Page 75 of No Going Back
Dianna lifted one lid and peeked at Janie perched on the edge of the chair across from her. “If this is an apology you’re not off to a great start.”
It wasn’t the kind of bluntness she normally offered. Even after years of therapy and self-work she still tended to fall back into her people pleasing ways, but the past two weeks seemed to have cured her of that, which might be good and might be bad.
And was yet another thing she didn’t care about right now.
“I know, but…” Janie’s voice got a little closer. “You look like you are seriously ill.”
“I’ve been throwing up for days.” She grimaced as the scent of the sweetened biscuits tickled her nose, threatening to give Janie a front row seat to the hell she’d been dealing with. “I think I’ve got the flu.” Dianna slouched down a little lower on the sofa, trying to get comfortable. “You should probably not even be here. You’ll end up like this too.”
Janie was quiet for a minute. Long enough that Dianna squeezed open her eyes again to confirm she hadn’t hightailed it out the door in the hopes of saving herself from whatever contagion was floating in the air.
But Janie was still sitting in the chair, frowning at her. “Do you have a fever?”
“Not yet. I’m sure it’ll be here soon.” She’d felt this coming on for the better part of a week, but when it finally hit it brought her to her knees, making her close the bakery for the first time ever while she tried to recover. “It needs to hurry up and do whatever it’s going to do so I can get back to work.”
“I can run the bakery.” Janie scooted closer. “You should have called me. I would have come down and—” She stopped, obviously realizing the flaw in her plan. Janie set the scones down on the coffee table, fidgeting with the artfully placed tatters on her jeans. “I didn’t tell you I knew Griffin because I was afraid you wouldn’t want to be my friend.” She took a shaky breath, fingers twisting the loose threads of her pants. “And I wanted to be your friend, which meant I also wanted to help you realize you probably shouldn’t date him.”
Dianna shrugged, feeling less upset about Janie’s secret-keeping tendencies now that she was in the throes of influenza. “I mean, you were right, so I guess it doesn’t matter now.”
“I wasn’t right.” Janie looked down at her lap before lifting her eyes back to Dianna’s. “I should have told you right away. I also probably shouldn’t have said everything I did about him because I know people can change.”
“Just because they can doesn’t mean they will.” Change was a hard and never-ending task. One she was very familiar with. It didn’t happen overnight and it didn’t happen forever. It was something you had to constantly work at. Fight for.
And clearly not everyone was cut out for it.
“That’s true.” Janie stretched the words out, like she had more to say but wasn’t in a hurry to get there. “But that doesn’t mean they won’t either.”
Was she defending Griffin now? Maybe her exhausted brain just wasn’t keeping up with the conversation. It didn’t really matter either way. “That’s fine, but I’m not waiting around while he gets it together.” She sat up as the urge to vomit hit her like a wave. “I’ve spent too many years of my life unhappy. I’m not wasting any more of them.”
No matter how bad it hurt, she would never again be with a man who wouldn’t give her what she needed. No matter how handsome he was. No matter how kind or funny.
No matter how much she accidentally loved him.
Dianna jumped up from the sofa and rushed to the bathroom as the sickness overthrowing her insides came to a head. She hit her knees in front of the toilet just in time to empty out the tiny bit of coffee she’d managed to choke down.
When she straightened, Janie was standing in the doorway, watching her with a concerned gaze. “I think you need to go to the hospital.”
Dianna wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her shirt, tipping back onto her butt and slumping against the wall. “I’m fine.”
She was actually as far from fine as she’d been in a long time, and that was saying something.
Maybe she could have handled what happened with Griffin. She might have even managed to be okay with the Janie aspect. But add being sick like this on top of those things, and she was as far beyond not okay as she could imagine being.
Janie shook her head. “I don’t think so. I think something is seriously wrong with you.” She moved into the bathroom and crouched down, pressing her hand against Dianna’s head. “You’re not hot, but you are sweaty and clammy.” She frowned as she inspected Dianna’s face. “And you look a little gray.”
“I just need to go back to bed and sleep this off.” Dianna grabbed the sink counter, using it as leverage to hoist herself off the floor. About halfway up her legs gave out, refusing to support her.
Luckily someone else was there to do it.
Janie caught her as she started to wobble, pulling one of Dianna’s arms around her shoulders as she carried the weight Dianna couldn’t. “Okay. I think I’ve seen everything I need to.” She pivoted, her free arm coming around Dianna’s waist to provide an added layer of security. “We’re going to the hospital.”
“I said I’m fine.” Historically speaking she’d gotten through worse things than this, so evidence suggested she would get through this too.
“Of course you are.” Janie maneuvered her through the house, pausing at the front door to point to the slip-on shoes positioned for quick runs to the porch and the mailbox. “Put those on.”
“I don’t want to put those on. I want to go back to bed.” Being upright was only making everything worse, and in this moment something had to get better or she was going to pass out.
Probably while throwing up again.
