell me that part.”
I shrugged. “No, he wouldn’t. The woman who turned me preferred to kill her meals, drinking them down rather than taking only a measured amount and then finessing their memory, and she forced me to do the same. I hated it. I hatedher, but she could operate me like a marionette. She could twist my thoughts, and crush me under unimaginable pain until I obeyed. My first century of the nightmare life she gave me, I got in the habit of killing my meals. She’d only let me feed about once a week, so I needed every ounce of blood from the humans she chose for me. I lived in her castle and was never around a human unless one had been brought to me to feed from.”
Silver’s expression was stricken, and dread flickered through me. I wondered if this was the moment he would look at me and see a monster — if he’d decide he could never want me again.
“Survival of the fittest,” he said softly. “And you were a baby vampire. You weren’t strong enough to stop her.”
I nodded, relief washing over me. He understood. He still looked at me with those clear blue eyes, and I wasn’t sure what I’d done to deserve it.
I’d feared Silver would think me a monster, but if he did, better to know it now instead of later. “I suppose, by the human definition, all vampires are monsters, but as I see it, not all vampires are monstrous. She turned me into a monster, and Marco is giving me a chance to become something better. To choose not to be evil.”
“I kind of lost it while I talked to Marco,” Silver said. “I wanted to leave, but Kirsten said I had to stay where they could protect me. She and Cora took me upstairs, and I don’t really know why I was okay with a werewolf and not a vampire, except I’ve spent time with Cora and she’s always seemed human. She’s nice, and I feel as if I know her. Also…” he sighed. “Kirsten used to be my therapist, before she closed up shop, and I trust her completely. She and Cora are best friends, so I guess that trust extends to Cora? But then, Cora is mated to Marco, right? So why did Marco freak me out?” He shook his head. “I don’t know, but I talked to Marco later, and he still kind of gives me the heebie-jeebies, but I don’t think it’s logical.”
“Did he explain he can feed off of more than blood?”
Chapter 11
Silver
It took a few seconds for his question to sink in, and I slowly shook my head. My mind felt like it was hopscotching and skipping — like a vinyl record, spastically looping everything he’d just said, over and over. I wasn’t sure if it should bother me that he’d fed from my orgasms without telling me, but nothing about this was normal. I wasn’t sure there was a “right” way to feel.
“Not all vampires can do so,” Julian said, speaking slowly, “but some lines can feed from specific emotions or feelings, like anger, fear, pain, or lust. My master can feed from lust, either ambient lust in the room, or he can pull it straight out of a person.”
“Can you do this?”
“I couldn’t until I was oathed and properly bonded to him, and I can’t do it as well as him. It’s hard to get a full energy feeding, but I can top off with it.”
“Have you done it to me?”
“A couple of times when you came. It makes your orgasm more intense, rather than decreasing it, which is counterintuitive, but magic doesn’t always make sense.”
I shook my head. I wanted to argue there was no such thing as magic in a futile attempt at clinging to something rational, but it’s kind of hard to make that argument with a vampire who’s apparently animated by magic. And what is life, anyway? Maybe I’m animated by magic, too, and I just don’t know it. Maybe everyone is, and we just slap science over it to make ourselves feel safe.
I had to say something, so I told him, “I appreciate your honesty.”
“I will be as honest with you as I’m allowed, and at the present time, I believe if there’s something I’m not allowed to share, I’ll be able to tell you so, rather than having to lie.” He sighed. “I can’t disobey Marco. If he gives an order, I have to follow it, but he’s a good Master. Fair.”
“Marco said you have to always be chaperoned when you’re around humans because you haven’t passed tests to prove you’re safe around us, but he’s certain I’m absolutely safe around you.”
“I would never hurt you. Mostly, the concern on our first dates was that I would say something to tip you off to the existence of vampires. At first, I had a little trouble with that. Things like speaking as if there was no internet when I was a child. I’ve never been around humans enough to have to figure out how to speak to them, and you’ve given me a lot of practice doing so.”
“The world has changed a lot for you, hasn’t it?”
“I wasn’t affected by much of the change, inside the walls of…” He shrugged. “Electricity was a big deal, the radio, the telephone. I knew of automobiles, but I didn’t ride in one for decades after they were commonplace.” He looked off in the distance a few seconds, and then back to me. “Understand, before all of these things were invented, once a home was built and clothing acquired, the only expenses for humans were fuel to cook with, and food. A farrier every once in a while to reshoe their horse, maybe some hay for their horse if they didn’t have enough land for it to graze on. Vampires only had to take care of their horses, there was no need for fuel or food. We could feed at will on the populace before cameras.”
I’d never considered before how big of a change it is for us to have monthly bills. Electricity, water, phone. Surely there were monthly outlays before? I thought of all the things we have to buy, but early humans either didn’t need them, or made them from the remains of the animals they killed and ate. But vampires didn’t kill animals. They fed on humans. Still do.
I met Julian’s gaze across the sturdy-looking coffee table. “Humans made their own soap and candles, but I imagine vampires had to buy or steal those?”
He nodded. “Vampires can see in the dark, so we didn’t have much need of candles or lamps. We don’t get terribly cold, so in some climates a fire wasn’t needed for warmth, though in the Alps, even a vampire can appreciate a fire in the hearth from a distance.”
