Page 26 of Ignite
I focused on his words and took long, easy breaths, one after the other. When the door opened to the ICU, I could feel the tightness in my chest decrease and my breathing became normal. I knew the cause of the panic attack. It was the memory of what took place a few days ago. River shouldn’t have drugged me. Maybe seeing him wasn’t a good idea.
Axe took hold of my hand and stopped me from walking. “Are you okay?”
“I am. I guess it is going to take me a while to get past riding in elevators.” Axe looked at me and pulled me in for a hug, knowing exactly what I meant.
“We can take the stairs when we leave.” Axe suggested as he kissed the top of my head.
“That would be great. Is that okay with you, Calvin?” I asked, as I turned my head to face him.
“I’m good with taking the stairs as long as you are.” Calvin smiled.
When we reached my mom’s room, the nurse had just brought her back from taking a shower and was helping her back into bed. Once my mom was back in bed, I walked up to the side of the bed, leaned over, and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “How are you doing? You look much better today.”
“Other than not being able to walk on my own, I feel pretty good. The painkillers are helping me cope with the pain, so it isn’t so bad.”
My mom was tough and would never want to be a burden on anyone, no matter how much pain she was in or how much help she needed. Her self-respect was something I appreciated. In a way, I inherited that trait from her. I didn’t like being fussed over either.
Pulling a chair closer to her bed, I took her hand and squeezed it lightly. “Mom, it won’t be like this forever. Just take it day by day. Let the nurses and therapists help you get better.”
“I know you’re right, but I hate not being able to do things for myself. I hate being a nuisance.” My mom pulled her hand away from mine and placed it in her lap. “When can I get out of here? I really want to go home.”
I didn’t want her to get her hopes up since I knew it wouldn’t be anytime soon. “When the doctor comes in to check on you, we can ask him that question.”
When an aide walked into the room carrying a tray, I let my mom eat and left to see if I could find out what room River was in. Before leaving, I helped my mom by placing the bedside table across her lap and making sure she had everything she needed. “I’m going to let you eat while I check on something.”
Thankfully, she didn’t question what that something was that I needed to check on and only nodded her head.
According to the charge nurse of the ICU, River had been moved to a regular room on the fifth floor. I wanted to see him alone, but Axe wouldn’t let that happen. When we stepped through the ICU door, Patton and Calvin were waiting for us on the other side. Patton got up from his chair, while Calvin pushed away from the wall he was leaning against. Both men walked up to us, with Patton in front. “What’s up?” Patton asked as he stuffed his hands in his front pockets.
Before I could tell them where we were going, Axe jumped in. “Kenzi and I are going to the fifth floor to see River. I think one of you should stay here and watch Margot.”
“I’ll stay behind,” Calvin replied.
“Good enough. We shouldn’t be too long.” Axe gave Calvin a light pat on the shoulder. “Call if anything out of the ordinary comes up.”
At Axe’s nod, we headed toward the elevators. River’s room was only two floors up, and instead of risking another panic attack, I pulled on Axe’s arm to gain his attention. “I think I would like to take the stairs instead.”
“No problem, babe,” Axe replied as he looked over to Patton, who was giving him a confused look. “It’s a long story, bro, not mine to tell.”
Patton shrugged his shoulders and followed us to the stairs. As we walked toward the stairs, I was glad that Axe hadn’t told Patton the reason behind us taking the stairs. I took hold of Axe’s hand and gave it a light squeeze. When he looked down at me, he gave me a quick wink. It was his way of telling me he knew how I felt.
The nurse sitting at the nurse’s station directed us to River’s room. Thinking about what I would say to him, I found I was walking slower than normal toward his room. Seeing him again made me nervous. I wasn’t sure if he would welcome my visit. When we got to his room, I took a deep breath before entering. Axe stood at the doorway as I walked inside the room.
Other than the machines hooked up to him, River looked the same as when I left him weeks ago. Seeing him lying in the hospital bed triggered something inside me—a feeling I never thought I would ever have again for this man, especially after he betrayed my trust.
As I walked over to his bed, I got a better look at him. The closer I got to his bedside, the worse he looked. His eyes were closed, making his eyelids looked extra creased, like they were packed with sand. His face had lost its color, which made him look unlike himself. As I stared down at him, I remembered every feature of his face. I thought about his firm, square jaw and his beautiful smile. I remembered his controlling ego whenever he demanded something of me. Now those things were gone. His injury had taken a toll on him. He looked like he had aged 10 years since the last time I saw him. His body made an unwanted movement, which caused him to wince in pain. I reached out to touch his face, but he grabbed my hand and held it tight. I tried to pull my hand from his grasp, but even in his current state, he was much too strong. When his eyes opened, his eyes were on me.
“I thought I had lost you forever,” he whispered as he loosened his grip on my hand.
“I’m right here,” I replied as I looked down at him with tears falling down my cheek.
Axe stepped up behind me, placing his arm around my waist. “We should go.”
~22~
Axe
Watching Kenzi and River together was tarnishing my male ego, and it was time to leave. If River hadn’t already been lying on his back, I would have flattened his ass. He was playing with Kenzi’s heartstrings. It was sickening watching them. I had to get Kenzi away from him. Maybe I was overreacting, but River wasn’t in as bad shape as he was portraying.
