Page 162 of Fall I Want
A woman dances alone through fields, across mountains, over the ocean, even in space. She dances through the forest and stops to pet animals like bunnies and foxes. The seasons change and thewoman continues to dance, spin, and pass up festivals and parties. She travels and travels.
My eyes devour the carvings like a movie as I scan up and down the shelves.
And when we’re halfway across the room, the hand-carved woman runs into a man. He holds out his hand to her. Then they spin through the world together. It’s happiness: they’re surrounded by butterflies, birds, and rainbows. It rains on them, but the sun always returns. Happiness always returns. They take time to stop and smell the flowers together. They buy bread and share it with the animals. The pair continue to spin and music notes splash out of their mouths as they sing. Or maybe it’s an announcement.
Two small children appear, and then the four of them dance together. Happy. In the end, storm clouds, rainbows, and butterflies. After that are three figures: the man, the little boy, and the little girl. The rest of the shelves are bare.
I burst into tears.
“Sweetheart.” He searches my eyes. “Are you okay?”
“It’s sad.”
“Every carving in the house. On the stairs. In the pantry. They’re how my mom told her life stories. You can look at it like the shelves are bare, but I like to think that they’re waiting for a new love story.”
He wipes at the tears with his thumbs before kissing them away.
Where the carvings end, there is a gold copy ofPride and Prejudice. At this angle, it shines and sparkles in the light like a diamond. I pull it from the shelf and flip through the pages until a folded note falls out.
I pick it up and Zane grins. I try to hand it to him.
“Read it to me.”
I carefully set the book down. Then I begin.
My smart, beautiful, talented son,
Hi! It looks like you found a letter that I left you. I wasn’t sure you’d ever find this one, so the fact that you did it is a miracle. Deep down, I know you’ll find them all, eventually. Were you looking at the carvings on the bookshelf? I used it like a finish line.
If the curtains are open and it’s midday, this book shines from a certain angle. Is that what caught your attention? I wish I knew the answer.
“Zane. Is this from your mom?”
He chuckles, kissing my forehead. “It is.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to read it later?”
“Please,” he urges me to continue. “Nothing is a coincidence, remember?”
I recently had a dream about you as a grown man who is married and happy. I woke up crying because witnessing it was so beautiful. It felt real, and I woke up with goosebumps. Your wife was gorgeous, funny, and had a contagious laugh. I loved her. So did Harper. Everyone did. That pretty girl loved you without boundaries—your perfect match.
It was so vivid. The two of you were married on the mountain, at the little chapel on the outlook. It was your favorite season. I remember how orange the leaves were.
You exchanged beautiful, heartfelt vows at my favorite time of day when the sun makes the world shine like gold. I was there with you, and we were a happy family.
When you do get married, wherever you are, I will be there with you in butterfly flutters. I promise.
Goosebumps trail over my skin. Tears stream down my cheeks, and I don’t know if I can continue reading.
Zane wipes his face and I wrap my arms around him, holding him so fucking tight, like he might disappear if I let him go. It’s too raw and deep.
“How did...?” I ask, inhaling him, listening to the steady beat of his heart as he holds me too.
“I’m not sure.”
The embrace is safe and comforting.
“Fuck, you feel like home, Pumpkin.”
