Page 67 of No Going Back
The opportunity to claim Dianna was being served up to him on a silver platter. The chance to come clean. To confess all his sins. To tell them how much she meant to him. How much he hoped he meant to her.
But, like they so often did, the words stuck together, clogging into a mess that wouldn’t come out.
Griffin nodded. “I googled it.”
It wasn’t an outright lie, but it omitted a hell of a lot of truth.
And the truth was he’d done exactly what he wasn’t going to do. He’d allowed himself to be distracted. Allowed himself to lose focus on the thing that mattered to him most.
And it hadn’t gone unnoticed. When Amelie and Troy needed something, they didn’t call him. They assumed he had more important things to do and because he was an asshole who couldn’t seem to learn from his mistakes, they weren’t entirely wrong.
Griffin sat down in the remaining chair, forcing himself to eat. Amelie and Troy were quiet as they ate, watching television and drinking shitty hospital coffee until a nurse finally came to wheel Amelie outside.
The conversation on the way home flowed, but he struggled to pay attention. Struggled to be present. Yet another way he was failing his son right when he needed him most.
As soon as Troy and Amelie were home, his son sent him on his way. The dismissal further proof he wasn’t reliable enough to be needed.
Griffin went home, trying to focus on all he had to accomplish at his house instead of how he’d fucking failed again, but his mind was caught up in a vicious cycle. One he couldn’t escape.
Almost right out of the gate he’d gone and done exactly what he knew he shouldn’t, proving how incapable he was of creating any sort of healthy relationship.
And it wasn’t just his relationship with Troy he was going to fuck up. Sooner or later he would fail Dianna. She would see him exactly as every woman had before.
Unless he ended it before that happened. Then they could go back to being just neighbors.
Just friends.
The thought sat heavy in his gut as he tried to work on his bathroom, adding a fresh layer of misery to all that was stacking up.
Griffin finally gave up trying to accomplish anything worthwhile and spent the day sitting on his back patio, tossing scraps of bread to the birds and sharing peanuts with Snickerdoodle. The fluffy rodent sat on the arm of the rusty metal chair Nate and his family left behind, chewing through nut after nut as Griffin stared out at nothing in particular.
Maybe he should do what Cooper suggested and turn the house for a profit. Take the money and go back to his initial plan of building a place on Grizzly Peak. But that option sat just as heavy and miserable in his gut as the thought of leaving Dianna did.
He was still on the back porch, stewing in his own misery, when he heard Dianna’s garage door open and the low hum of her car’s engine as she pulled inside.
He should march over there now. Explain that he simply didn’t have the capabilities of being Troy’s dad and her—
Hers.
But it was starting to become clear that walking away from Dianna might not change that fact. Yes, it might mean she was no longer his, but he wasn’t confident it would mean he wasn’t hers. Because deep down, he’d been hers for a long fucking time. And he couldn’t imagine that would change anytime soon. No matter where he lived.
Griffin pushed up from his chair, going back through the house he was once so excited to call his own. The house that was supposed to solve all his problems but only ended up creating more. Suddenly it no longer felt like a home. Not when he thought about the possibility that Dianna wouldn’t be in it anymore.
Griffin forced his feet out the front door and down the steps, going to where he knew she would be waiting for him.
Dianna’s focus snapped to him when he reached the open door of her garage. Her brows pinched together immediately. “Is everything okay with Amelie and the baby?”
He nodded, relieved when she didn’t immediately sense the real issue he was struggling with. “As right as it can be.” He stayed in place as she worked her way out of the tiny garage. “She’s home now resting. I’m going to go out tomorrow and check on her.”
Sure, he could call, but he’d already clearly proven to them he was lacking, so it was important that he show up. Change their minds. Prove he could be what they both needed him to be.
Dianna nodded, expression full of understanding. “I’m sure she’ll appreciate that.” Her eyes moved over his face. “How are you doing?”
“Fine.” The response sounded shorter and more clipped than he intended, but right now he was holding on by a thread. Caught between what he should do and what he wanted to do.
And what he wanted to do was pull Dianna close and pretend he was the kind of man she deserved.
So that’s what he did. He snagged her by the front of her sweatshirt and dragged her body against his, holding her tight.
