Page 53 of No Going Back
Dianna swallowed hard, emotion clogging her throat. Emotion brought on by memories of what she’d overcome, but also by how far Griffin was pushing himself. How hard he was trying to prove she wasn’t the only one who’d changed in their life.
“For most of my life I’ve let other people’s opinions dictate how I felt about myself.” It was a simple way to sum up the drastic extent of what she’d allowed others to hold over her. The power she’d let them possess. “I’m doing my best not to let that happen anymore.”
“If anyone can do it, it’s you.” It was easy to hear Griffin fully believed what he was saying, and maybe a year ago she might have believed him too.
“I’m starting to think maybe it’s not something I’ll ever be done with.” She’d been through therapy. Journaled and meditated and changed her own mindset. It helped, but it didn’t fix it. It didn’t take all those words she’d heard away. It didn’t heal all the cracks left from putting herself back together. They were all still there and some days all it took was one wrong hit for them to open up.
For those old, painful words to seep back out.
“I think some things just can never truly be fixed. I think sometimes no matter how hard you’ve worked to get rid of them, those old ways will still sneak back and try to take over. They’re a part of you forever whether you like it or not.” It was strange to have such a profound epiphany sitting on Griffin’s bed in clothes that still smelled like cinnamon and sugar instead of a therapist’s office.
But that was the way this whole thing had sort of panned out for her. Therapy was a huge part of it, for sure. It gave her the tools she needed, but the work came down to her. It was slow and painful and happened at the oddest times. It happened in the shower. Sitting in her car talking to the neighbor’s grandson. Feeding the birds and bribing the squirrels.
And apparently, when she was sitting next to Griffin, trying not to make things weird.
“That’s kind of a depressing thought.” Griffin tipped his head, eyes meeting hers. “I was really hoping I could move here and move on. Say ‘fuck the past’ and only worry about what was in front of me.”
Dianna nodded. “Me too.” She sighed, understanding why Griffin preferred to avoid moments like this. They were exhausting. “But it seems like the past is kind of a stalker and she will find you no matter where you go.”
Griffin gave her a little smile. “Then I won’t update my mailing address. If she wants to find me, I’m going to make her work for it.”
Dianna smiled back, the weight of the conversation easing the tiniest bit. “That’s smart thinking. I wish I’d thought of it.”
Griffin reached out to curl a loose bit of her hair behind one ear. “I guess it’s a shame I didn’t move here sooner then. We could have gone into hiding together.”
Dianna leaned into his touch. It was an easy thing to get used to, which was a little terrifying. She’d been scared of men in many ways before, but there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that Griffin would never purposefully hurt her. “There are worse people I can think of to be stuck with.”
“Yeah?” He sounded skeptical. Like he didn’t quite believe her claim.
“Oh, for sure.” She leaned a little closer, fighting through the twist of nerves in her belly pushing the sadness and lingering pain even farther from her mind. “Can you imagine hiding out with Maryann Pace? She would run everyone ragged.”
Griffin’s head tipped back on a loud laugh. “I lived at the bed and breakfast she runs for almost a month straight, so I think I’ve been about as close to being stranded with Maryann Pace as it gets.” He grabbed her around the waist, pulling Dianna across his lap until she straddled his thighs. “And I will say that when Maryann Pace tells you to jump, the only thing you can do is ask her how high.”
Dianna wrapped her arms around his shoulders, settling against his body. Fighting that tiny voice trying to tell her she was too heavy to be in this position. “I promise I won’t ever tell you how high you have to jump.”
Griffin’s smile slipped the tiniest bit but his focus stayed on her face. “You probably should. I’m not a big jumper.”
It reminded her of an earlier plan she’d been concocting. One to reward Griffin for tonight and for opening up.
And also maybe to turn the tables on him a little bit.
She pressed against his chest, urging him backward toward the mattress. “Unfortunately, I started to realize that being bossy might not be in my nature, so you’ll have to be the captain of your own jumping.”
Griffin went down to the mattress easily, his hands roaming up her thighs and ass as she landed on him, breasts smashed against his chest. “If I can learn to jump then you can learn to be bossy.” His fingers gripped her ass, kneading her flesh. “Maybe you can start practicing tonight. You can tell me where I need to put my mouth first.” One hand slid up to curve around the fullness of her breast, the tips of his fingers teasing against the nipple through her shirt and bra. “Here?” His hand slid down to cup between her thighs. “Or here.”
Dianna pretended to think, looking off to one side in mock ponder. She smirked and brought her eyes back to his. “How about neither.”
It was hard to tell if the look on Griffin’s face was confusion or disappointment. It didn’t really matter, she wasn’t going to leave him confused and disappointed for long.
Dianna eased down his body, working her way over the edge of the bed.
Griffin sat up immediately. “Where are you going?”
Her knees hit the floor between his feet as her hands worked the buckle of his belt. “Not far.”
She lifted her eyes to meet his and what she saw there stole her breath.
Griffin stared down at her, expression full of hunger and longing. His nostrils barely flared as she flipped the button of his jeans free and raked down the zipper. “What are you doing, Di?”
