Page 51 of No Going Back
“It’s Monday, and Monday is for meatloaf.” Dianna’s eyes sparkled in the dim light. “It’s also one of my favorites.”
“Mine too.” Griffin backed into the dining room, watching her face as she came in behind him.
Dianna’s free hand came to her chest, resting there as her eyes moved over the set up he’d put a surprising amount of effort into. She sucked in a breath, the hand on her chest moving to her mouth. “You didn’t say it was meatloaf by candlelight.”
Griffin pulled one of the drywall compound benches he’d crafted away from the table, giving Dianna room to settle onto the slab of wood he stretched between two 5-gallon buckets. “Since most of my light fixtures haven’t been delivered yet, a lot of what happens around here is by candlelight.” He adjusted the tabletop to make sure Dianna could reach her meal before taking his own makeshift bench seat across from her.
Dianna looked over the table, dark eyes moving from the food to the candle to the flower arrangement he picked up from the local florist. “I can’t believe you went to all this trouble.”
Griffin swallowed hard, a little surprised at how quickly the most important part of the evening was presenting itself. Now was when he would normally blow her comment off. Spew something about how it was no trouble, or it wasn’t a big deal.
But tonight was a big deal, and it had nothing to do with the food or the flowers or the candle.
“Why not?” It was only two words, but it was a step he’d never taken before. One that left the conversation following it in Dianna’s hands.
She pressed her lips together, continuing to study the table before finally lifting her eyes to meet his. “No one’s ever done something like this for me before.”
Griffin resisted the urge to fidget. The need to touch her in a way that would refocus Dianna’s attention. But he was starting to realize how unfair that was.
“I’m sorry.” He had to offer something, and that was really the best he could come up with.
Dianna’s lips pulled into a small smile. Maybe he wasn’t stumbling as bad as he thought. “Thank you.” She picked up her plastic fork, moving around the potatoes. “But, honestly it’s my own fault. I allowed myself to stay with men I shouldn’t have.”
He was bothered by her comment. The amount of responsibility she carried for other people’s actions. He’d been in plenty of relationships he should’ve left, everyone had. But life was complicated and things were never clear-cut or easy, even when you knew they were wrong.
“I think you’re blaming yourself a little too much, Di.” His fingers itched with the desire to pull her close and kiss her until this conversation was over. “When you’re with someone it’s not always easy to walk away, even when there are plenty of reasons you should.” It was advice he could probably turn back on himself, but that was something he would have to deal with on a different day.
Right now this was about Dianna. About helping her see that holding onto the pain of your past would only taint your future.
Even more advice he could probably stand to throw in his own face, but taking on her demons was turning out to be easier than dealing with his own.
“My ex-husband was...” Dianna took a shaky breath, her eyes lifting to the ceiling. “This is really hard to admit.”
He finally gave up trying to keep his hands off her and reached across the table, lacing his fingers between hers. Walking the line between offering comfort and getting caught up in their physical connection was yet another thing he didn’t know how to accomplish. But he would have to figure it out, because there was no way he wasn’t touching her right now.
“It’s so embarrassing.” She shook her head. “Admitting I allowed myself to be in a situation like that is humiliating.”
“We’ve all stayed with people we shouldn’t have, Dianna. People we knew weren’t right for us.” He was trying to soothe her. To let her know she wasn’t alone. That he would never judge her.
Dianna’s eyes dropped, meeting his across the table. “This wasn’t just him not being right for me.” She swallowed, her throat working. “He was abusive. Angry and condescending and violent.”
There was no stopping the tightening of his hand around hers. “He hurt you?”
Dianna’s nod was almost imperceptible. “Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.” She blinked, sniffing softly. “I allowed him to hurt me in just about every way possible.”
“That’s not how abuse works, Di. You don’tallowit.” He’d had a front row seat to an abusive relationship at one point in his life. One that was evenly matched and jointly dysfunctional. But there is no way that’s what this was.
His mother was just as angry and violent as his father, instigating their physical bouts equally often.
But that wasn’t Dianna.
It wasn’t a lot of women.
“Come here.” He used his hold on her hand to heft her up, shoving his makeshift bench back enough that he could drag her down into his lap. “Don’t take responsibility for someone else being a piece of shit. That’s on them. Not on you.”
Dianna sniffed, tucking her face into the crook of his neck as she curled against him. “I understand what you’re saying, but taking responsibility for where I’ve been in my life makes me feel like I have the power to keep from ending up there again.”
He held her in silence, completely at a loss for what to say next.
