Page 2 of Freed
~One~
ALANNAH
My evening was amazing, but when we got ready to go to bed, Roman could feel my hesitancy. He suggested that we take things slow. I couldn’t have agreed with him more. He knew that I loved him, and I knew that he loved me, but I still had issues with what was done to me. Roman was nothing like Winston or Brian, yet I was still unsure how what happened to me would affect our relationship. Even though Consuela’s miracle cream had made the scars less noticeable, I couldn’t get past the fact that they were still there.
Roman left me to my thoughts, kissing me briefly on the lips before retiring to his own room. So many times, I walked to my bedroom door and placed my hand on the doorknob, only to pull it away. It was late, and I should have been tired, but my mind was running in overdrive as I tried to figure out a way to tell Roman about Brian. I knew the time would come when I would have to tell him. As much as I would like it, Roman wouldn’t be able to stay here forever. He had a business to take care of in Portland, and he couldn’t let his secretary, Rita, take care of everything forever, even if she was more than capable.
The next time I took hold of the doorknob, I didn’t walk away, nor did I knock on Roman’s door like I had wanted to. Instead, I headed downstairs to the kitchen. I thought maybe a warm glass of milk would help me sleep. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, the main floor was dark, except for the light coming from Roman’s study. I thought for sure he was fast asleep, but maybe he had a hard time falling asleep as well. Wrapping my robe tighter around my body, I tied the sash and quietly walked to the study door. The door was slightly open, and when I saw Roman standing by the window, I couldn’t help but stare at his perfect form. He was only wearing a pair of lounge pants that hung low on his hips. Unaware that I was drooling over his incredible body, my tongue rolled over my lower lip to lap up the saliva that had escaped. I wasn’t blind. I still had a deep, unyielding desire for him.What was I afraid of?Roman had been nothing but kind to me.
As I turned to walk away, I heard my name. “Lanie.”
He always seemed to know when I was near. Placing my hand against the door, I pushed it opened. His eyes were on mine, and every emotion imaginable consumed me. Would I ever be able to get back to where we were? More importantly, would Roman wait for me?
Stepping away from the door to where he was standing, I stood close enough to him that I could have reached out and touched him, but I chose not to. I knew that if our eyes met, it would tear me apart. Turning my head toward the door to avoid eye contact, I said, “I couldn’t sleep. I thought some warm milk would help.”
I was ready to leave, but standing so close to Roman allowed him to reach out and grab my hand. “Wait.”
Our eyes met, and the one thing I was trying to avoid was staring back at me. His eyes were filled with pain, and I knew that I was to blame. I wanted to say something but knew nothing I could have said would ever make up for the pain I had caused him.
Roman pulled me close and kissed the top of the head, and I could feel his breath against my skin. “After we get you your cup of warm milk, we are going to bed together. I need to hold you, Alannah. Nothing more.”
My breath hitched, and I could feel the anxiety take over. Pushing away, I tried to hide my apprehension. I knew that even though he only wanted to hold me, it would lead to so much more, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to let that happen. He still didn’t know about Brian. Maybe it was better that he didn’t. I just didn’t know if I would be able to hide it from him.
♥ ♥ ♥
Roman was kind enough to prepare my warm milk. His eyes were on me as I sipped it, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking. It would have been better if he liked warm milk as well because then he wouldn’t be watching me so intently. He was making me more nervous than the thought of us sharing the same bed. I hated the way he was looking at me with nothing to say.
Placing my cup on the counter, I looked up, trying to avoid eye contact. “Thank you for preparing my milk. The cocoa was a nice touch.”
“I thought you might like that better.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to try a sip?” I asked as I lifted the cup from the counter and held it out to him.
“I’m good. Besides, milk and I don’t get along.”
My hot cocoa milk was getting cold, and the time had come to go to bed. Prolonging the inevitable, I took my time rinsing out my cup until Roman took it from my hand and placed it in the dishwasher. I couldn’t stall any longer. Roman pulled me in and kissed the top of my head. “Let’s go to bed.”
Roman squeezed my hand gently with reassurance as we headed out of the kitchen. Not once did he let go as we walked up the stairs. When he pushed open the door to his room, it was clear that he never went to bed when he left my room earlier. His bed was still made, and other than the throw pillows sitting on the chair, nothing was disturbed.
Roman released my hand, and I didn’t move as I watched him walk over to the bed and pulled the covers back. Roman got underneath the covers and patted the empty space beside him, hinting that I should climb in. Taking hold of the satin comforter, I quickly pulled the covers up over my body and held on to them for dear life. My eyes weren’t on Roman, but on the bedroom door, wanting nothing more than to bolt from the room.
I felt a dip in the mattress, and still, my gaze was on the door. I could feel Roman’s breath on my ear. “Are you going to sleep with your robe on?”
It was silly. Maybe I was nervous for no reason. Roman did say all he wanted was to hold me and nothing more. Pushing the covers back, I rose from the bed and removed my robe. Looking for a place to set it, I walked over to the chair and laid it over the pillows that once adorned his bed. As I turned toward the bed, Roman’s eyes were on me. Had I known that we would be sharing a bed, I would have been more selective in what I wore. My nightgown was the matching set to the robe and made me feel pretty. Even though Consuela assured me that the scars were barely noticeable, I still felt self-conscious about them.
Sprinting to the bed, I quickly got under the covers and turned on my side so that I wouldn’t be facing Roman. When Roman’s arm came around me, my body froze. He pulled me close, and I knew he felt my body tense. “I am only going to hold you, Lanie, nothing more.”
I felt his lips press against the back of my head. It was only after I heard his deep breaths that I knew he had fallen asleep. The minute I let my eyes close, my body relaxed into his, and I fell into a deep sleep, with Roman being the last thing on my mind.
