Page 150 of Fall I Want
“The day you were injured on the slopes, I always felt like it was my fault because I wasn’t there,” he confesses.
I shake my head, remembering that day. He’d called me an hour before I was supposed to hit the slopes and said he was tied up at work. It wasn’t a lie, but I’d hoped he would make it. That day meant a lot to me. If my mother were alive, she’d have been in the stands screaming at the top of her lungs like she always did when I was a teenager. I’d hear her at the bottom.
“I wasn’t in the right headspace, but I didn’t have a choice. It was either compete or lose my place.”
“You almost lost your life,” he says. “I know you think I never supported the idea of you competing. That wasn’t true. You were the best and I was proud of you. But I was afraid to lose the only parts of your mother I had left; you and Harper, along with the memories and pictures, had become my everything. I missed it, and when I got the call that you’d be transported...” He stops talking. “Well, I don’t think I’d have survived losing you, son.”
Tears well, threatening to spill over as I choke up. “I’m here. Mom always told me that things happen for a reason, whether I agree or not. The dominoes had to fall for me to find true happiness. Discovering how fragile life is, was a lesson I needed to learn. Before then, I was fearless. It all worked out.”
“It did,” he says.
We hug one last time and I let out a deep breath, trying to gain control, before I walk toward the door.
As I reach for the handle, I stop. “Oh, before I forget to mention it, I fired Roxane this morning after I learned she wouldn’t be in attendance. So did Harper.”
“Why? Please tell me you didn’t let her go just because she couldn’t make it.”
“No. She was manipulating us. And I’m in control of my life and image now. No one else. Same goes for Harper. We can handle ourselves.”
“I’m so fucking proud of you,” he tells me, and I know he means it.
“Thanks. I’ll meet you out in the hall.” I leave the room to give him a few seconds to himself. And I selfishly need a minute, too.
As I stand in the hallway, waiting for my father to exit, I slide the Moleskine notebook that matches Autumn’s from my pocket. It has the same number of pages, and we promised one another thatwe’d trade when they were full. Eighty pages, front and back, 160 haikus. The theme? Each other.
My beautiful wife.
You are all I think about.
You give me purpose.
When my father emerges, I return the book to my pocket. “Ready?”
“More than ready.”
Chapter 36
Zane
My dad and I walk down the hallway beside one another, our strides and gaits the same. I glance over at him and he grins. As we round the corner, my father nearly runs head-on into Nicolas.
Our eyes meet, and he looks hollow inside, like a shell of himself. I feel pity for him, knowing Celine hollowed him into nothing. A puppet. He hesitates, and I think he may speak, but he doesn’t. As I continue, my father exchanges a few friendly words with him.
I stand on the side of the stage until my dad eventually catches up with me. We say nothing because it’s a pointless conversation right now when the ceremony will begin soon.
“I’ll meet you out there, okay?”
“Yeah,” he tells me. I move to the staging area. The itinerary with a map was emailed to me this morning.
I walk down the steps and pass Autumn, sitting in the audience beside Billie. She perks up as we focus on one another. An overwhelming amount of joy floods me—this woman is mine. When I’m close, I bend toward her, devouring her lips. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
“It’s been twenty minutes,” Billie says, checking her elegant wristwatch.
“It only takes seconds before it sets in,” I explain with a laugh. “We’re about to get started.”
“Okay,” she whispers. Her eyes slide over me, the hunger behind them barely restrained.
