Page 29 of Freestyle
One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
Out.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
Repeat.
With each breath, the sense of strangling dread begins to loosen, but the shadows of memories flood back—fragments of a childhood I wish to forget. I reluctantly retrieve the doll from where it had fallen, its grotesque form sending shivers down my spine. I shove it into the back of my drawer, determined to ignore it for now, but the weight of its presence lingers, a dark reminder of something I can’t escape.
Eight yearsold…
“Whatcha playin’, Row, row, row your boat?” Albie asks as he plops down on the carpet next to me.
“Ponies,” I reply without looking up.
“Mind if I play, too?” This time I do look up at the older boy with the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen.
“Okay. This is Pinkie. She’s my favoritest.” I hold up the prettiest pink pony for him to see. “Wanna brush her hair?”
“I wanna brush your hair, Rowboat. How about that?” He holds up the tiny purple brush and begins combing it through my hair.
Nobody ever plays with me. No matter how many different houses I go to, no one ever plays.
“I don’t think I like that, Albie,” I whine.
“Shh, I’m just making you all pretty just like all your ponies. Don’t you want to be pretty like them?”
“Yes! I wish my hair was as soft as hers,” I admit as I run my fingers through her pink mane and tail.
He runs the brush through my hair again. I wince when it pulls. “Sorry, Rowboat. It’ll be over soon, then we can play.” He smiles. “Close your eyes.”
I close my eyes as he pulls my hand and leads me across the room to the cracked mirror hanging on the wall. “Now open.” I open them and stare at myself. “See. All pretty.”
Ismile at him. “Thank you, Albie.” I turn to face him and hug him.
He hugs me back, “Anytime, Rowboat. Now how ‘bout we play doctor and patient.”
“Okay!” I smile. “What do we do?” I ask with curiosity.
“Well, we have to get all these clothes off. You can’t hide the boo-boos.” He looks at me seriously.
“I don’t think we should do that. Your momma might come in here.”
“Don’t worry. We are just playing a little game. She told me to be nice to you and welcome you to the family.” There’s a funny twinkle in his eyes that I’ve never seen before. It scares me a little bit, but I want friends so bad. Plus Albie is older, and if he says we won’t get in trouble then I should trust him.
“I’ve never played this before.”
“Then it’s time you learned, Rowboat. I’m sure when you get to my age, you’ll be an expert!” He giggles, and I feel a little better. Maybe this is fun!
“Lay back,” he tells me as he pulls the covers over us and turns the nightlight on.
“Here.” He hands me the toy pony that I was playing with earlier. “This will make it more fun. She’ll help you stay brave.”
“What are you going to do?”
“You’ll see,” he whispers.
“Okay.” I take a shuddering breath.
