Page 74 of No Going Back
“I’m sorry for not being able to give you what you needed.” He’d thought long and hard about what he would say to Janie. What she deserved to hear from him. “I’ve always been afraid of opening up to people because I didn’t want them to see all the ways I was fucked up.” The admission came out more easily than he anticipated. “I thought my only chance of someone sticking around was if I did everything I could to keep them from seeing how much I really lacked.”
Janie eyed him, the set of her shoulders softening the tiniest bit. “It seems like you haven’t learned though. You broke Dianna’s heart.”
“That’s true. I did. I made the same mistakes I always do.” He tipped his head at Janie, knowing what he was about to say next would go over like a lead balloon. “But you broke her heart too.”
Janie’s lips pressed tight together, the skin around them turning white. For a second he thought he was dangerously close to seeing the anger he’d experienced from her so many times before.
At least she didn’t have any of his clothes to destroy.
But then Janie sniffed, blinking hard as her eyes lifted to the ceiling. “I know. I didn’t know how to tell her.” She threw both arms out at her sides before bringing one hand up to rest against her forehead. “How do you tell your friend she’s dating your ex-boyfriend?” She shook her head, hands going out again. “There’s really no good way to say that. I thought maybe I could just save her from you and she would never have to know.” She glanced his way. “No offense.”
“None taken. I’m glad you were looking out for her.” He and Janie didn’t have a great history, but if she loved Dianna half as much as it seemed like she did, he was going to find a way for them to coexist.
Griffin stepped closer, needing to make sure Janie understood how serious he was. “But we’ve got to fix this. I can’t live without her and I’m pretty sure neither can you.”
Janie sniffed again, the tears she was trying to fight starting to slip free. “I love her too and I feel like such a piece of shit for not telling her.”
“You’re not a piece of shit.” Griffin reached out to pat her arm, wanting to offer some sort of comfort but not knowing exactly what was appropriate or wanted. “Everybody fucks up.”
It was what Amelie had said to him more times than he could count. It must have finally started to sink in because it seemed like maybe it was true.
Like maybe he wasn’t as awful as he’d always thought. Like maybe fucking up was bound to happen and what separated the assholes from everyone else was how you went about cleaning up the mess.
Janie sucked in a long breath, blowing it back out as she wiped at the corners of her eyes. “Fine.” She lifted her eyes to his. “What do you have in mind?”
Griffin swallowed hard. Getting Dianna back would take more than just opening up to her. He couldn’t dump his feelings on her and expect forgiveness any more than he could make Troy the only thing that mattered to him. So what he was about to request was a necessary evil. Hopefully his clothes and his paint job would survive.
“If we’re both going to be in her life then the first thing we have to do is work our shit out.”
TWENTY-SEVEN
DIANNA
THE KNOCKING ON her door didn’t immediately register since it was nearly impossible to identify over the never-ending banging coming from the house next door.
“I’m coming.” Dianna rolled out of bed, detangling herself from the covers before padding her way down the hall and through the living room. She flung open the door, not bothering to check who was on the other side because it didn’t really matter, and she didn’t really care.
At least she didn’t expect to care.
Janie stood on her porch holding a box. She stretched it between them, looking uncertain. “I brought you apology scones.”
Dianna’s stomach rolled at the thought, the wave of nausea bringing her hand to press against her lips. “I’m not really in the mood for scones.”
Janie smiled weakly. “Are you in the mood for an apology?”
Dianna cringed a little as the steady air nailing picked back up again next door. “What I’m ready for is that freaking noise to stop.”
Janie leaned back, peeking at the giant house. “It looks like your neighbor’s doing some renovations.”
Dianna snorted. “That’s not my neighbor.” She turned, leaving the door open as she walked to the couch. “That’s Griffin’s house.” She dropped down onto the cushions, leaning back and closing her eyes. “And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t live there anymore.” The exhaustion she’d been fighting all week started to pull her under almost immediately.
“Am I allowed to come in?” Janie’s question made her jump a little, bringing her back from the brink of sleep.
Dianna lifted one hand, waving it around before letting it fall back to her lap. “I don’t care.”
It was difficult to tell if her despondence was because of depression or the flu currently making her feel like complete and utter shit. She was willing to bet it was a little of column A and a little of column B. Add in the incessant noise of the work crew powering through Griffin’s home renovations, and she was feeling about as awful as it got.
Her front door closed with a soft click and Janie’s quiet steps padded across the carpet. “I know I came here to apologize and try to fix everything, but I feel like I need to point out that you look really, really bad.”
