Page 8 of Beneath Submission
When he pleaded, with remorse, “Tessa, please. I should have told you, but I was afraid you would never accept me for my mistakes and I would lose you forever,” my willingness to take another step was gone.
Turning to face him, I allowed him to say what he needed to say. “You can say what you need to say, but it won’t change the fact that you lied.”
Pacing back and forth, making a trail of his own in the soft dirt around the fire pit, I watched him struggle with how to begin. He had to know that it was just as hard for me as it was for him. Walking away from him would be the hardest thing I had ever done. He was the one man that I loved and cared about.
Taking a deep breath, he began his explanation. “It began about a year ago. My brother, Ryan and I worked together at Jagged Edge Security. He knew I was in trouble and he got me a job with the security company, hoping that I would see how much he cared about what happened to me. Don’t get me wrong, the guys that worked there were great, but I didn’t feel like part of the team. Anyway, we were on this job and it involved a lot of cash. I got involved with some shady characters and I saw an easy way out, so I took some of it.”
“What does this have to do with Mr. Colin and you?” I asked, trying to figure out if I wanted to listen to his explanation.
“Colin didn’t come into play until I moved to LA. I regret ever meeting him, but he was the only way that I could live,” he answered.
Pulling his shirt up, he revealed a scar on his abdomen that I had wondered about, but I’d never asked him what happened. Placing my hand on the scar, I looked at him and asked. “Did Mr. Colin do this to you?”
“In a way, yes, but not in the way that you think. Colin saved me. I needed a liver fast and the only way to get one was on the black market. I couldn’t wait for one to become available and instead of walking away, I made a trade. My life in exchange for whatever he needed.” Xavier’s comfort level began to decrease as he lowered his shirt. I still didn’t know what their connection was.
“I don’t understand, Xavier.”
“Colin owned me. He knew that I would never be able to pay the $125,000 for the liver so in exchange I did some things for him, only it was never enough. He knew about my past and whenever I told him I was done, he held it against me. I was trapped.”
“Why did you change your name?” Everything was beginning to make sense, but it didn’t explain why he changed his name.
“The people I took the money from found out, and in order to get out of the mess I made, I faked my own death. My biggest mistake was telling Ryan, but I couldn’t let him think I was dead. I begged him not to come after me. I guess I should have known that he would,” Xavier explained.
“So, that is why your brother showed up?” I questioned.
“I thought he was my brother, but I found out a year ago that I was adopted when I was young. My real mom rotted in prison. I guess the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.”
There was silence between us, as I tried to digest what Xavier was telling me. I didn’t know whether to be angry or feel sorry for him. His life, in a way, was no different than mine. He was also deceived. The circumstances were different, but the outcome was the same. He had lost his real mom, not knowing her at all. He was lucky though, at least he was raised by a couple that loved him, and it was evident that there was love based on Ryan coming to see him.
“So, what are you going to do?” Even though things were done between us, I still cared for him and needed to know what he was going to do.
“With Colin out of the picture, I no longer have to worry about doing his dirty work. Ryan and I had a long talk. He finally realized that I can’t go back to New York. My life is here now, and with Direction 96, I can focus my efforts on making it the hottest spot in LA.” Pausing for a moment, he turned to me. “Nothing would make me happier than for you to be a part of it. I need you in my life, Tessa. Not even the club matters more than you.”
As sincere as he was, I didn’t know what to say. My heart had been torn in two and I knew that there was a chance that he would rip it completely from my chest if I let him in again. I needed to decide if it would be worth the love I had for him.
